WOTM Oct 2022
Deceangli has taken the virtual mug this month with a fine set of subs. Chrisf, Rich T deskpilot3 and Rgmans Trumpet have all acquitted themselves with honour. As usual all the links to FPS, NiBs and Features are listed below the leader board, as is the winner of the cartoon of the month and the ticker list.
Adrian Bamforth
apepper
Kwarteng 'gutted' to be overlooked for Nobel economics prize
Kwasi Kwarteng "still hopeful" for employee of the month award
Man admits Fearne Cotton and Fern Britton are different people
Rishi Sunak not expected to say anything before 2024
Camz
Great Offices of State downgraded to Shite Offices
Chipchase
Charles III: 'I will sell Crown Jewels to save Prince Harry from loan sharks'
ERG denies outbreak of unity within Tory parliamentary party
Chris Ballard
Liz Truss’ No 10 portrait to be crumpled passport photo
Chrisf
Braverman email breaches include misuse of ‘reply all’ and the phrase ‘As per my previous message'
Gas engineer definitely going to arrive while you’re taking a dump
Man ludicrously thought that half-term event at soft play centre could be enjoyable
Massive search underway after last piece of Liz Truss’s credibility ‘goes out of window’
Michael Fish appointed to produce Office for Budget Responsibility forecast
Number 10 Lectern demands pay rise
‘Piece of p*ss, this Chancellor lark’ declares Hunt
Truss' Growth Coalition 'like the Britannia Music Club'
What does your car signalling reveal about you?
Deceangli
Anti-Growth Coalition shot Kennedy
Boris 2.0 – ‘too much integrity’ to be PM
Boris is the only person who can save Britain from the Conservatives say the Conservatives
Brave Brits fighting back against do-gooders
Conservatives to offer internships as Prime Minister
‘Conspiracy theorists don’t understand our capacity for cockups’, says Gov’t spokesman
Crashed an economy and it wasn’t your fault?
Kwarteng hoping for more ‘killer nurse’ stories
Labour and Conservatives merge to form the Tabula Rasa Party
No 10 hired hypnotist to get Liz Truss to PMQs
Posh wallpaper supplier ‘delighted’ at Boris’s return
Software development no longer ‘Britain’s Sexiest Profession’
Tories studying Dallas ‘Dream Season’
Unboxed? Unhinged! Arts Festival ‘A Huge Success’
Which Wizard of Oz character are you?
Deskpilot3
Rolling power cuts could start TONIGHT
Dominic_mcg
Koh-i-Noor diamond to be replaced with Old English Flavour Spangle
Woman devastated after photo of cat taken on her phone doesn't win prestigious award
Gerontius
NASA scientists to smash next probe into Kwasi Kwarteng head
Irrelevant
Retired police dog looking for part-time job to supplement his pension
Joanne Starkie
Gove denies he is ‘an evil Sith Lord hellbent on ruling the galaxy’
Nadhim Zahawi offered new place in cabinet next to Liz Truss merchandise‘Neuralyzers not strong enough to erase memory of Truss being PM’ Men in Black
Lockjaw
EXCLUSIVE! Out-take from Charles' visit to The Repair Shop
For Sale: failing enterprise with views on the Continent
Truss suffering from chronic cognitive dissonance, says expert
MADJEZ
Whole of Portsmouth shocked as Tories put a SCUMMER in Downing Street
Newsbiscuit
Doctor Who regenerates as Rishi Sunak
Newsbiscuit Editorial Team
Reason for scratching arse found
Scientists determine half-life of cabinet posts
Not Amused
Liz Truss in Energy Saving Mode
Oshaughnessy
Camilla to be crowned with a golden novelty drinking helmet
Captain of the Titanic joins the race to become next PM
Charles pleased to meet Rishi but insists he ordered Chicken Dhansak not Biryani
Increased bank security measures lead to a rise in hacking
Liz Truss 'most morally repulsive woman in the world' say scientists
Relief as Kwarteng is taken away by men in white coats
Royal Navy investigates inappropriate seamen
Your monthly horoscopes, by Toxic Meg
Rich T
Braverman announces Caste system for all UK citizens
Clock change raises prospect of PM being sacked before they have been hired
Government inspire BBC to revive 'Game for a Laugh'
Hunt announces introduction of "Austerity Police" as part of new measures
Old Mother Hubbard - 2022 remix
Police "prepared" for bottles of p*ss being thrown at PMQ's
Splinter Group "Just Stop Growth" threatens Truss with direct action protests
