WOTM July 2022

It's been a three way fight this month between the might Wren, SteveB and yours truly, with Wren coming on top.  As usual links to the FPs, NiBs and Features (AKA left alert) below the leader board.  Also further down is information for the Cartoon of the month and, of course, the full ticker list.

apepper

As Nadine offered peerage, the country asks "What on Earth did she see Boris doing?"

Boris resignation speech "eerily familiar" say ex-wives & mistresses

Number 10 claims that leaving the EU "nothing to do with Brexit"

Poundland to only stock dust, matches and individual toilet paper sheets

Presenters lined up to faint for all future TV debates

Priti Patel orders 10,000 chess robots to break children's fingers

Sunak criticised for only promising one Earth

Sunak promises to only supply unicorns "when we can afford it"

Tories accuse Labour of stealing its "destroy the country" policy

Chipchase

Dear Aunty Newsbiscuit

Missing Village Idiot tipped to be next PM

Rats in a Sack demand Tory leadership candidates show them some respect

Shock as Sue Ellen Ewing makes a bid for the keys to No.10

Chrisf

How to run a successful Tory leadership campaign

Mr Bennett from Take Hart offers to form caretaker government

References to summer of 1976 reach record high

Royal Mail to charge Graham Brady per letter delivered

Tory member hugely disappointed with 'blue on blue action' in leadership contest

Danny Soz

Boris Johnson hits back furiously following 'BloJo' incident

DavidH

Treasure trove of bread recipes discovered

Deskpilot3

Bidding war erupts for Boris Johnson’s memoirs to be kept under wraps

Dominic_mcg

Parents furious as kids' summer blockbuster has no adult jokes

eppursimuove

England fan admits the women's game is "the real thing"

Filthy Rich

Discovered smuggling teens to R Kelly: 'still not Ghislaine’s fault'

French customs officials ‘enjoying halcyon new life’ in Rwanda

‘It was nice while it lasted’: Gavin Williamson cancels Lamborghini order

MP’s only wrongdoing was ‘groping on weeknight reserved for leering and coercive texting

Slut-shame nightmare of newly naked Lincoln Cathedral

UK now shaped like giant exclamation mark

FlashArry

Vardite militants "vow to continue the struggle"

Ian Searle

Following the success of passport control checks, Loyalty Stamps to be reintroduced in supermarkets

Jim Skinz

Rees-Mogg rules out throwing his pith helmet into the ring

Lockjaw

Earth's energy supplier to go on strike later today

James Webb telescope images reveal knack all

Russian apologist is 5-year-old boy

Medusatouch

Man in epic party 'believed he was prime minister'

Modelmaker

Advertising Standards Authority takes British Military to task

Demand for cut in price of Daily Mail now it will be using less ink

Missing Crytoqueen may have changed her appearance to be like Carrie Symonds

MP vows to scrap remaining EU laws

Researchers use Tory leadership contest to launch funding bids

Senior Leadership Teams express their dismay at Tory Leader candidates debate

Tories hope to tempt Stuart Hall out of retirement for It's a Knockout stage of leadership election

SimonJMr

Big Dog Big Eats' cookbook launched by Tory party

Sir Lupus

Boris demonstrates how to make a government entirely from left

Met Office issues "boring weather" warning for most of year

StanleyM

Boris Johnson to stand for 1922 Committee executive

I’ll make everybody a non-dom, says Nadhim Zahawi

MPs banned from playing board games on last day before summer recess, says Speaker

Tory members dismayed as televised hi-vis and hard hat outfit round cancelled

SteveB

Boris claiming credit for the vaccine rollout a bit like Debbie McGee taking credit for Harry Potter

Boris Johnson delivered all his promises just like Hannibal Lecter de-livered all his victims

Boris Johnson destroys Peppa Pig World from Typhoon fighter jet

Boris Johnson's happy place is in a fridge in a £150,000 treehouse in Ukraine

Due to heatwave, Cornwall changes name to Popcornwall

Energy crisis solved by spinning magnet made from perpetual sexist and racist Tory Member

Liz Truss prepared to say absolutely anything for Conservative member votes

Prime Minister could have survived if his trousers hadn't fallen down

stewartbarclay

Charles Bronson to use public parole hearing to enter Tory leadership race

Football transfer gossip to replace actual football

Is this the way to Amarillo? No, this is the road to hell

It's hot

‘More flags needed' for Tory leadership videos

Polio in, abortion out - welcome to the good old days

Radio DJ has consensual relationship with adult female

Scotland shocked to discover it has a cricket team

syntaxerror01

Not all is lost for Boris

Throngsman

Admiring paunchy middle aged men to become an offence

Conservatives' clean break to be one of two architects of broken government

I saved UK from Russian invasion, claims Sunak

Lewisham man beats record for words to describe 'speechless'

