WOTM May 2021 mid month

SteveB and James-doc are slugging it out at the top, with Wren and Bangin' fighting for third and fourth place.  Still early days though, so watch this space.




A.Mantra 

Keir Starmer punching himself in the face repeatedly

Outraged nation punishes Tories with nine-point lead

Adrian Bamforth 

British and French shepherds clash over disputed pastures

Parties vow to be more ‘doorsteppy’

apepper 

‘People aren’t interested in piracy but in impressive shanties’ claims Blackbeard

BangingOnAgain 

DIY enthusiast Meghan Markle releases bench-building debut

Parents unanimously agree to tell kids parties are banned forever

Terror and dread as government confirm hugs are back

Wills & Kate share home vid part 2: ‘it’s all gone to shit’

Woman caught in massive WhatsApp group chat ‘at breaking point’

Bookiesfriend 

Hartlepool votes for change after 11 years of disastrous Labour government

Chrisf 

Line of Duty to join new European police drama super league

FlashArry 

Donald Trump’s penis to run for office

Frank Optional

Boris Johnson’s personal phone number discovered on Pioneer10 plaque

Britain stands down to Thunderbird alert level 3

Gotcha! Our boys sink French plastic bag floating away from Jersey

SNP plans carefully phased increase of independence from absolutely everything

Statute of limitations runs out on Blue Peter garden vandalism

Gerontius 

‘Voters happy with corruption as long as MPs honest about it’ claims new poll

Ian Searle 

Jack the giant killer will no longer accept magic beans in return for cows

James_doc 

Bitcoin crash as Tesla accepts tulip bulbs

France cuts Jersey’s electricity; Isle of Wight to provide aid

Internet standards committee decrees: it’s an alley

Labour reshuffle: Angela Lansbury to join shadow cabinet

Methane crisis: farting to be rationed

NHS waiting list crisis: diagnosis to be made by Facebook groups

UK mass observation project: entries now in

Midfield Diamond 

Man in wrong queue for Plymouth Argyle season ticket feels a bit of a prick

MzWibble 

Man desperate to go back to the office, devastated to find his job is still shit

oshaughnessy 

Boris puts Mars on the UK’s green travel list

Fury as ‘ungrateful’ India rejects recycled claps for NHS

Government lifts all restrictions on shagging with complete strangers

Oxbridge 

Lambs!

Man who said ‘boo’ to a goose in critical condition in hospital

Paul L 

Man who disappeared from barbecue ‘missing, presumed warm’

SteveB 

Carrie Symonds planning to totally shag up the outside of number 10 as well

Google now referring to itself in the fourth person

Line of Duty was all just Cressida Dick’s dream

NewsBiscuit’s guide to ongoing celebrity joint ventures

Queen’s Speech confirms general election vote will require Tory member photo ID

stewartbarclay 

Cowell to launch Labour Idol

Hartlepool turkeys strongly pro-Christmas

Matt Hancock ‘still awful’

Sydalg

Birmingham man sues for right to eat his family

Google Drunk to be added to Google Street View

Satan demands inquiry into negative TripAdvisor reviews of Hell

Trevor Rudge 

Line of Duty finale extends Tory lead to 25 points

Wrenfoe 

Israel asks UK: ‘colonialism. Does it end well?’

Melinda Gates to get Belgium in divorce settlement

PM to allow his patented ‘special hug’

Rayner told to shadow Gove but eerily Gove casts no shadow

Starmer blames Scooby Doo team

Woman asks: ‘should I pay an overdue e-bill for an iPhone I don’t have?’

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Welcome to the Unofficial Newsbiscuit Writer of the Month Competition

If you've strayed onto this blog please note it is being used to keep the monthly results of the Writer's competition run unofficially by myself on behalf of the contributors to the UK's foremost satire news site, Newsbiscuit .  Newsbiscuit was created and is supported by comic genius John O'Farrell to provide a place for aspiring and proven comic writers alike to work in.  This blog is not an official organ of Newsbiscuit and any errors or omissions are mine alone, If you want to get to Newsbiscuit itself (and who wouldn't) then click here . If you fancy having a stab at writing satire (or any form of humour) then the Writer's Room is here .  Please note you have to register with the website before you can contribute.  If you want to read the guidelines for writers, please click here . Most writers write under a pseudonym, partly to be mysterious, mainly to keep their reputations intact.  Top tip - choose a name that is short and, critically, easy f...
Read more

Writer of the Month January 2024

Image
 Deskpilot is on form this month, taking 30 points followed by yours truly on 29 and eppursimouve on 28, so pretty close all round.  As usual there are links to all the Fronty Pages, News in Brief and Features below.  The cartoon  of the month follows the leaderboard and the full list of headlines below that. apepper "Stop the boats" policy expanded to include flag ship policies Beau-Jolly Vet successfully operates on three-headed dog billclay Illegal Immigration Minister arrested after complaints from Legal Migration Ministe r Vape company mascot “Mr Cuddles” denies claims of targeting children Chipchase Govt ministers doing TV round will ditch facts in favour of barefaced lies Great British Menu slammed 'pretentious, dangerous and out of control' Chrisf Man insists on calling moderately unusual events ‘absolute scenes' Deskpilot3 Labour hopes to secure landslide general election victory with celebrity MPs Public demands more honours returned Unthinkable! Policy ...
Read more

Writer of the Month March 2024

Image
Deskpilot has topped the leaderboard (again) with a brilliant set of headlines plus a not too shabby run of FPs and NiBs.  SteveB has kept the pressure on and eppursimuouve brings up a creditable third place. There's a full list of the published subs below the leaderboard with links, the cartoon of the month and a full list of headlines. apepper Galloway: "We'll take seats from labour, providing they don't stand, obviously" Garrick Club doubles down and bans men as well as women Jeremy Hunt diverts entire GDP into his own constituenc y Tory donor slams year-long waiting list for knighthood Unnamed Tory MP not under investigation by Standards Committee Ashbery Boat Race Betting (and Pooping) Guide Chipchase Irish Eyes smiling as Bono grants Pope an audience Shock: National Treasure, Tiddler, was double agent Trump: My 4-goal haul in 1966 World Cup Final will never be beaten david2468 Foreign Secretary visits Thailand to pursue stronger economic and defence ties… he...
Read more