WOTM May 2023
Sully has stormed ahead this month, followed cautiously by SteveB and modelmaker. New writer cara has come in at a credible fifth place. As usual, links to all the FPs, NiBs and Features (AKA Left Alerts) below the leaderboard, followed by the cartoon of the month, then the ticker list, which contains Deskpilot's awesome 20 tickers amongst many others
apepper
Government celebrate as travel delays not caused by Brexit
Public consider letting Penny Mordaunt continue as sole Conservative MP
Benvoleo
YouTuber accused of intentionally crashing plane headhunted for senior Government role
billiclay
Government creates new fear: Nano Boats
Monopoly introduces Get out of Speeding Penalty Card
TransPennine Express defend fluid timetables and non-binary concepts about arrival
Cara
Area man unveils covert method of ogling female co-workers
Boys' Exposure to Romance Movies Starts at an Alarming Young Age, Reveals Study
JK Rowling axes Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw from new adaptation; claims "two houses are plenty"
Man, 28, takes psychedelics, discovers empathy
Senior analyst humiliated after being coerced into TikTok video
Ugly Missing Children to feature on Soya Milk Cartons
Chipchase
Good vet gets plate of lamb cutlets back on its feet
Chrisf
Neighbour mowing bloody lawn again
Pasty bought in train station still too hot to eat, confirms man
Tax-avoiding entrepreneurs boasted that 'next year we'll be millionaires'
DanWakling
Sky News gives impartial view on Sharp resignation from BBC
DavidH
Funding approved for museum museum
eppursimuove
Heavyweight boxer self-identifies as lightweight
Olivia Colman apologises for being in everything
Filthy Rich
Eager anticipation for Tory-Ladybird Books collaboration
Fears entire Conservative front bench suffering from lockjaw
Finn
Ukraine invasion latest: no end to people smugly tagging everything #SlavaUkraini in sight
Gerontius
Elderly man arrested for carrying bladed weapon during Coronation
greengrocer
Son of former BBC exec discovers rare unseen episodes of Jim’ll Touch It
herculepoisson
A prayer for King Charles III on his Coronation
McDabble
Leading Car Makers Don't Want To Make Cars, Just Money
Modelmaker
ChatGPT refuses to write Tory manifesto
Conspiracy theorists warn Brexit may force it to close UK operation
Goon Show recordings to be used to train an ever-growing elderly workforce
Government department urges more Royal deaths
Fire service to charge Tory party for putting out its fires
ID will be required to purchase king size items after coronation
Labour plan to use King's ransom to fund vital infrastructure improvements
Vicars to to ditch dog collars and wear harnesses instead
Myke
Drone insists it went to Moscow to admire the architecture
Godfather of AI attacked by coffee machine
Hanover, Orange, and Saxe-Gotha to sue for breach of copyright
Piers Morgan denies knowing bees make honey
Raggers
Government introduces new P.O.O.R. tax.
Your (most of) May Horoscope, by Toxic Meg
Sarah Tipper
People who aren't interested in the coronation talking about it an awful lot
showerthoughts
King Charles III declares Absolute Monarchy at garden centre opening
Liz Truss demolishes former Leeds school to lay foundation for an Anti-Woke Theme Park
Sir Lupus
Misery should be "default" says minister
RMT to "cynically" boost Eurovision viewing figures
SteveB
Boris Johnson defies the physics of laws as his own defence team find him guilty
Countdown clock to Kate Middleton's 50th birthday denied by tabloid newspapers
Europeans 'super excited' about Scouservision Song Contest
Lee Anderson broke 30p spending limit, refused to attend spending awareness course
Toilet on the Titanic was 'unstinkable'
Tories deliver completed promise of 40 new hospitals... waiting lists
Tories now 'focusing on coronation' as there is much gushing and flag hugging to get done
Zelenskyy on mercy mission to Britain: 'Ukraine will help in any way we can'
stewartbarclay
'Hang 'em high' - Charles gets tough on pledge refuseniks
Johnson spawns again, Attenborough makes new series
Labour, Lib Dem & SNP voters face arrest
More mass shootings essential say US Republicans
Much harder to have affairs from home, complain lecherous CEOs
Three Kings photo: 'Know your place, peasants'
Sully
6th Form boys flock to Rishi’s Fashion Collection
Braverman confuses ‘will of the people’ with ‘last will & testament’
ChatGPT selected as Dominic Raab’s replacement
Colonic irrigation? Try the carwash
Conservative councillors forced to ‘come out of the closet’ at council election
Conservative MPs sue Party for PTSD after Question Time appearances
Conservative MP to be executed for forgetting to say ‘delivering’
Conservatives to use ‘sexy cosplay’ to woo voters
Dog-walker despondent about ever finding corpse
Jesus might have used pasta to feed the 5,000, say experts
Kingfishers to be culled for ‘showing off’
