Welcome to the Unofficial Newsbiscuit Writer of the Month Competition

If you've strayed onto this blog please note it is being used to keep the monthly results of the Writer's competition run unofficially by myself on behalf of the contributors to the UK's foremost satire news site, Newsbiscuit.  Newsbiscuit was created and is supported by comic genius John O'Farrell to provide a place for aspiring and proven comic writers alike to work in.  This blog is not an official organ of Newsbiscuit and any errors or omissions are mine alone,

If you want to get to Newsbiscuit itself (and who wouldn't) then click here. If you fancy having a stab at writing satire (or any form of humour) then the Writer's Room is here.  Please note you have to register with the website before you can contribute.  If you want to read the guidelines for writers, please click here.

Most writers write under a pseudonym, partly to be mysterious, mainly to keep their reputations intact.  Top tip - choose a name that is short and, critically, easy for me to spell should you find yourself on the leaderboard. For reasons buried in the depths of time I'm known as Throngsman.

The competition is open to all contributors to the website and is based on how many of their submissions (subs) are chosen by the editors for the Frontpage (FP) each day.  Subs take the form of FP entries (full blown humorous stories), News-in-Brief (NiBs) and Tickers. As a general rule there is a new FP every day and two NiBs each weekday.  At weekends, however, there is often only one new NiB each day. Tickers are changed according to a secret formula known only to a few people in the inner circle, but are worth waiting for. Rumour has it that the formula was actually lost several years ago, but who am I to question?

Additionally the website occasionally runs a Left Alert story. These are stories that are funny but don't generally fit into the normal format. As a result of a recent site update the Left Alert can be found on the right hand side of the front page. No, we don't get it either, possibly the formula for Left Alert location was lost with the ticker frequency algorithm.

Competition rules:

Competition runs for one calendar month at a time, from the 1st day of the month to the last day of the month.

FP entries score 3 points
NiBs score 2 points
Tickers score 1 point
Left Alerts score 4 points
Hat Tips (acknowledgement that another contributor has added value to a sub) score 1 point

By mutual agreement the same person cannot win the title Writer of the Month two months in a row.  I'm sure we won't need to employ that rule often (sticks head up sleeve).

Results will be incrementally updated every 7 or so days and there will be a fresh post for each month.


Q.   How do I enter?
A.   Surprisingly easy, actually.  Join the website, submit a fantastically funny submission, or at least a submission way funnier than any other submission vying for publication, then wait until it gets posted.  Then you're in the running for that month.

Q.   What do I win?
A.   In the old days, when this blog was just fields and there was an official Writer of the Month competition you could win a Newsbiscuit mug, an item of such rarity that it has featured on Antiques Roadshow at least twice.  The prize for gaining the most points with this competition is just kudos (and resentment) from your fellow contributors.  If you're very lucky the NB tech team might append an image of a mug above your NB avatar for the month following your success.  Or they may not, time will tell.

Q.   Is John O'Farrell really a comedy genius?
A.  He manages to get talented comedy writers to fill his website with comedy free of charge every day - if that isn't genius....

Q.   Are these questions really asked frequently?
A.   They were written before the blog went live, what do you think?


  1. Do you take cheques?

    1. Only unreasonably large ones, with a bank card and the last three numbers on the back.


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