March 2021 WOTM competition final
Myke roared to the top again, but thanks to the vagaries of the Wren rule he can't win two months on the trot so - er - Wren wins this month.
Full list of FPs, NiBs and Left Alerts posted below the leader board and tickers listed in the chat room as usual
Adrian Bamforth
Man on moon latest to be hit by John Lewis redundancies
Al OPecia
Adam and Eve forced to sit god down and explain that he was an accident
antharrison
Tresemme covid-19 vaccine approved by FDA and 85% of 104 women
apepper
Bridge will be finished in time to link independent Scotland with united Ireland
Bobski
Labour plans a Schrodinger’s Brexit policy
Meghan Markle and Queen to settle their differences on Jeremy Kyle show
QAnon conspiracy theory leads to increases in public indecency
UK government lobbies for fly-tipping to become an Olympic sport
Brigg AF
Facebook user racks up 100 “I’ve had covid jab” posts from friends
Hotel guest demolishes free tea and coffee to “break even” on quarantine stay
One Dictation: Trump forms boy band with Kim Jong-un
Chrisf
Bring the fun of an AC12 probe into your work
Man desperate to know how the containers on cargo ships don’t fall into the sea
Witchell bot to be used for all Philip health updates, BBC confirms
DavidH
Adopt Nigel Farage for £3 a month
NHS bracing for first wave of blistered Brits
Remember your face is reversed in a mirror: a handy guide to DIY dentistry
Saturn’s rings onion, confirm NASA
‘When it’s kinder to say nothing’: cards by Priti Patel
Deceangli
House prices in Barnsley ‘through the roof’ after budget
Dominic_mcg
Family concerned after dad forgets to do that fortune cookie joke.
Furloughed worker can’t quite remember what his job is
Filthy Rich
Opinion divided on timing of Sturgeon-Sunak job swap
Shunted Gove celebrates latest ‘negative promotion’
Smart money backs ‘audaciously smoking’ Bristol city centre for Turner Prize
Vaccine revolt as under-50s demand their right to become cyborgs
Gerontius
Harry delighted at beating the Simpsons in ratings
Morgan to host new CBeebies news channel
Pub goers would be required to wear Union Jack underpantssays PM
Surge in demand for tickets after euro winner discovered to have had first vaccination jab
Lockjaw54
All BBC shows to feature an element of cookery
Horsemen of the Apocalypse overstretched, states spokesman
Max Stars
BBC launches Attenborough channel
Psychologists shocked by Rorschach test ‘just ink splodges’ claims
Midfield Diamond
‘Bring a toy to the last day of home-schooling’ greeted with apathy
Toaster designer makes washing machine with ‘no effect whatsoever’ setting
Myke
Bez agrees to be Vice-Chancellor of University of Manchester
Boris enjoys ‘125,000 dead’ popularity bounce
Carrie Symonds decorates no. 10 toilet with unpublished government contracts
Genuine Banksy found hiding up a prisoner’s butt
‘I wanted to play Hamlet but just couldn’t get the parts,’ says plumber
PM shakes hands with rabies patients
Police charge Ikea protestors with an awful assembly
Restrictions on being rude to shop workers to be lifted
Rick Astley started Bristol riot, say police
Sunak offers a free fish with every vaccine
Twitter blocks ‘so excited’ and ‘super-excited’ user accounts
Ugly fat bloke pointing at passport takes UK by storm
UK set to leave Eurovision under WTO terms
nicharper
Dr Seuss books to be made species-neutral
Harrowing tales of junior investment bankers being “treatedlike nurses”
“No mention of viruses in the bible” – Texas governor
Wales to be sold to Russia to pay covid debt
oshaughnessy
Entire fake government found in China
Mars Rover finds alien life form but reverses over it, twice
Nurse wins lottery and promises to blow the entire £3.50 at KFC
Raab sends giant bottle of Vicks to Suez canal to ease congestion
UK border force in turmoil after dancing bear found in quarantine hotel
Oxbridge
Couple who escaped to the country escape back to London
People who say ‘but I turned out all right’ didn’t
What was that noise outside last night? Top 15 answers from your Facebook community page
Paul L
New evidence reveals victim of pigeon sh*t chased pigeons as a child
Sir Lupus
Kate Humble to present Abattoir Live! (and then dead.)
Squudge
Stuck Suez ship to be renamed ‘Boaty McF*ckface’
StanleyMizaru
Inevitable second wave of Royal coverage could overwhelm UK, warns Prof Whitty
Suburban Dad
“Our voice is not being heard”, says thing lobbying group across 140 media sites
SteveB
Dido Harding to replace state education with Sri Lankan kids tutoring online
Man with warm pint of milk seeks woman with stale bowl of Coco Pops
R-rate up, where R is the number of ways the UK government rogers its citizens
Selfish b*stards stockpile all pub table bookings until 2035
TheNewsWalrus
New crime drama ‘Patel and Dick’ to air on ITV
Throngsman
Dido Harding to manage NHS pay review
Titus
Builders of the Earth condemned for failing to clear construction site properly
Titus and SteveB
Bookshop restricts volumes: retailers take a wild punt at in-store requirements
Wrenfoe
Covid applauds Swiss ban on face coverings
Elijah Wood ‘has not aged since 1995′
Judge rules that ‘personal truth’ not quite the same as actual truth
Man finds Pokémon in bed with his wife
Man wants extra credit for not killing anyone
Met police kettle Mothering Sunday picnic
Nurses to be paid in nuclear warheads
Once again Eton career’s day ends with everyone getting tobe PM
Orgreave re-enactment group set to tour
Sauron started with c*ck-rings
Scientists now fear that the Union Jack may become sentient
Woman trapped in WhatsApp group, tunnels to freedom
Your boss wants you back so he can look down your blouse again
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