Writer and Cartoonist of the Month March 2022
Wren has done it (again) but Gero has had a stormer of a month as well. MM has pitched solidly through the month and helped keep the stories (and cartoons) flowing. Well done to all who have contributed, whether you got picked or not.
The links to all the Front Page and News in Brief subs are below the leaderboard. Below that is this months Cartoonist of the Month and below that is the full list of tickers.
Enjoy
apepper
Imposter PM phoned by Ukrainian
Queen "back on market" after Philip's memorial service
Ukrainian refugees confirm that being bombed is the same as having to wear a mask
Chipchase
Dr Who is 'pure shite' claims new study
Middle-class parents devastated to learn no one cares what their kids can do
Putin first world leader to send message of congratulations to Will Smith
Swanage man denies being Prime Minister
ChrisF
Apprentice candidate admits that failure on task was totally down to them
Budget has something for everyone, says Sunak
Footballers who 'put in a shift' are to be rewarded
Man successfully cooks something on smallest gas hob ring on cooker
Stop moaning, you're still saving 0.1p per litre, say petrol companies
TV Detective immediately spots crime on CCTV footage without asking for it to be rewound
Deceangli
Ukraine visas: successful entrants also awarded a degree
deskpilot3
Engineers remove massive 'partyberg' from Downing Street sewer
The perfect present for Mother's Day - gift petrol
Dominic_mcg
Man who enjoyed BAFTAs finally admits sleeping through the whole thing
Frank Optional
Europe surprised when total bastard starts shooting missiles at buildings
fward
Williamson to be knighted for services to dipshittery
Gerontius
‘Bombing schools and shooting children is smart’ claims Trump
Decision to stand and fight or seek safety same as trying to choose wallpaper patterns insists PM
Johnson to send 2000 fridges to help humanitarian aid
Johnson will allow some refugees in UK but only in if they bid to play him at tennis first
Man to beat alcohol dependency by taking up drugs
‘No room for you but your cats and dogs would be welcome’ Johnson tells refugees
'P&O ‘taking back control’ is a Brexit dividend insists government
‘Worst day of my life’ says man having to wait his turn at McDonalds drive thru
helenrushworth
Britain Poised for Anarchy as Government De-clarifies Rules
Fall in Covid-Cases Sees Welcome Return of Buy-a-Book-to-Match-Whatever-Fancy-Dress-Still-Fits-Day
Government Facing Growing Backlash from Homeowners Forced to Live with Covid
Jim Skinz
Put a granny in goal for our match, Chelsea tell Middlesbrough
Lockjaw
Fat Owl of the Remove snubbed at school reunion
Student Masterchef, Episode One.
Medparry
Sanctions on Russia to get even tougher
Midfield Diamond
FIFA strongly condemns Leeds' sacking of Bielsa
Modelmaker
Bullingdon Club members urged to have brain scans
Charity shops reveal the extent their income was boosted by the pandemic
Johnson insistent that he needs to read War and Peace before acting on Ukraine
Leaked medical records reveal Boris Johnson has rare speech impediment
Leaked plan to hold up placard behind Boris Johnson in PMQs
'New clause added to government fuel payments loan
oshaughnessy
'Pope condemns war and returns all Vatican condom machines to Russia
Prince Harry denazifies his wardrobe
Pagdog07
Lotto winner: I'll fill up the car and turn on the heating
Mum sets new world record speed for telling family bad news
Ragmans Trumpet
The Real Man’s Top 10 tips for using the bathroom
Robowurzel
Football club owner suffered ‘suspected poisoning
Sir Lupus
I chose not to consult householder and will pay 1% proceeds in compensation, says burglar
StanleyM
Isle of Wight Tiddlywinks Club bans Russian athletes
Local man would “definitely be as brave as the Ukrainians”
SteveB
Calling UK government 'liars' exactly like calling a mega-tsunami 'a bit lappy'
Chancellor sticks knife into 99% of population again because, well, it's just muscle memory reflex
stewartbarclay
Clock change causes UK economic boom
'Neighbours, everybody needs good neighbours, like me' croons Putin
'Tories: ‘Cost of living crisis not our fault, it's our Sistine Chapel'
TheNewsWalrus
Boris Johnson’s six point plan to end Ukraine crisis in full
Thermos of tea and an understanding nod not enough for ungrateful Ukrainians
Throngsman
Government runs out of bad news to bury - or has it?
