Writer of the Month March 2024
Deskpilot has topped the leaderboard (again) with a brilliant set of headlines plus a not too shabby run of FPs and NiBs. SteveB has kept the pressure on and eppursimuouve brings up a creditable third place.
There's a full list of the published subs below the leaderboard with links, the cartoon of the month and a full list of headlines.
apepper
Galloway: "We'll take seats from labour, providing they don't stand, obviously"
Garrick Club doubles down and bans men as well as women
Jeremy Hunt diverts entire GDP into his own constituency
Tory donor slams year-long waiting list for knighthood
Unnamed Tory MP not under investigation by Standards Committee
Ashbery
Boat Race Betting (and Pooping) Guide
Chipchase
Irish Eyes smiling as Bono grants Pope an audience
Shock: National Treasure, Tiddler, was double agent
Trump: My 4-goal haul in 1966 World Cup Final will never be beaten
david2468
Foreign Secretary visits Thailand to pursue stronger economic and defence ties… he says!
New crime thriller "The Gove'nor" to air on BBC2, Jan '25
New Tory Donor Scandal: Hester Mocks Gething’s Wanker Beard
Deskpilot
Beach pebble amnesty goes horribly wrong
Chancellor’s ingenious plan to ‘get Britain moving’
Charity appeal for the disadvantaged
Identity of toilet artist remains a mystery
Labour hopes to secure landslide general election victory with celebrity MPs
Student with £231k loan has a brilliant plan to deal with it
Supermarket redesigns stores to help hungrier shoppers
Tory election candidates: standards watered down again
eppursimuove
Boeing to use 'much stronger glue' in future
Bureau of Missing Countries set up
Chain hotel changes slogan to "Well what did you expect?"
'Jimmy Savile - The Musical' opens to mixed reviews
Met Police trials new slogan - “Most of us aren’t too bad”
Photo edited to imply Prince Harry has spine
UN tells eastern Europe “OK, enough new countries now”
Voter announces he’s “available for hire”
Wayne Couzens “unfit to be a copper” - Department of the Bleedin’ Obvious
West End theatre to hold “tw@t-only” nights
Ian Searle
Da Vinci admits he edited the painting of The Last Supper
Horner situation can not continue says father of Christmas Pie maker
Jack the Quipper
'The 4 Yorkshiremen' 2024 - Gazan Edition
jbpage
Rishi Sunak to invest NHS annual budget at the bookies
UK government plan to extend voting rights to dogs
Jeremynh
'I'll crash dive faster than any other Tory' says Sea-Gullis
Jim Skinz
Conservative Party to be included in list of extremist organisations
McDabble
Ofcom has launched an investigation into Sir Jacob Rees-Mogg's breeches
Trump asks Federal Court to delay election until he can afford to fight
Modelmaker
National Cyber Security Centre advice compromises PM’s passwords
Wednesday’s budget may bring boost to British fashion industry
sketchedbyboz
Stationary Piccadilly Line train enters third decade of ‘regulating the service’
SteveB
Associated Press asked 'why no photo kill notice on all images of Piers Morgan?'
Face of Jesus appears in bed sheet sex stain
Hunt ensures smoke-free generation is also triple-lock-pension-free generation
New UK Prime Minister is David Tully from Rochdale
Olympic Committee told not to award games to host nations which are TOO despotty
Patriot hits 'raging boner' on the Anderson Angry Scale
Playa del Inglés made more authentic by importing 8,000 tons of raw sewage
Search information page left open for hours, closed down minutes before required
Tory MPs to receive training in fumblebragging
US Supreme Court rules 'without bans on abortions, Trump wouldn't exist'
SteveB & Ashbery
Boat Race Betting (and Pooping) Guide
stewartbarclay
Attenborough to voice Tory MP wildlife documentary
Kremlin issues election guidance to Tories
Nike statement 'Sorry to all the English snowflakes we "offended" '
Sunak: Tory Party is an extremist anti democratic organisation
Supreme Court rules Trump can compete on Love Island
Ten million reasons for Tories to forgive racist remarks
Tories take Islamophobia 'extremely seriously'
Suburban Dad
Pontius Pilate outlines banned groups
Sully
Government contracts ‘not expensive enough’ to support political parties
Ofsted inspectors to be trained in self defence
Rat denies controlling George Galloway from under his hat
Throngsman
NHS 'saved' by Physician Associates - receptionists next
Monopolies Commission 'concerned' about next election
Murder victims required to draw chalk outline around themselves
Top 10 tips for running an ethnostate
World War 3 'on hold' until after May local elections
Walter Eagle
Fantasy Government League - Tory Disunited
Tories on donor's £10m, "It's all gone."
Wrenfoe
87% of Russians vote for Putin. 13% vote for life in Siberia
Beards to be used as camouflage, says Army
'China fails to break UK democracy as someone got there first
Galloway win caused Sunak to soil himself, live on air
Germany planning a sneaky WWIII – top bantz!
