February 2021 WOTM Final
Defo Myke's month this time, trouncing the opposition. Titus and Gero had a good month too, just not good enough to challenge Myke at full throttle
Adrian Bamforth
Watergate hotel franchise unable to keep up with gate-themed scandals
apepper
Brexit delays import of turd polish
Johnson sets out timetable for U-turns
Trump replaces lawyer with cat
Bonjonelson
Covid vaccine withdrawn after manufacturers forget to put the autism in
Chipchase
Boris: ‘reports of snow chaos greatly exaggerated’
Fake covid vaccine ‘not lovely jubbly’ rule magistrates
Chrisf
All government covid decisions to be based on Matt Damon films, says Hancock
Misuse of the word ‘staycation’ becomes criminal offence
DavidH
EU vaccine retreat forced by Michael Gove’s hippos
Focus on data, not dates, unless the data clashes with Matt Hancock’s holiday
Footballer ordered to go shopping for following covid restrictions
Government commission statue of Matt Hancock to topple
I’ll wait for the vaccine made from Matt Hancock’s tears’, say Brexiteers
Deceangli
All working-class housing to be made of paraffin wax by 2030
Boris’s vaccine shame: none of his chums profited
‘Maverick’ Hancock tell-all interview with Mumsnet
Twitter user stayed silent because he had ‘nothing useful to contribute’
Deskpilot3
Big Pharma warned that silly drug names are affecting public confidence.
Dominic_mcg
Fans furious after news Captain Sir Tom Moore could be played by a woman
Harry kept his royal lanyard, says Palace spokesman
Young woman forgets to post photos of snow on social media
Editor
Senate impeachment trial handed over to Jackie Weaver
Elvis Barnet
Sturgeon: 5-7 year-olds deemed expendable
Filthy Rich
Excitement as Aung San Suu Kyi relaunches home shopping channel
Fans of □□□□□ ‘□□□□□ and □□□□□’ by announcement of □□□□□
Government takes action on climate change by setting fire to Cumbria
Top lines for avoiding joyless valentine’s lockdown sex
Gerontius
10 days in UK Travelodge ‘excessive’ says High Court judge
Dodgy satnav blamed for Stonehenge rock blunder
‘House of Games prizes beginning to get a bit too creepy’warns Ofcom
‘Influencer’ who posted photos of herself comatose in bar criticised by NHS
‘Public might be able to think about holidays once we’ve booked ours’ says Hancock
Tabloids desperate for pretty young blondes to start receiving vaccine
We support Princess Latifa and everyone held captive on Alderaan says Rabb
Jack Reed
‘Festival of Brexit’ replaces Glastonbury
James_doc
GB news to feature ‘two minute hate’
Imperial college study: summer Godzilla attack ‘likely’
Lockjaw54
Harry Windsor to be next James Bond
Melania Trump to be broken up for parts
Population of England already asking Boris ‘are we there yet?’
Max Stars
Imperial Leather product range to be decolonised
Makers of Oral B products insist there are no Oral A products
Study confirms ‘everybody was kung fu fighting’ claim is largely true
Myke
30 mph space probe sends back stunning images of trafficcones
Channel 4 launches great bin art challenge
Cryogenically frozen customer finally gets through to helpline
Excitement grows as John Lewis prepare to broadcast Christmas advert
Exports of wishful thinking down by 68%, say hauliers
Festival of stinking toilets to go ahead
Russian vaccine 92% effective when placed in underpants
‘They’re all as bad as each other!’ genius at bus stop slams plan to teach kids politics
UAE probe successfully docks with dissident’s genitals
University ‘free speech champion’ to be angry blacked-up taxi driver
Newsbiscuit Editorial TeamCovid Research Group not really understanding the word ‘research’
Hancock: care home residents get one visitor – the Grim Reaper
Russell Brand finally uses all of the words – just in onesentence
oshaughnessy
East End virus variant leaves patients with a Cockney accent
Travellers in quarantine hotels forced to attend sales and marketing conferences
Turtles to be charged 10p for plastic bags
WHO announces major virus investigation breakthrough: Wuhan is not in China
Paul L
Ulrika Jonsson ‘still wouldn’t’ with man who says he definitely ‘still would’
Pleaseleavemybubble
Harry and Megan invite sponsorship for baby names
‘Northern know-alls’ to be last cohort vaccinated
Trouser-press design revolutionised by quarantined Spaniard
Sir Lupus
‘Coffee on a bench': Derbyshire police remove all benches from county
StanleyMizaru
New variant of Boris Johnson discovered
SteveB
Emergency services and plasterers count the cost of dad’s making pancakes
Microscope fails to find one morsel of moral fibre in 43 Republican Senators
Steve Blair
Inquiry into ‘unelected power’ of no 10’s Larry the cat demanded by dog group
thisisalloneword
7 things we learned from Prince Harry’s Corden interview
Titus
2nd jab essential, in order to update microchips in 1st jab
Britain to send interplanetary narrowboat to explore Martian canals
Scientists working to develop placebo virus
Vertically Challenged Giant
Geordie considers putting on thicker t-shirt
Wrenfoe
Elon Musk no longer world’s richest person’ –but he’s still pretty rich, right?
Hummingbirds admit to not knowing the words
Report claims Extinction Rebellion infiltrated by environmentalists
Snow day under lockdown a bit ‘samey’
UK terrorism threat level lowered to ‘substantial’ – like a pub meal
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