Unofficial Newsbiscuit Writer of the Month Competition

 

The results are in - and the big O has won the December WOTM competition, with a credible second place by Stew Barclay. The big question now is - who is the writer of the year? apepper  Covid restrictions cause queue of chickens waiting to come home to roost outside No 10 Government announces December 9th as "Panic Day" How to tell if dozens of people are having a party in your house Johnson: "Lying about illegal parties is what Jesus would do" Tories shocked to discover that Boris Johnson behaved like Boris Johnson again Chipchase  Downing St declares black is white and always has been Downing Street tells Ministers to use 'Baldrick Defence' in new media guidelines Govt: 'Clifftop rambles in force ten banned but tightrope walks on pylons still perfectly fine' Palace appoints Mary Berry as Honorary Queen Mum Chrisf  Actual bloody nose would be more satisfying, say voters Man 'switching things up' only actually making very minor changes Teleco...

 a lot of runners and riders at the top of the chart, but SteveB has the edge with the Big O close on his heels apepper  Covid restrictions cause queue of chickens waiting to come home to roost outside No 10 Government announces December 9th as "Panic Day" How to tell if dozens of people are having a party in your house Chipchase  Downing Street tells Ministers to use 'Baldrick Defence' in new media guidelines Govt: 'Clifftop rambles in force ten banned but tightrope walks on pylons still perfectly fine' Palace appoints Mary Berry as Honorary Queen Mum Danny Soz  Subbuteo table soccer's latest edition to feature drunken England fan Wife caught man having an affair using ship-to-ship Aldis Lamp Doctor Chutney Female Swedish PM returns in Scandinavian noir twist Ghislaine Maxwell trial regularly interrupted by struggling courtroom artist Number 10 Downing Street says, “Nothing to do with me." Putin turned on by Truss in a tank Tories drop the word Party...

 The good Doctor Chutney takes and holds the lead, winning the virtual mug by a country mile. Links to the subs below and the ticker list, as usual, is in the chat room Al O'Pecia  Boris Johnson off to see the Wizard of Oz, with Jacob Rees-Mogg and Dominic Raab apepper All crime since 1953 due to "female Queen" "Shambling incompetence is the new normal" announces Downing Street BangingOnAgain  Criminals propose 'just scrapping' criminal justice system Chipchase  As accusations of Johnson's utter incompetence grow it appears the PM's not for turning As NI Protocol talks become more acrimonious Johnson continues to deny the existence of Ireland Cluedo’s Rev Green released after 2016 conviction deemed to be 'unsafe' COP26: 'Behold, for I am the saviour of the world' Johnson heard claim 'My old man didn't fight in WW2 just so I'd be forced into having Covid jabs,' says total moron. Mystery businessman offers £1,000,000...

 Blurb Doctor Chutney has had a storming month so far, scoring in all categories.  He's starting to look unassailable and the real battle now is for second place. BangingOnAgain  Criminals propose 'just scrapping' criminal justice system Chipchase  As accusations of Johnson's utter incompetence grow it appears the PM's not for turning Cluedo’s Rev Green released after 2016 conviction deemed to be 'unsafe' Mystery businessman offers £1,000,000 prize for someone to kick Boris Johnson up the arse on live TV Super-rich unhappy at being told they can no longer burn mountains of bank notes Your new house share inmate not fitting in how you hoped she might Chrisf  5 Modern Pentathlon events for the 21st century JobsForTheBoys.com - the number 1 platform for MPs looking for a second job Doctor Chutney  COP26: A Delegate's Guide COP26 delegates shocked as Planet Earth says “I don’t need saving." COP creators confirm number 27 in the franchise GB News ‘devast...

Chip has had a resounding win this month, pushing SteveB into second place.  The Big O and Wren tie for joint third  place while Danny Soz comes in a credible fourth Al OPecia  Rare unsigned copy of draft Brexit Deal to be auctioned off A.L.Shaw  Meta transcends everything but definitely isn’t watching you, Big Brother insists BangingOnAgain  Man campaigning for 'green leave' because he got a new house plant Man shocked to learn he is tall after stranger points it out Beau -Jolly  Active pensioner told to take it easy Chipchase  Britain has prepaid gas & electricity meters fitted to combat energy cost chaos Doormen shortage Latest: 'Your name's on the list, we're begging you to come in' E Viva España as Boris takes a well-earned post-party conference break in the sunshine 'Fu*k me, I was totally wrong about the Tories' admits a gobsmacked nation John Lewis announces new Rees-Mogg Edwardian Collection Kevin's seeing stars as his next model project...