WOTM January 2021 mid month
ID has made a fantastic comeback after a couple of years in the wilderness, heading up the first half of this month's competition. Max and Wren, however, are looking like they might try to take IDs lead off him, given half a chance.
A.Mantra
‘Not now Joe,’ pleads weary nation
antharrison
Biden announces big plans for new White House curtains
Chipchase
Pressure on NHS intensifies as tests show new ‘Boris jab’ 100% effective
Rees-Mogg announces he will compete in 2021 Tour de France
Dan.F
Act like you’ve got the virus and drive to Durham, suggests government
Trump plans to pardon himself for all the crimes he didn’t commit
US politicians pleased to see populace taking such an interest in legislative process
DavidH
Donald Trump’s Avengers assemble to fight Democrobots
Football club cafe loses Michelin star
Middle-age men reminisce about non-essential car journeys of yesteryear
Deceangli
£30 food packs awarded Nobel Prize for economics
BBC to include poisoners in cookery shows for balance
Boris offered job with covid marketing board
Dido Harding spotted in Cannes with Lord Lucan and Shergar
Fact-shaming’ to be criminalised
Vaccine: first 50 million doses go to PMs family and friends
Wuhan market trader awarded knighthood ahead of Nigel Farage
Doctor Chutney
More comedians lined up for “Live From the Tardis” spots on Doctor Who
Twitter outrage as man tweets intelligent, cogent, coherent argument
Filthy Rich
2021 admitted to rehab under ‘impossible’ weight of expectation
Derbyshire police unable to prove ‘picnic’ contained statutory number of wasps
Embattled Trump declares war on Isla St Clair
New Bowie film totally fails to capture his passion for admin, complains family
Public figures’ new year’s resolutions leaked
Republican Senators conclusively prove blind belief Trump’s fact-based evidence
Takeaway lattes count as ‘substantial meal’, confirm panicked ministers
Gibbet
Starmer calls for ’round the clock’ press conferences
harrypalmer
Police numbers to be doubled for inauguration with addition of 7 more cops
Ironduke
Anti-democracy campaigners storm Parliament
Economy boost as schoolteacher exam prediction bribes kick through
Kids food packs include £5 of ingredients and a £25 haute cuisine recipe book
Teachers ‘back to school’ packs to include blindfold and last cigarette
Starmer: government has called lockdown too soon already not enough early late
‘The walk’, a pictorial odyssey, new craze to sweep social media
Itsmejack
Priti Patel asks police to enforce new year’s resolutions
Max Stars
First new Brexit passport holder discovered to be an illegal immigrant
Govt. Appoint Danny Boyle to head up national vaccination programme
World darts champion recruited to boost vaccination drive
Midfield Diamond
Christmas snacks and sweets to be finished before health kick starts
oshaughnessy
Boris to star in reboot of classic comedy Fawlty Tiers
Oxbridge
Bat shit ‘actually not that crazy’
Paul L
Woman admits not using wishbone win to wish for a better 2021 for the world
ron cawleyoni
A song for Priti to the tune of Pretty Woman!
Rowly
New oxford vaccine contains purely British genome sequence
SimoneCleal
99% of Brits struggling with January finances despite Christmas being cancelled
Jeremy Clarkson claims covid-19 caused him to lose all sense of fashion
Sir LupusSydalg
Fat people “slowing down Earth’s rotation”
Oedipus left traumatised after appearance on Jeremy Kyle
Throngsman
Clap for carers hits second wave
Trevor Rudge
Seafood happy to be rotting in Grangemouth than digested in a European stomach
‘Tiny hands’ Trump welcomed back to myspace
Vertically Challenged Giant
“You know what? Do what you f*@king like” says Boris
Wrenfoe
EU gone but the bloody Normans are still here
Government to outline ‘zero f$cks’ policy
Johnson and Starmer announce much anticipated engagement
Julian Assange put in a mysterious ‘tier 6’ lockdown
Mum told her cake almost as good as ‘shop bought’ not feeling the compliment
Rioters storm US capitol to find someone who can count
Woman not buying ‘Grammarly’ no matter how many times its advert pops up
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