Truss announces legalization of drugs "for higher earners"
UK Gilts appearing on Ebay, the dark web, Essex Car boot sales
Robowurzel
Old Moore promises to do better
Surprise outsider now favourite to be next Tory PM
SimonJMr
Truss dumped Kwarteng with “It’s not you, it’s me” text message
SteveB
Boris Johnson lying on a beach earning 20%, in danger of being rolled back into the sea
Common house fly now most advanced thinker in House of Commons
Granny Farming keeps Tories in power
Last remaining biscuit handed to Cookie Monster for safe keeping
Perfectionist's nightmares about in app game adverts being played appallingly
Tories finally united in stupidity
stewartbarclay
Cruella Braverman reappointed Home Secretary, given email refresher course
Truss 100% behind Kwarteng to make knifing him easier
Throngsman
Birmingham sent home as it describes Conservative party as a 'dump'
Jeremy Hunt enters third day of not blinking
Kwasi Kwarteng finds his after-dinner speaker jobs dry up
Lib Dems spotted shaking soil from their trousers
Man confused as he finds himself agreeing with Nadine Dorries
PM spends weekend at Chequers with fizz and Netflix
Putin is probably miffed, suggests Ukraine defence ministry
Tories admit 'mango sorbet' is a business euphemism
UK finds the controls down the back of a sofa
We would have insisted on three pin plug for smartphones, says Truss
Walter Eagle
Kwarteng receives Order of Lenin from Putin
Wrenfoe
Alex Jones wishes $1bn fine was fake news
Healthy workers don't know they are sick yet
Hey, whaddya know, energy companies still make huge profits?!?
Kwarteng to save the economy by playing Haaland
Nominations for House of Lords to include the Mouth of Sauron
Racists demand 'clocks go back'
Sliders with socks are still sandals with socks, right?
Striking teachers are actually just on an INSET
Cartoon of the Month
This month the cartoon of the month is 'Damn' by syntaxerror01
Tickers (AKA Headlines)
Adrian Bamforth
Brazilian election
a close shave
apepper
Hunt gives Truss
permission to say she's still in charge
Johnson throws
underpants into the ring
Truss orders basket
of kittens and hammer for keynote speech
Beau-Jolly
Only two more chancellors
until Christmas
Deskpilot3
Ad-supported
government to launch in November
Boris in A&E
after near fatal laughing fit
Boris worried that
Liz may have messed with his wallpaper
Charles' book
called Going Spare
Chess clubs report
more of a buzz recently
Conservative party
signs DNR agreement
Dartford residents
enjoy another day untroubled by Essex girls
First Easter eggs
appear in shops
Forgetful grave
digger had lost the plot
Lib Dems sponsored
silence enters seventh month
Liz Truss achieves
immortality in the world of the pub quiz
Man disappointed
with air fryer as still hungry after eating fried air
Man's tea declared
drinkable after being restrained by police
Mentally unstable
card player goes completely bezique
Pirates locate
their treasure using QArrrr codes
Prince Harry: I'm
looking forward to reading my book
Rishi sends thank
you message to Joab Eyeden
Royal Mail strikes
not affecting delivery performance
Scientist finds
dark matter in his vacuum cleaner bag
Sherlock Holmes
concludes that the Baker Street Irregulars need to eat more fibre
Striking teachers
told 'It's your own time you're wasting'
UK productivity
skyrockets thanks to WhatsApp outage
US court accepts
that Twin Towers coffee shop can be called Ground Zero
docholiday
Therese Coffey goes
to Halloween party as herself
dominic_mcg
Angela Lansburied
Crimea: No way back
as Ukraine burns its bridges
Ford scraps the
Fiesta car but the top shelf jazz mag is safe for now
Just Stop Oil
protestors have their minibus clamped
King Charles
advised to keep a couple of mornings free each week
Man told "You
can't say that!" had already said it
Truss: Boris had a
few affairs but I’ve f*cked the whole country
FlashArry
'Membership of
Truss Cabinet' now assumed misconduct
Irrelevant
Chris Eubank Jr and
Conor Benn to fight for IVF title
Jack the Quipper
Kwasi Kwarteng
returns to day job at Halifax Building Society
Octopus buys Bulb
in bid to become a chandelier
jackyates
Putin's
"Special Military Operation" renamed "Urban Gentrification
Project"
Jane Bostin
'Energy bills will
be £20,000 by April.' Sweating now, aren't you?
