Writer of the Month February 2022
SteveB has done it again, pipping the Big O by a couple of points. Surprisingly newcomer Putin hasn't made any impact on the leaderboard - maybe better luck next month unless he's preoccupied!
As per last month all the data including the Front Page/News in Brief/Features links plus the Cartoon of the Month winner and the full list of tickers are reproduced below.
apepper
All night garages braced for Valentine's Day shopping spree
Man whose penis froze during Olympics weirdly proud
Rees-Mogg confident on finding yeti "soon"
Rees-Mogg: "There's no connection between Storm Eunice and trees being on the blown over"
Chipchase
Johnson abandons sanctions in favour of 'Williamson Doomsday Solution'
Westminster man denies being Boris Johnson
Chrisf
5 Winter Olympic Sports Team GB would medal in
10 annoying corporate phrases that are sure to 'move your needle'
Dan. F
Who should replace Boris Johnson as Prime Minister? YOU decide!
Demonicgroin
Who should replace Boris Johnson as Prime Minister? YOU decide!
Deskpilot3
Incompetence to be inducted as fifth horseman of the apocalypse
eppursimuove
Brussels recognises breakaway republics of Hampstead and Islington
FlashArry
Russian Army Ramblers upset by NATO Posturing
Frank Optional
Biden: Wales could invade Cornwall at any moment
Classic Russian Playbook' banned from children's libraries after invasion of Ukraine
Putin misses open-mike spot at the Moscow Chuckle Club
Masked avengers to sue government for lost earnings
Gary Stanton
Ukraine's internet connections still outperforming TalkTalk Broadband
Gerontius
Devon estate agent first in UK to use war as reason for sluggish housing market
Drunk, texting motorist driving unroadworthy car still waiting for police report
'Hank the Tank put on standby’ warns Biden
‘Let’s get back to headlines about dead people and fraud’ Johnson urges Cabinet
More misery for Johnson as Larry the Cat resigns from Cabinet
'Russian oligarchs could be limited to £2m donations' warns Johnson
helenrushworth
Anti-abuse charity ramps up its 'Go Means Go' campaign
UN calls for subjective sports to be phased out of Olympics
Ian Searle
All the King's Horses and all the King's men resign over Dumpty's remarks
Man with no backbone runs the country thanks to wealthy donors
Willy Wonka to scrap 'Golden Ticket'
jeremynh
WHO wards off Ukraine invasion with brilliant Covid-based peace plan
Midfield Diamond
League Against Cruel Sports calls for end to Boris baiting
NewsBiscuit Editorial Team
Government to enshrine vacuous promises in law
Nice Admin Lady
Feng Shui is just Chinese for ‘Health & Safety’
Teachers told to be unbiased except when we need them to be
nickb
Boris Johnson denies being Boris Johnson
oshaughnessy
Boris wins Oscar nomination for best song & dance routine in Westminster Side Story
Government confident of a gold medal in the wine fridge bobsleigh
Useless British sporting losers can be pelted with rotten eggs & fruit says minister
London Mayor insists Russian tanks will pay the congestion charge like everyone else
Man with no pets traumatised by advice to keep pets safe during storm
NEWSBISCUIT offer: Free BORIS QUITS! cut and paste headline for all our readers
psamantha
90% of UK court backlog is due to Royal Family litigation
Johnson's Mission To Ukraine Fails To Find Out If They've Been To Peppa Pig World
Robowurzle
He's got other stuff to get on with today
Prime Minister triumphant after by-election landslide
Ransomware infects Tory party.
Sarah Tipper
Second Hand Hot Tub Market Buoyant
Sir Lupus
Aristocrats all want COVID now the Queen has it
Cummings still waiting for job reference from last employer.
Nation plans street parties to mark Boris' departure.
StanleyM
Local woman urges immediate publication of full Sue Gray report to end the bad jokes
'We have to learn to live with World War Three, Boris says
SteveB
Boris Johnson gone. No more. Ceased to be. Kicked the leadership bucket. He is an ex-Prime Minister.
Jimmy Savile receives required number of letters
New government chief of communications positive spin machine installed wrong way up
Russian sanctions against the West will be the harshest since the great Lada shortage of 1981
Sexed-down dossier on Russian infiltration of British high streets declassified by UK government
Trumpton accuses neighbouring town's gas supplier of 'Camberwick Green-washing'
'Unspired' - residents of Wells living in fear of more events from the film Hot Fuzz occurring
stewartbarclay
British sports fans gripped by Winter Olympic fever
Local news reporter needlessly out in storm
Primark ‘We want kids to be sexy not sexist’
Putin wins Masked Singer with Anarchy in the Ukraine
Rees-Mogg gets Brexit opportunity for ‘Sunlit Uplands’ screenplay
Suburban Dad
The Repair Shop still not sure about “Granny Vibrators”
Throngsman
Animal sanctuaries braced for more evacuated mutts
UEFA hope to knobble Russia by taking GazProm sponsorship
Government denies confusing messages as Brits leaving Ukraine forced to have PCR first
Government denies cost cutting as it launches Pre-Loved lateral flow kits and PPE
Russia denies Rhyl is part of Russia
The new Metropolitan Police caution
Vertically Challenged Giant
Fears grow for covid after it is infected by Laurence Fox
Wrenfoe
Guide to being an edgy comedian
Holly Willoughby is still flirting with you
Justice for imprisoned Post Office workers still ‘in the post’
Police Commissioner resigns after beating a confession out of herself
Schrodinger's Queen is both dead and alive
Trudeau presses large button marked 'panic'
Cartoons
The Cartoons editor Lockjaw, who again has posted a huge amount of cartoons this last month, has recused himself from being chosen as cartoonist of the month (COTM), but has agreed to cast the vote for the winning cartoon.