Superdrug ‘surprised’ to find they’ve been selling hospitals
Sydalg
Human evolution to go into reverse in 2025, say experts
Throngsman
Man found guilty of not understanding jewellery
Starmer amends 'not Corbyn' to 'not Corbyn or Johnson
Writers Guild of America strikers accused of crossing their own picket line
WWF place Conservative MPs on endangered species list
Wrenfoe
50% of all Mumsnet accounts are JK Rowling
Deposit-free mortgages to be replaced by house-free mortgages
Man steals beach by hiding it in his ear
Peace? Nah. Ukraine needs depleted uranium
Search begins to find someone worse than Trump
Spelling error sees Charles drowned
UK resumes animal testing having run out of voters to torture
Cartoon of the month is: Amid rumours of Holly & Phil feud, Schofield’s former sidekick speaks out - by Raggers
Ticker list
apepper
Alarm as Prince William crosses his fingers during pledge of
allegance
Cabinet Secretary confirms he has experience in picking
vegetables
bigbadbob
Heston Blumenthal produces purrfect pudding for feline
fanciers, a Catameringue
Martin Amiss
Deskpilot3
Addict has pusher on speed dial
Bank Holidays to be online only from 2025
Delegates keen to see how origami conference will unfold
Fruit picker finds plum job
Government decides against capping the price of a Knighthood
Ironmonger on CB radio has an interesting handle
Knife sharpener builds himself a whet room
Liverpool slowly getting back to 'normal'
Moscow victory parade features milk floats due to shortage
of tanks
Pantomime villain prescribed antihisstamines
Parking charges introduced on the M5
Police arrest man with electric trousers over data breeches
Prince Harry to buy security services from Wagner group
Renault to rename the Megane due to negative associations
Russians review tactics as it's now taking 54 missiles to
kill each Ukrainian
Scotland lends pet rock to England for the coronation
Search continues for anyone who wasn't at Chequers during
lockdown
Sinclair computer user turns out to be on the spectrum
Steel workers to strike while the iron is hot
The White Hart pub in Grays closes after being black listed
Dick Everyman
Didgeridead
Home Secretary veers from Wacky Races back to Wacky Racist
dominic_mcg
Give up vaping by taking up smoking, says Government
funnybowen
TransPennine Express identifies as public service
granger
Erdagon, and on and on...
Hokeyloki
UK fishermen blame poor catches on "net migration"
ian searle
TV Host leaves to spend less time with his family
Jack the Quipper
Price of milk in supermarkets to be capped at number
politicians can remember
UK
sending long range missiles to Ukraine - "So are we" says Putin
jim Skinz
Family of animal abuser say he died peacefully in his sheep
Shoe fetishist admits he got off on the wrong foot
Simply the rest
Lockjaw
Taxi for Mr Sunak!
Water company
CEO: Improvements to sewerage infrastructure underway, I sh!t you not!"
MADJEZ
New series of BBC's Who Do You Think You Are to be hosted by
speaker Sir Lindsay Hoyle
Trump: You'll be telling me pussy-grabbing's illegal next
mcdabble
Eurovision - The End Is In Sight !!!
micca
Met Police arrest thousands of cyclists for possession of
lock on devices
Mick Turate
Suella Braverman ordered to attend Compassion Awareness
course
Modelmaker
Cardigan Bay hailed as closest knit Welsh community
Government gives double-digit response to nursing union
double-digit pay claim
Kind nation will allow orphan to become King
NHS faces existential crisis at news Charlie Fairhead is
leaving Casualty
Search for Bermuda Philharmonic Orchestra triangle player
continues
Shoe fetishist admits he got off on the wrong foot
robowurzel
NHS collapses after mass nurse exodus for better paid fruit
picking jobs
ron cawleyoni
Sweden celebrate Eurovision success with Quiche Loreen
Tina Deep Admiration High
Top Gear keen to talk to Suella Braverman
sinnick
Old man strips down to his trollies in big church
Sir Lupus
Govt defends ordeal by fire section of SATS
SteveB
'Actually, your body temperature is 36.613921 °C' says anal
thermometer
Big Ben/Queen Elizabeth Tower to have gender reveal party
Channel 4 considers innovative game show where contestants
keep their clothes on
Downing Street car crash not a metaphor
Fondling a lettuce is not sexy cos-play
God smites coronation with thunderbolts and lightning
Home Office advice upgraded to 'steer clear of Suella
Braverman'
Prison officer doing a bang up job
stewartbarclay
Suella Braverman to face ethics investigation for sharing
Netflix password
Throngsman
If you could read my mind, love - I guess you'd be dead too
Titus
Britain to build thousands of new homes - in Calais
Lobsters in Just Stop Boil protest
Local authority to fill potholes with raw sewage instead of
dumping it in sea
Manufacturer of uneven paving slabs gets top rating on Trip
Advisor
Thousands of music lovers flee Liverpool
Ukrainians appreciate morale-boosting broadcasts from
Zelen-Skyy TV
Comments
Post a Comment