WOTM May 2021 final
SteveB would have taken the crown this month had it not been for the dratted Wren rule. Which means that James_doc gets to wear the coveted virtual mug for the month of June. Pretty reasonable if you ask me given James has scored in every box on the table this month.
A.Mantra
Fury and Joshua can just have a scrap in my car park, says pub landlord
Keir Starmer punching himself in the face repeatedly
Outraged nation punishes Tories with nine-point lead
What else has Jeff Goldblum been in? Asks idiot missing the f*cking point
Adrian Bamforth
British and French shepherds clash over disputed pastures
Parties vow to be more ‘doorsteppy’
apepper
‘People aren’t interested in piracy but in impressive shanties’ claims Blackbeard
We are responding calmly to head loss claims chicken
BangingOnAgain
DIY enthusiast Meghan Markle releases bench-building debut
Dominic Cummings gives evidence from glass house in Barnard Castle
Dominic Cummings to rule as evil overlord
Excitement builds as new Portugal variant set for release in August!
Government issue daily reminder to public: if it goes wrong it’s your fault
Hancock stands by decision to award contract to his hamster
Murderous gang not at Cummings house last April – the Tories were in Westminster
Parents unanimously agree to tell kids parties are banned forever
Terror and dread as government confirm hugs are back
Wills & Kate share home vid part 2: ‘it’s all gone to shit’
Woman caught in massive WhatsApp group chat ‘at breaking point’
Woman that ‘doesn’t give a toss’ about Friends reunion sectioned
Benvoleo
‘You can’t say that’ say Americans defending first amendment
Bookiesfriend
Hartlepool votes for change after 11 years of disastrous Labour government
Chrisf
Line of Duty to join new European police drama super league
Second wave of Dominic Cummings tweets ‘inevitable’, sources confirm
‘Whole of Argentina’ joins list of standard units of measurement
DavidH
Deceangli
Lord Brownlow ‘new face of changing rooms’
FlashArry
Donald Trump’s penis to run for office
Frank Optional
Boris Johnson’s personal phone number discovered on Pioneer10 plaque
Britain stands down to Thunderbird alert level 3
Gotcha! Our boys sink French plastic bag floating away from Jersey
SNP plans carefully phased increase of independence from absolutely everything
Statute of limitations runs out on Blue Peter garden vandalism
Gerontius
‘Voters happy with corruption as long as MPs honest about it’ claims new poll
Ian Searle
Jack the giant killer will no longer accept magic beans in return for cows
James_doc
Australian trade deal risks flooding UK with cheap pop music
Bitcoin crash as Tesla accepts tulip bulbs
Cummings to release Barnard Castle eye test
France cuts Jersey’s electricity; Isle of Wight to provide aid
Internet standards committee decrees: it’s an alley
Isle of Wight closes airspace to Belarus
Labour reshuffle: Angela Lansbury to join shadow cabinet
Methane crisis: farting to be rationed
NHS waiting list crisis: diagnosis to be made by Facebook groups
UK mass observation project: entries now in
jeremymh
Government launches support scheme for UK’s lockdown little Hitlers
Landfill
Serfdom to be trialled in Hartlepool
Max Stars
Most university plagiarism policies found to have been copied
Midfield Diamond
Man in wrong queue for Plymouth Argyle season ticket feels a bit of a prick
Mrkerryt
Priti Patel earns blue belt in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu
MzWibble
Man desperate to go back to the office, devastated to find his job is still shit
NickB
Dylan arrested for ‘harmonica crime’
Police fail to find nauseatingly grizzly remains at Fred West café
‘The BBC murdered princess Diana’, report says, after ex-dg identified as ‘H’
nicharper
Surgery backlog: alternative medicine practitioners keen to “have a go”.
oshaughnessy
Boris & Carrie to marry next year unless, of course, he finds someone else
Boris puts Mars on the UK’s green travel list
Fury as ‘ungrateful’ India rejects recycled claps for NHS
Government lifts all restrictions on shagging with complete strangers
Palestinian on Grand Designs says he’s rebuilding his house just using dialogue
Sir Keith told to squeeze some thighs if he wants to boost his popularity
World leaders deny developing a deny everything app
Oxbridge
Man who said ‘boo’ to a goose in critical condition in hospital
Paul L
Man who disappeared from barbecue ‘missing, presumed warm’
Sarah Tipper
People who love Christmas attempting to convince everyone Junemas is a thing
SteveB
Carrie Symonds planning to totally shag up the outside of number 10 as well
First 10 plane loads to land in Portugal all journalists reporting you can visit
Google now referring to itself in the fourth person
Line of Duty was all just Cressida Dick’s dream
NewsBiscuit’s guide to ongoing celebrity joint ventures
One half of nation certain other half hypnotised by spivs
Queen’s Speech confirms general election vote will require Tory member photo ID
Spanky the rutting terrier annihilated by Boris at attempting to hump things
stewartbarclay
Hartlepool turkeys strongly pro-Christmas
Kids just bloody awful, research suggests
Kim Jong Un chilling out, maxing, relaxing all cool
UK ‘overwhelming favourites’ to win Eurovision
Sydalg
Birmingham man sues for right to eat his family
Google Drunk to be added to Google Street View
Satan demands inquiry into negative TripAdvisor reviews of Hell
Throngsman
Letting wine breathe is bollocks, confirms expert
Travel advice based on highway code interpretation by make
Trevor Rudge
Line of Duty finale extends Tory lead to 25 points
Wrenfoe
Belarus hijackers condemned for aggressive tourist strategy
Israel asks UK: ‘colonialism. Does it end well?’
Melinda Gates to get Belgium in divorce settlement
PM to allow his patented ‘special hug’
Rayner told to shadow Gove but eerily Gove casts no shadow
Scandal, as teachers award higher grades to brighter students
Something about Princess Diana
Starmer blames Scooby Doo team
To even things up, MoD to export rocks to Palestine
Woman asks: ‘should I pay an overdue e-bill for an iPhone I don’t have?’
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