WOTM 2021 final
SteveB has had a cracking month and ends up on top - again. StewartB, however, has given Steve a run for his money and pipped Wren to the post in the bargain. Well done to everyone who made the leaderboard and helped make NB what it is.
As usual links to all the subs below the leader board and tickers are in the chat room.
A. L. Shaw
#takebackcontrol means ‘please come back at double the price’, government confirms
apepper
£2 billion drop in exports and other head scratchers – Daily Express
Cost of Knighthood ‘way beyond means of average crook on the make’
Priti Patel welcomes opportunity to deport people on Christmas Day
Ron Jenkins resigns as viewer of GB News
ArthurPyke
Johnson defends Isle of Skye withdrawal
BangingOnAgain
Speeding up as someone is over taking you and other ways to be a driving god
Chipchase
Owner wins plaudits for blaming own dog over unprovoked attack
Chrisf
Don’t trigger article 50 on my account, says Trigger
Man completing daft Facebook games shocked to be hacked
TV first as pathologist gives precise time of death
Deceangli
Every Christmas to be ‘saved’ by Boris ad infinitum
dominic_mcg
Drug dealers concerned customers are unsure of Imperial measurements
Elmo appointed new Secretary of State for Education
Russian government denies involvement in the opal fruits/starburst name change
FlashArry
Craft brewer comes full circle with beer-flavoured beer
Gerontius
Tears of hungry children will help fill my swimming pool’ chancellor promises parents
Ironduke
Afghans call in us airlift for colicky labrador as Taliban mortar rounds land
ItsMeJack
Parents threaten to go on strike unless school uniforms are nationalised
Jumes Pluside
Imports of red tape cut by increased border bureaucracy
Joanne Starkie
Proof of not being Michael Gove now required for entry to Scottish nightclubs
Lockjaw54
Courtroom artist’s rendition of defendant stunningly accurate
Midfield Diamond
Traumatised shopper forced to use Lidl
MzWibble
EU Apple device users outraged at plans to give same charger as everyone else
Newsbiscuit Editorial Team
ITV 2 in highbrow archaeology show shock
Told you so, say Aztec priests
NickB
CO2 shortage: government urges people to breathe out more and breathe in less
Surgical appliance replaces foreign secretary
oshaughnessy
Entire UK placed on suicide watch after Abba release new album
rogerg
City of London promises to re-wild itself
ron cawleyoni
Now that’s what I call dancing… Gov, vol 1.
Sir Lupus
Indian team admits: ‘we just didn’t fancy a week in Manchester’
Motorists fear Taliban takeover of petrol stations when army withdraw
Panicked Kier Starmer stockpiling Labour members
PM blames expanding universe for empty supermarket shelves and petrol shortage
Raab says Afghan refugee talks in Ibiza are ‘not another holiday’
SteveB
Brits stockpiling their own breath in empty pickle jars
Chanel gives up number 5 for Cristiano Ronaldo
Channel 4 smashes world record for getting interviewees to blub
Chicken-runners smuggling KFC into Auckland caught licky-fingered
‘Covid passports would be unfair’ says smug b*’tard who already has covid pass
Din-dins choo-choo noises replaced with 5:35 from platform 2 delay announcement
First rule of Labour Party conference is that you don’t talk about Labour Party conference
Gross incompetence saves UK from catastrophic implosion
HGV test will scrap reversing, braking and steering
Surplus UK vaccine to be loaded into super soakers
Things Prince Andrew is sweatier than
Threat of Third World War less feared than threat of ancient Greek poetry
Unattended PM on nursery school visit eats crayons and smears own faeces on face
Urgent recall announced due to electrical fault in 8.2 million deadly Cheerios
Steve Blair
Army to machine-gun turkeys to help avert Christmas shortage
stewartbarclay
All work and no pension makes Therese a dull girl
Big Dick energy latest utility company in trouble
British TV British legally British required to be British
Convicted terrorist takes precaution of being white
Emma Raducanu’s success ‘all down to Piers Morgan’
Magic 8 ball determines cabinet reshuffle
Metric Martyrs chain-ed in a bushel and peck-ed furlong time
New rules for Strictly Come Adultering
Northern commuters delighted by London underground extension
Priti Patel – the face that sank a thousand ships
Rashford not sure which white cabinet minister he spoke to
Tories: ‘burn down country, claim National Insurance money’
What to do in a ‘bag for life or death’ situation
Thatwasbeast
Man downs three-course lunch by 10:30am
Throngsman
Afghan translators concerned about spam emails
Covid over as nearly 800 people die in a week
Starmer homework eventually marked
Titus
Britain withdraws from Isle of Wight
Vertically Challenged Giant
“I’m not panic buying, I’m filling up while I can” says panic buyer
Nasa rover discovers Starbucks on Mars
Wrenfoe
Afghans can stay says Home Office. Check the small print say Windrush generation
Cabinet reshuffle is ‘top trolling’
Clerical error leads to Labour Party suspending ‘disbelief’
Covid welcomes relaxation of restrictions on covid
HS2 has ‘no end in sight’? Surely some sort of platform would work?
Jab for 12-15’s will protect against pinch punch first of the month
Joe Rogan to fight covid MMA style
Lawyers to serve Prince Andrew papers, by hiding them on teenage girl
Neil & GB News split. Neil to get custody of Brexit
Smoke alarms on space station triggered by alien bacon
Split in fabric of time causes Abba to reappear
Studios in bidding war for movie rights to Starmer’s ‘essay’
‘Windows 11? I’ve barely mastered Windows 95′ complains man.
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