Writer of the Month September 2023
Stewart Barclay has stormed ahead this month, beating MM who had a creditable second place score. Well done everyone who pitched this month. As usual the cartoon of the month follows the links to the subs and is followed by the tickers for the month
apepper
'Cutting down from 7 bins? Where to throw the unused one
add profanity to core curriculum
Keir Starmer attempts Brescuing a Brawful Brituation
Restraining order to keep Government away from country
Sunak trying to find worst time to have an election
BillClay
Journalists struggling to find metaphors for RAAC crisis
Man thinks Coeliac disease is just a fad to slow down his food order
Cara
Sam Levinson to produce new show featuring sad, naked teenagers
Woman in emotionally abusive relationship with neighbour's cat
CharlieH
Bank Specialising In Bad Debt And High Risk Surprises Market By Collapsing
Chipchase
Exclusive: Johnson tells the truth
Showbiz world stunned as Ant & Dec hand back their latest NTA award
chrisf
Competitor in men’s 100m ‘embarrassed by the attention’
DanWakling
Rejected titles for Liz Truss' book
Deskpilot3
Government explains how breaking the pension promise doesn’t in fact break the pension promise
That G20 declaration on Ukraine, in full
eppursimuove
British Museum to hold 'closing down sale!
Government to use CAPTCHA tool to help find RAAC
Impregnation of John Hurt was consensual, claims terrifying alien
On brand behaviour: 'If only we had known' say people who knew
Tories 'didn’t know there was anywhere north of Birmingham'
Gerontius
Somerset cheese factory forced to stop production
Ian Searle
Dogs seek urgent advice on possible ban of Suella Braverman XL
Jack the Quipper
On this day in history - September 16th
James_doc
Met to Introduce Anti-Woke Crimes
Jeremynh
Civil service 'seriously considered' telling Queen that bears defecate in woods
Government hails UK scientists’ discovery of doesn’t-matter particles
Kids taunt Archimedes with "Who ate all the πs?"
Scientists discover that brain cells die in Alzheimer’s disease 'because they want to'
"Stop sending us these freaks!" plead residents of the Chiltern Hundreds
Lockjaw
Government puts the Dangerous Clogs Act into law
McDabble
Rebate from sewage processors result of sewage law
Security services warn over General Public infiltration in politics
The stretch of HS2 from Birmingham to Manchester may not stretch that far
Modelmaker
Architects move into computing
Bully XLs currently in the UK to be confiscated
British government leads the world in identifying crumbling schools says minister
Cost of lettuces that outlast Prime Ministers now 20% higher than inflation
Government likely to scrap HS2
KFC confuses Alabama city with bankrupt backwater metropolis
NewsBiscuit Book Review - we read the books so you don't have to bother
Sunak hoping for poll boost from Strictly performance
Niall
Millionaires more likely to be rich
NickB
Raggers
Your September Horoscope, by Toxic Meg
Sarah Tipper
Tomatoes decide to ripen after all
Sir Lupus
Chain pubs to replace happy hour with gouging time
Just don't f**king bother, Sunak tells nation
Manchester launches takeover bid for Birmingham
SteveB
Artificial Intelligence destroys humanity by writing a series of mushroom foraging books
BBC exposé on government 'State of Chaos' replaced by Conservative Party political broadcast
Covid-19 Omicron BA.2.86 'Pirola' mutation: Matt Hancock can't help snogging it
EXCLUSIVE: deadly spy at the heart of Westminster corridors of power NAMED
Isosceles triangles demand equilateral rights
stewartbarclay
Braverman: 'What even are "refugees" and "human rights" anyway?'
Fast food joint: 'Your heart disease looks exactly like the photo'
Government calls in army to shoot anyone who looks like they might be protecting the planet
Grant Shapps is Defence Secretary - don't have nightmares!