The nominations are:
jack yates
Brexit promises inspiration in supermarket
Tense moments in World Championship Floral Air-Hockey
semi-final
Modelmaker
HaircutsRus
Hello comes to No. 10
No 10 morning alarm sounds
Solution to how far Boris can be thrown before he can be
trusted
ron cawleyoni
New favourite appears for the Grand Nationalist
Sinnick
Putin spends time with Xi
SteveB
Aesthetic appreciation from a true artist
Authenticity of Vermeer's 'Girl with Pearl Nosering'
questioned
Baldrick Boris lets cunning Ukraine plan cat out of bag
Something not quite right about Leonardo's masterpiece Lady
With An Ermine...
Trumpton invades Camberwick Green
Ukraine invasion delayed until after 'Richard Osman's House
of Games'
And the winner is:
Modelmaker with Hello comes to No. 10
Ticker list
Adrian Bamforth
Downing Street residents hit by cost of lying crisis
Al O'Pecia
UK dispatches Paddington Bear to Moscow to give Putin a Hard
Stare
apepper
Debrett's clarify correct form for addressing Prince Andrew
as "Your Disgrace"
Ukraine bitterly regrets building such interesting churches
Camz
Army on standby as Storm Vladimir approaches from the East
Deskpilot3
Adele wins Brit award for best cancellation of the year
Boris tells Russia to steppe back
Boris thrilled that no-one's talking about parties any more
EU response on Russian sanctions isn't swift
Lemming population plummets
Levelling Up destined for the same fate as Big Society
Man with severed spine walks. PM with no backbone fails to
walk.
My Ukraine peace mission a brilliant success, says Macron
Queen's platinum jubilee celebrations already over budget by
£12m
Threat to take Russia Today off air upsets both viewers
dominic_mcg
Nadine Dorries to decide what Brits are allowed to laugh at
Postmasters felt like second class citizens
Prince Andrew's gofundme page not quite as popular as he
hoped
Putin furious after Carol from Dudley changes her profile
pic to Ukraine flag
Russian soldiers who entered Ukraine were just fetching
their ball, says Kremlin
Gerontius
'I know when someone has pulled out and when they haven't'
confirms Johnson
Storm Eunice does more levelling up in 10 hours than Tories
have in 10 years
Ian Searle
Angry dog makes fortune with bit coins.
Jacob Rees-Moog warns people to baton down their Nannies
US denies looking for pretext to invade Wordle
jack yates
Panorama special on Brexit Britain wins 'Best Dystopian
Drama' award
PM's barrage of sanctions against Russia to include not
ordering caviar for No 10 parties
jim Skinz/ron cawleyoni
'Light duties' of Covid-hit Queen include writing cheques
for second son
Landfill
Have a career break. Have a kick kat.
Lockjaw
Wicked Witch of the East dies in fluke flying shed incident
MADJEZ
Boris tells Putin 'I said restrictions were over and people
were free to travel, I didn't mean...'
Conservatives to answer questions on Downing Street parties
with 'Yeah, but Jimmy Carr....'
Prince Edward: It's a Royal Knockout doesn't seem so bad now
eh!
Sadiq Khan gets Dick out.
Mick Turate
Aleksandr Orlov and Sergei to have their assets frozen
Midfield Diamond
Boris Baiting to become pay-per-view on Sky Sports
Five leaving parties or one biggie?
oshaughnessy
Boris and Starmer tailor made for Savile row
Low income families celebrate as Waitrose limits price
increase on organic quail eggs
Measles cases not being spotted
Pipeline no longer in the pipeline
Putin no longer eligible for free covid tests
Trump: ‘What’s the problem? I just paid Storm Daniels to go
away’
WINTER OLYMPICS LATEST: Team GB skating on thin ice
Paul L
GCSEs and A-level exems in 2022 will be graded more generosly
ron cawleyoni
People WFH confused by Met Office 'Stay at Home' warning!
Public advised to say a little prayer, as Storm Franklin
approaches.
Sinnick
Met police hoping to find a black person to blame in those
300 party photographs
Sir Lupus
Energy crisis: Govt to insulate UK homes with the cavity in
Sunak's soul
Putin moves troops away from Ukraine border and into Ukraine
SteveB
Brits bracing for storm F*ckface
Theresa May tells Boris Johnson 'Leave means leave'
'We don't want Boris to go' says Britain, 'Unless it's to
prison'
stewartbarclay
£109.9m EuroMillions winner able to afford shopping and
heating
Sydalg
Antique bottle of Tipp-Ex becomes corrector's item
Charles pays Queen undisclosed sum to die within next six
months
Titus
Russian grandfather wins Olympic medal after mix-up with
grand-daughter's drugs
Underconstruction
Giant, freak waves? Why not walk your dog along the
promenade?
Wife of skier with frozen penis ‘thought it was Fab’
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