Johnson to become
PM again by the 28th, and go on holiday on the 29th
NHS: pregnant women
warned there's a 2 year waiting list to give birth
Truss wants to be
friends with Macron, as she no longer has any friends in the UK
jim Skinz
Dextrous plastic
surgeon admits making a right pig's ear
Sex pest Tory MP
bid to be shortest perving prime minister
Truss asks
Argentina to invade Falklands
joanne Starkie
Krishnan Guru-Murthy
suffers sudden onset of Toryette’s Syndrome during Steve Baker interview
Starmer complains
partial eclipse 'doesn't go far enough'
Tories hoping
clocks go back 6 weeks
Lockjaw
Kwasi, IMF = I'M
F*cked
Price rise of malted
fruit loaf blamed on Soreen inflation
Tories now unable
to organise a whip round
Mick Turate
Jacob Rees-Mogg
resigns to spend more time in the 19th century
King Charles's
popularity surges after calling PM an airheaded cow
Liz Truss forgets
to say Connor Burns had her full confidence before sacking him
Modelmaker
Chancellor:
"Nothing is off the table apart from your childrens' dinner"
Irish dancing faces
allegations of competition fixing and cheating after vibrating
Newsbiscuit named
as part of the Anti-Growth Coalition
Philosophers advise
Prime Minister to live every day as though it were her last
Not Titus
Investors atwitter
as Trump calls Musk 'sane'.
oshaughnessy
Alec Baldwin to
start shooting again
Kamikwarzi
Prince Andrew in
protest against protection of beavers
Scousers fail to
calm markets
Ragmans Trumpet
‘Braverman deserves
a second chance’, says back-stabbing chancer Gove
10 Downing Street
advertised on Airbnb – ‘perfect for short stays’
Couple who do
jigsaw puzzles get divorced, after she discovers he had a piece on the side
Kleptomaniacs
always take things literally
Mars rover deployed
to search for any evidence of credibility in Tory economic plan
MPs make a fuss,
cuss Truss, call her a wuss, and thrust her under a bus
New coin to
commemorate BBC has the Queen on one side, and a boring documentary on the
other
Phillip Schofield
loses £1m car ad contract, but gets another with WeJumpAnyQueue.com
Tory MPs are
revolting. Not breaking news, just a fact
robowurzel
Selection of next
Tory PM predicted to be a no-brainer
ron cawleyoni
BBC Pilot new
sitcom from Buck House: Dear, Oh Dear' Prime Minister.
Just Stop Oil
protestors have their Andy Warhol moment
Penny Dormaunt
Truss lifts Hunt
ban
SimonJMr
Tories accused of
using stealth conversion therapy - as Thérèse Coffey appears on tv
Tories confirm next
leader will be chosen using Ninja Warrior UK course
sinnick
Starmer to play
"Another One Bites The Dust" at next PMQs
SteveB
FOR SALE: Moral
compass. Four previous owners. Never used
NHS deCoffeynated
'One is opposed to
the nanny state' says nanny's boy nannied through Birmingham by police nannies
Suicide pills being
handed round in Downing Street bunker
stewartbarclay
Cleese's GB News
show 'Ministry of Silly Opinions'
Lib Dem HQ: 'Great
success Agent Truss. Onwards! To defeat!'
Therese Coffey now
your local MDMA dealer
Sydalg
Reunion of Flight
571 survivors "won't be needing catering service"
Unfortunate mixup
as NASA moves hemorrhoid
Titus
Block of flats to
be re-built after discovery that Banksy's stencil was applied wrong way up
Budget Replaced By
Fudge-It
King Charles awaits
hospital surgery to have bar code applied
Kwasi 'I got three
things wrong. Both of them, because I couldn't add up'
Off-duty guardsmen
flock to watch the ceremonial Changing of the Prime Minister
Walter Eagle
Gavin Williamson
appointed Minister without...
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