Government 'up in arms' over 'other people in authority knowingly breaking the law'
PM defends UK refugee progress - or would do if there was any
Putin declares first phase complete as Hogwarts is surrounded
Queen complains about Knighthood workload
Unknown songwriter awarded 'at least a gazillion pounds' in court case
Titus
Britain Wins Gold In Paralytic Games
Russian Oligarch Considers Buying 'Neighbours'
Vertically Challenged Giant
Still time for nuclear war to save us from The Nan Movie, insists expert
Wrenfoe
Assisted suicide ‘much cheaper’ if you know Jeffrey Epstein
Consortium of Nazgul, Pirates and Hans Gruber to buy Chelsea
'Epstein Island sold to Bond villain
Hurdle - Your daily run with Douglas Hurd
Man's plan to end it all thwarted by slow cooker
Matching drugs to DNA should speed up heroin addiction
Rise in Russian mail order bribes
Russia sanctions to include the silent treatment and fat shaming
Snow to be banned, due to Russia connection
'Teenage boy admits he may have eaten the last of the cereal
'War is so horrid' says shocked man with no imagination
WW3 is a small price to pay to escape Brexit
Cartoons
The Cartoons editor Lockjaw, who again has posted a huge amount of cartoons this last month, has recused himself from being chosen as cartoonist of the month (COTM), but has agreed to cast the vote for the winning cartoon.
The nominations are:
Jack Yates
Russians Shmussians
Modelmaker
Where did you get
that hat?
Two leaders trying
to outdo each other
Putin's brain scan
leaked
Putin forced to
reassess plans for afterlife
Sunak helps out
Evolution
War conundrum
Modern government
Newsbiscuit
And the winner is...
Modelmaker, especially for War conundrum and Modern government
3hours
Britain bolsters
Ukrainian defence with huge shipment of “Keep Calm And Carry On” tea mugs
Adrian Bamforth
Perverts hail Russia
Today ban as one less channel before you get to Babestation
Chrisf
And the Oscar goes
to Will Smith for his performance in the Hand that Cradles the Rock
Deskpilot3
Chelsea's fate to
be decided by penalties
Ed Sheeran trial:
Jury members to receive specialist help after everything they had to listen t
Maddie
investigation McCanned
Proctologist denies
that he was in Putin's inner circle
Zaghari-Ratcliffe's
passport returned, as it's now expired
dominic_mcg
BBC suspends
journalists' work in Russia before Putin suspends them from trees
Ofcom to
investigate Russia Today and Ukraine tomorrow
Shooting yourself
in the foot is exactly the same as being murdered, says PM
FlashArry
PM resets to "bumbling
oaf" mode
Gerontius
Putin's promise to
withdraw about as believable as Johnson's
Williamson not sure
if knighthood is for being sacked as defence secretary or education secretary
jim skinz
The bottom's
dropped out of the market, says trap door maker
Lockjaw
Biden arrives at
Poundland by mistake
Boris invited to be
the face of Man at Primark ...by the CEO of Matalan
Masterchef to
commemorate Queen's Platinum Jubilee with meal of Coronavirus Chicken
Miggi
Ferry company
reveals what the P and O stand for with message to staff
Modelmaker
Tory party donates
£2m to Putin's 2024 election campaign
oshaughnessy
Aeroflot jet found
flying on autocratic pilot
Nyetflix pulls out
of Russia
Pagdog07
Rick Astley: Why I
struggle with Lent
robowurzel
Boris dropped from
Downing Street Pancake Day race team for being a useless tosser
rogerg
UK Government still
agonising over how to kill off old people - freeze or starve?
ron cawleyoni
Chelski from
Premier League to Premier Inn
Jacob Rees-Mogg
leads convoy of Penny Farthings delivering gruel to refugees in Poland
UK speeds up Visa
access for Ukrainian refugees by sending dinghies to Calais
Sinnick
Billionaire tells
poor to expect fall in living standards. No, really!
Sir Lupus
Abramovich sick as
a parrot
Good news: IPCC
confirms Putin's nuclear winter could slow global warming
stewartbarclay
Clive Myrie to be
next James Bond
Sydalg
Boris claims Russia
"would save £350m a week" by pulling out of Ukraine
Formula One tackles
fuel shortage with compulsory carpooling
Wrenfoe
Mystery allotment
grows – as ‘plot thickens’
Wrexfan
Warne, bowled at 52
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