Man happily surprised to find out all fast track places sold at airport

Manc technology - or at least terminology - banned from China

Priti Patel deports Sir Mo Farah to Rwanda

Rishi Sunak and Liz Truss find a fridge large enough for both egos

Starmer added to Tory leadership poll

We didn't start the liar

Titus

Metrology Crisis As Size Of Wales Increases

Walter Eagle

Six ways to stay cool

Sturgeon promises Scottish military aid to Ukraine

Will

Tories suceed in having names like evil overlords

Wrenfoe

41C and your Mum can still feel a draft

70s patio listed as UNESCO World Heritage Site

Biden to defeat climate change by shooting it in the face

Face Eating Leopard sets out leadership campaign

Leveling Up: If Liz Truss can be PM any idiot can

LinkedIn can't keep up with Cabinet reshuffle

Liz Truss asks Labour on how to sabotage your own election

Protesters banned from using PAs unless swallowed by Kirstie Allsopp

Starmer officially out of promises to break

Thought banning strikes was bad? Hold my pint, says Starmer

Truss threatens to send refugees to Wakanda

Cartoon of the Month

The cartoon editors have agreed to have  cartoon of the month, based on views on the site as opposed to the cartoonist of the month.  This month the cartoon of the month is 'The Drawing Room, Downturn Abbey' by Lockjaw.  Well done, LJ

Tickers (AKA Headlines)

 

Adrian Bamforth          

All allegations against Chris Pincher are false, claims fellow MP Steve Grope

Lego brand to be replaced in Russia by Communist Blocks

apepper          

Statue of Johnson will be sited beside Thatcher's "to save on eggs"

benvoleo         

Tory anger that Starmer didn’t break lockdown rules

Danny Soz      

Johnson unaware of any specific resignations, says Daily Express

Deskpilot3       

Already impossible to speak to anyone at BT, so strike will make no difference

Baker arrested over online ads for crusty white bloomers

Cut price proctologists slug it out in race to the bottom

Fussy woodworm enjoys an occasional table

Impoverished contortionist can't make ends meet

Scotland cricket team 448 not out, but still at least a century behind

Tory leadership announcement put back from September to Hallowe'en

Tory leadership announcement put back from September to Hallowe'en

UK hotter than Europe; another Brexit dividend

dominic_mcg   

Climate Change protest called off due to good weather

DJ who everyone thought had left his radio show decades ago is to leave his radio show

Johnson and Raab to be replaced by Mick Fleetwood and Samantha Fox

Man putting his ducks in a row can't decide on alphabetical, colour or size

No case for Labour returning to power, says Starmer

Granger          

#GoNad - Dorrie's New Slogan To Prove She's Got Balls

My Anti Immigrant Policy Will Be More Vicious Than Yours, Say Both Sunak & Truss

Ian Searle

Hot weather may cause delays to rail strikes

Was Boris Johnson a robot sent from the future to kill Des O'Connor?

iscariot

Wagatha Christie latest: Coleen v Depp in the final. Rebekah v Heard in 3rd Place play-off

Lockjaw           

Outcry as next leadership debate shown on Cbeebies

micca  

Met Office issues warnings of dangerously hot air as Tory leadership contest nears ends

Mick Turate     

Chris Pincher blames nominative determinism for his actions

Government denies that hot weather due to high temperatures

Modelmaker    

Leadership hopefuls in bitter fight to deny party members their wishes

oshaughnessy

Birmingham man underwhelmed by introduction of Bison: 'We've had one in the bathroom for years'

First time in 300 years that a Rees-Mogg has perambulated outside sans tweed breeches

Leonardo DiCaprio & Kate Winslet found clinging to railings outside Conservative Party HQ

Nation mourns after losing its greatest comedy genius

Tom Tugendhat throws his hat in the ring to become Tom Tugend

robowurzel      

Bookies slash odds of Rebekah Vardy being the next Tory PM

ron cawleyoni  

Old Jack leaves Salty Dog at the helm of the Rainbow now

Sarah Tipper   

Everyone having a cup of tea now because it's going to get too hot to have one until Wednesday

sinnick

Don McLean finally reveals "America" didn't actually have any hidden meanings at all

Sir Lupus        

Snakebites becoming more common in UK, lager shandy declining

SteveB

45 mph rolling roadblock protests annoyingly save fuel, lives and make motorways flow perfectly

67 million people in queue to be deported to cooler Rwanda

Democracy working as next corrupt Tory chosen by same corrupt Tories who installed last corrupt Tory

Heatwave leads to trend in smoking jackets

stewartbarclay 

Charles Bronson to use public parole hearing to enter Tory leadership race

Collapsing moderator during Sunak/Truss debate 'captures mood of nation

Sydalg 

Boris promises to tackle infellation

James Webb telescope spots distant sign saying 'eff off and leave us alone'

World's airports in chaos as people flock to sunny Britain

Titus   

After Vardy Verdict, Boris Decides Not To Sue Former Cabinet Colleagues For Calling Him A Liar

Tories undecided whether to privatise government, or employ agency ministers

Walter Eagle

Liz-or-Rish Allsorts: What an awful choice