How dare you bully Diane Abbott, says Labour, that's our job
Kate Middleton robot stuck on Windows Update
Magic Money Tree found in Cayman Islands
Sunak could be replaced with a Greggs sausage roll
Cartoon of the month is Budget secrets explained by Modelmaker
Headlines
Adrian Bamforth
Hamas wins Rochdale by election
Andrew to be photoshopped out of Royal Family
Proposed Rochdale Primark to stock suicide vests
apepper
Paperless NHS controversy as they start with the toilets
Ashbery
BBC considers ground force offensive against Pyongyang
Gaza receives first U.S. airdrop of Mexican aid workers
bigbadbob
Critics slam “Girl with a Pearl Earring” as dull sequel to
“Girl with the Dragon Tattoo”
Doctors to follow Holby City, only Casualty to remain, as
art imitates Tory NHS funding
Katie Price double bust
Tory PM manages to make Downing St announcement without
resigning
Deskpilot
A&E admissions fall 'unconnected to McDonald's IT
outage'
After San Diego triumph, Katie Boulter expected to win
Wimbledon
Boeing chief exec defenestrated
Diane Abbott: Tory donor was rude about me 30 times, no,
3000 times, no, 3 million times
Fight or flight? Ryanair customers can have both!
Gynaecologist targeted by smear campaign
Investigation begins as 12.15% of Russians fail to vote for
Putin
Kate doctored royal photo to edit out Primark trainers
Prankster admits clockwork car plan is a wind-up
Qatar offers to host Winter Olympics
Scientists breed featherless duck with no downsides
Scottish summer time delayed until June
Spectacle thief robs victims blind
Staggering increase in people who walk erratically
Striking print union members revert to type
Teen's decision to quit Facebook causes mixed emoticons
Thames water bills must rise or dividends will dry up
Ukraine to change flag colours after losing legal battle
with Lidl
Wine maker says grape juice is a must
Worktop company starts counter fraud investigation
dominic_mcg
11 year old BMW driver was pulled over when police noticed
him using indicators
Oncology Department tells patients “we’ll treat you like
royalty”
St George’s cross? He’s f*cking furious
Granger
New sign on Cabinet Room Door, No Tools Left Here Overnight.
Hokeyloki
Correction: Lee Anderson is now a Reform MP, not a reformed
MP
Crap cricket team gets all its ducks in a row
Palace admits Paddington tea photo may have been faked
Putin cracks down on Western music by launching
State-approved app, Despotify
Spoonerism quipsters all ready for Psalm pun day
ian searle
Jeremy Hunt follows Super Tuesday with Mediocre Wednesday
Jack the Quipper
School offers photo with "just the pretty young
teachers" for Dads
Jim Skinz
Houseowner accused of flat-shaming poorer neighbour
Irritating sun-cream seller says he was just rubbing it in
Surveillance of dog kennels is dubbed a Snoopy's charter
Thief who stole ton of laxatives last year is still on the
run
UN Security Council calls for immediate ceasefire in Tory
Party
Joe
‘Cyber Flasher’ had floppy disk
9 out of 10 dentists recommend going private
Baby born on flight incurs several Ryanair charges
Cops comb Combs’ home
Eid fast approaching
Local nonce strongly denies being a Tory
Low inflation affecting Bouncy Castle Hire
NHS puts the stoppers on the knocker blockers
Tik Tok winding down
Lockjaw
Israeli Eurovision entry is reprise of Boom-banga-bang
Onanist stays in bed all day on Palm Sunday
Steve Harley of Cockney Rebel gets booking from God: 'Come
Up and See Me (Make Me Smile)
mcdabble
Bank Man not Freed
Chef borrows recipe then returns the flavour
Frank Hester donates massive scandal to Conservative Party
Gaza famine only counts at night, says Israel
'Giving Up' listed as most popular UK pastime
Government Law Makers Step In to Clarify Offside Rule
Home Insulation Targets laid out in Government's New Draft
Plan
Pope Revives Great Catholic Tradition of Pandering to
Fascism
Starmer Bans Humous from Labour Party
Stirring up hatred is to be made a crime only if its done
anticlockwise
Tory plan to tax hope, unlikely to raise significant
revenue, say economists
micca
Conservative Party classified as extremist under new
definitions
Mick Turate
Boat Race crews say they just went through the motions this
year
Modelmaker
Drivers astonished by how much faster their M25 journeys
have been today
Kate urged to join #Me Too movement after reports of being
touched up
Waiting list for prison places now almost as long as NHS
waiting list
rogerg
Hull undertakers expecting police to have a stiff talk with
them
ron cawleyoni
Army to allow beards, Hipsters fear conscription
George gets the cream
Grant Shapps himself
Sir Lupus
Tories not prejudiced about colour of money
Sketchly
Sexual orientation acronym longer than alphabet
SteveB
Biggest Tory Party donor, Frank Hester, buys immunity from
racism
Lib Dems and Greens 'not crazy enough' for Rochdale
McDonald's not lovin IT
New Oscar category includes Sweatiest Performance
Northern Irish shocked at news they have a political system
Rishi Sunak declares war on his war on motorists
TikTok replaced by baboons flinging sh!t at a pig's
breakfast
UK housing policy detached. From reality
UK receives first emergency aid air drop from Gaza
Vladimir Putin offers one of his body doubles to Kate
stewartbarclay
Gove namechecks both Judean People's Front and People's
Front of Judea
Hazard lights mean I can park 'wherever the f*ck I like'
reveals school-run parent
Oppenheimer blows away Oscars
Russian Presidential Election: Putin practising his
surprised face
Sully
Wheat farmers bracing themselves for Theresa May retirement
Titus
Baltimore bridge suffers hardship
Bloody giant redwood trees, coming over here and absorbing
our carbon dioxide
ISIS claim responsibility for Special Terrorist Operation in
Moscow
Photoshop applies for royal warrant
Port of London fears closure if Oxford (or Cambridge) hits
Hammersmith Bridge
Wales & Italy, as ever, are way ahead in Six Nations
Choral Contest
Will
Sunak: Entitled Lunatics Seizing Control of UK
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