Lib Dem conference 'now needs a second trestle table'
Michael Gove proclaims himself Baronet of Birmingham
Mobile footage of music gig 'really great to watch back'
NASA retrieves asteroid sample, but gets sued for theft
Seven deadly bins – Sunak to save the day
Spanish FA’s sexism gets out-Fox-ed
Sunak committed to more green coloured cars by 2035
Tories: 'People smuggling gangs are a small business success story'
'Woke' Concrete Closes Schools
Sydalg
A few more snippets from NB archives
Another dip in the NB archives
From Bay of Prigs to Sergeant de Pfepper: Newsbiscuit remembers the 1960s
Throngsman
Hollywood inundated with scripts about writers' strike
Titus
Apparently 'No one' was in charge of Post Office when it knowingly & falsely accused post-masters
Wrenfoe
99% of UK covered in nail bars
BBC/C4 unaware that Russell Brand was sexually active
Chris Packham's crime spree starts with bank job
Hollywood writers strike ends happily ever after
Labour's last policy dies in captivity
Murdoch to retire, leaving Evil nothing to do
Portacabin secretly invented RAAC & asbestos
The Maltese Falcon remake called 'My Driving Glasses'
Three little pigs regret using aerated concrete
Trudeau: 'Plucky Nazis beat Russia in WW2'
Worker 'taking one for the team' won't
Cartoon of the month is Built to last by Modelmaker
Headlines
Adrian Bamforth
All American Bull Terriers to be electric by 2035
NASA confirm that space rock has the word 'space' running
all the way through it
Northumberland cops call in Special Branch
Prison staff missed warning sign when escapee asked for a
packed lunch
Schools receive highest RAAC results for second year running
apepper
After exhaustive evaluation process, Murdoch selects his son
as new chairman
Average speed on M25 to be raised to 20 MPH
Beau-Jolly
Hardpessed vegetable grower takes a cut in celery
Russell Brand claims he was just being satyrical
bigbadbob
Elon Musk’s chip implant programme opposed by Weight
Watchers
Govt scraps HS2 North, promises to fill one pothole just
outside Leeds
Karl voted least funny Marx brother
billclay
Missile strikes on grain silos due to gluten intolerance,
says Kremlin
DanWakling
Liz Truss submits letter of No Competence
Deskpilot3
£650 home test could detect gullibility
Bankrupt Birmingham Council may be forced to sell off
Solihull
Birmingham to charge £5 to enter city. And £10 to leave
Crossword compiler has a lot to answer for
Govt announces HS3 link: Stockton to Darlington
Govt says HS2 money got spent on Covid. Soz
In-debt chef has his wages garnished
Kleptomaniac takes one for the team
Manchester leg of HS2 will be up the M6
New Govt promise to knock down 40 new hospitals
New treatment for premature ejaculation was a long time coming
Only 2,000 Clubcard points for a body cam
Porn star honoured with blue plaque
Russell Group universities distance themselves from shamed
celebrity
Shoplifting epidemic: 14 branches of Wilko are missing
Smoke stoat! It's like skunk, but not as smelly
Speeding fines will fully fund NHS by 2035, says Mark
Drakeford
Starmer promises to Get Brexit Undone
Supermarkets furious Christmas chocolate melting in the heat
Dick Everyman
Braverman to bring in floating kennels for illegal dogs
FlashArry
France fast-track asylum request from Australian rugby team
funnybowen
Al Fayed funeral plans: Hearse to be driven fast through
Paris tunnel by drunk chauffeur
Hokeyloki
Rival spreadsheet manufacturers protest about Excel Bully
ian searle
Stationery Minister denies there will be a delay in the
delivery of HB2 pencils
Storm Agnes is actually Storm Brendan in drag
Jack the Quipper
Keegan: "Tory education policy is as solid as
concrete"
Met Police gun amnesty a success
Sunak reshuffle leaves jokers in pack
Two gangs rob same bank on same day – Police suspect a
disorganised crime syndicate
Jim Skinz
Sir Michael Gambgone
Spies posing as woodcutters are thought to be a splinter
cell
Sycamore Gap to be turned into service station
Lockjaw
Birmingham: "We're considerably poorer than yaow"
MADJEZ
Mike Yarwood praised for incredibly accurate impression of
dead PM Harold Wilson
Police: Banning certain breeds of Chav more effective than
banning their dogs
Russell Brand forced us to pull him off claims Youtube
mcdabble
Alternative lower-cost HS2 proposal put forward by Hornby
Birmingham Council only has money to fund essentials, not
women's salaries
Rishi Sunak grateful to dangerous dogs for a story he can
appear tough on
Mick Turate
Dominic Raab to be checked for cracks
GB News suspends itself
UK closed until further notice due to faulty government
Modelmaker
20mph Welsh speed limit is a major boost for our industry say pedal car manufacturers
Autotrader flooded with bin lorry ads as councils dispose of
six out of every seven they own
Horror film about a killer teabag given a PG rating
Schools break up as kids go back
Raggers
Asylum seekers to be housed in unwanted wheelie bins
sinnick
Mason Greenwood said to be looking forward to working with
Luis Rubiales
Two imperialists agree to fight imperialism
Sir Lupus
Wales first country to have protest in favour of road deaths
Sketchly
LEGO rethinks its RAAC-themed bricks after market collapses
SteveB
Inventor of Ozempic addresses huge audience
Light breeze off Bournemouth coast officially named Storm
Rishi
Putin cheats at Jenga because he takes out several blocks at
the same time
Stray cornflake down side of fridge fished out with
retractable tape measure
'There are no such things as humans' confirm aliens
stewartbarclay
Horror film Se7en to be remade with Rishi's bins
'Multiculturalism has failed' says British Asian Home
Secretary
Sexual assault allegations are very on Brand
'We are sorry for the delay in Rishi's answers to questions
about HS2.'
Sydalg
Dermatology magazine starts Readers' Hives feature
Titus
Bristol man wakes up to find he has mysteriously acquired a
Banksy tattoo
Govt. condemns high-speed decision-making
Luis Rubiales kisses his job goodbye
Wilklose
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