July 2021 WOTM final
Last month there was debate whether SteveB or Wren took the virtual prize. In the end they both did, so despite Steve cleary pipping Wren by a couple of points I'm invoking the Wren rule big time and declaring Stanley M as this month's winner. As usual all the links to subs are below the leaderboard and tickers are in the chat room.
Adrian Bamforth
Media declares free news story day
apepper
Raab’s mobile number online for decade, but no-one’s called it
ArthurPyke
Witch King of Angmar condemned by orc rank and file
BangngOnAgain
Man has nervous breakdown trying to open liquid hand wash
Parents remortgage house to pay for child’s Sylvanian Families habit
Woman emigrates after waving at someone who was waving at someone behind her
Woman posting about being too busy not too busy to post about how busy she is
Chipchase
Lucrative pizza ads beckon for England’s young lions after Wembley penalty woes
Chrisf
Man ‘stable’ after draining cooked pasta water down the sink
Family actually prefer my armchair Olympic commentaries, says dad
Olympic sports you ludicrously think you could medal in
Dan.F
Man on bus really looking forward to coughing all over you again come July 19th
DavidH
Coldplay acquisition of Mr. Whippy in meltdown
Deceangli
Tolerance ‘getting out of hand’ say angry men
Dominic_mcg
Woman ecstatic after finding an episode of Friends she hadn’t seen
Gary Stanton
Tom Daley wins gold in synchronized tube station diving
Gerontius
Government to target victims of violent crime
Harry defends putting landmines around Diana statue
Study reveals difference between self-absorbed narcissist and slackers
Grand Moff Starkin
BBC pundits forlorn after realising current England players better than them
Duchess of Cambridge self-isolating after wearing same jacket twice
Man only booked holiday to cause scene at airport about having to wear mask
‘Racism not okay on social media but fine in my newspaper column’, PM explains
‘There’s no room for football in racism’, bigots confirm
ItsMeJack
School to start selling random shit in retaliation for Aldi selling uniforms
James_doc
New nanoparticle still not small enough for Tommy Robinson violin
jeremymh
Lord Haw-Haw to be the exciting new face of GB News
Prince Harry publishing memoirs, in case we’ve forgotten about his stuff
TV commentator Sam Matterface in training for full meltdown tonight
jeremymh - ‘Who could have predicted trouble from this drunken, angry mob?’ says Met Police
medparry
Rumsfeld ‘doublespeak’ death mystery
Midfield Diamond
Passport control officials to re-train as nightclub bouncers
NickB
Crimestoppers hit by gobstoppers
GB News has ‘minus zero viewing figures’ as presenters reduced to watching audience
oshaughnessy
Boris, Gove & Hancock pen new England anthem: three liars on my shirt
British public completely baffled over what exactly JPN stands for
Met Office warns it could be hotter than the surface of the sun by Friday
Northerners believed to be targeted by Pegasus Pieware
Pingageddon as NHS covid app forces entire UK population to self-isolate
Oxbridge
England football team to unite nation, say people who divided it
Paul L
Faulty bikes ‘causing teenagers to ride dangerously’
Ragmans Trumpet
Lamda variant ‘not an 80s dance craze’, WHO says
North Koreans heartbroken at Kim Jong-un’s only slightly obese appearance
Sarah Tipper
Virgin Galactic flight delay leads to expensive KitKat purchase
We’re full now, insist fridges
Woman successfully buys bra online
Scribbler
Kensington statue wins not looking like Diana contest
Sinnick
Highway code updated for cyclists
StanleyMizaru
Chaos and confusion as matt Hancock attends Cabinet meeting
Militias form as pm says protecting Afghanistan is now ‘personal responsibility’
Only those that can’t afford to quarantine will have to quarantine
Trump sues NewsBiscuit for not writing about him
Whitty and Vallance jump ship to Saturday night on ITV
SteveB
Estimate concludes that Wembley Stadium “about the size of a football pitch”
Football punditry actually a live group therapy session
Government creates essential new role of witchfinder general
Major supermarkets now selling fruit ‘for display purposes only’
Nation pities poor Boris stoically self-isolating on massive country estate
New tasty fluoride snacks mean no one has to brush their teeth any more
Police chief warns that there is a critical shortage of trouser inspectors
Pop world rocked by revelation that Dawn Butler was 6th Spice Girl
Shapps wants hauliers to join government in being asleep at the wheel
stewartbarclay
Air con more expensive than cocaine
Legal problems mounting for George Galloway
‘No, not that kind of racism’ say Tories
Number 10 to privatise number 4
Oops I did Gove again, admits Britney Spears
Sunner
Protest at ban of shitty fingered “anti-hand washers” from finger-food buffet
Sydalg
Dinosaurs to make comeback tour
Throngsman
Britons returning from staycations to self isolate
Turd emoji quivers as Clippy returns
Virgin Galactic bus replacement service ‘ready to go’
Titus
Arms manufacturers recommend keeping foreign aid at 0.75% of GDP
Secret meetings frantically discuss Southgate tribute
Vertically Challenged Giant
Football calls ahead and asks you to pop the kettle on
Wrenfoe
Bolsonaro chronic hiccups is just his soul trying to escape
Family shocked: ‘we’ve got a bread maker?!?’
Furlough scheme to be replaced with ‘hopes and prayers’
Liverpool stripped of world heritage status, forced to hand back the Beatles
M&S to cut Christmas goods to Northern Ireland, but not their mawkish adverts
Met Police officer ‘shamed’ for having committed no crime
Public urged to count butterflies to distract from the covid numbers
Starmer ‘listening’ tour, third on the bill after Showaddywaddy
Success of Iceland’s four-day week leads Britain to adopt an eight-day week
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