WOTM Oct 2019 mid month

Big battle taking place between Chip and Tony.  Looks like the rest of us are also rans so far.



Adran Bamforth 

Guide to becoming a Saint

Jeremy Corbyn ‘shocked’ to discover Banksy painting features apes

Zebra loose on German road stumps joke-writers

Chipchase 

At-a-glance guide to Tory pre-election golden giveaways

Boris to announce legal aid for top people accused of sexual offences

DUP ‘Our support for new Brexit proposals has not been bought so it hasn’t’

Johnson claims Brexit talks floundering over ‘nonexistence of Ireland’

Man stuns friends by watching gig with eyes not phone

Police move in coordinated operation to crush sick battle re-enactment groups

Rees-Mogg to tackle unemployment among seven-year-olds

Chrisf 

Getting Brexit done to be condensed into one-hour Apprentice episode

Man ‘pimping’ his pasta just adds chilli flake

Tunnel for Brexit negotiations revealed to be Large Hadron Collider

Deceangli 

Priti Patel to meet Piers Morgan in ‘Face You’d Most Love to Slap’ final

Fletcher 

Conservatives promise eternal life and no more dog shit

Gerontius 

Prince Charles criticised for carrying large knife during Queen’s speech

John Roughty 

Government of National Unity to be led by Ant or Dec

Newsbiscuit Editorial Team 

Cardinal Newman accidentally burnt as witch

Only relatives of Boris Johnson will be eligible to vote

SNP formally back decriminalising haggis

Rhydderch Wilson 

Johnson and Farage to Wrestle in Caviar for Title of “Man of the People”

Sack of potatoes to run for Prime Minister

Sydalg 

Breathalyser has new setting – ‘Come on, just one more!’

Wikipedia “could spell the end of clueless arguments in pubs”

Thatwasbeast 

B*st@#d wants meeting at lunchtime

Throngsman 

Excitement as excrement found in toilet ‘might have been from the Beatles’

Tonymc81 

A cabinet out to impress

A Dog’s best friend is his sandwich maker

Deserts are ideal for running insists Coe

‘I started at the bottom’ says Boris

Walter Eagle 

IMDB acknowledges unexpected George RR Martin sequel: “Game of Blames”

Johnson promises 10% extra funding for new 11 Commandments

Wrenfoe 

Boris promises ‘climate withdrawal’ – Clexit

Ellen photographed watching lacrosse with Bin Laden

Mein Kampf sues Daily Mail for copyright infringement

The Dark Side is slimmer

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