WOTM December 2020 final
What an end to the year, with A.Mantra winning with 31 points. Dom didn't do too badly, either, coming in second place with 25 points. Wren comes in third place, just pipping Titus.
As usual all the links to FPs, NiBs, and Left Alerts below the leader board and the full list of tickers can be found in the chat room.
A.Mantra
Are you f*cking kidding?’ thinks dog presented with gift-wrapped bone
Definitely don’t have a massive one,’ insists Boris winking and nodding
Don’t blame us for this clusterf*ck, say all fish
Man placing the one present he wrapped under the tree like he’s a superhero
Men persuaded by Love Actually that stalking your mate’s wife is perfectly fine
Naval commander desperate to sink French trawler fleet
‘Scrooge’s redemptive arc a shameful leftist creation,’ insists Rees-Mogg
Vaccinated people already growing fish gills, insists idiot
‘We thought people might have forgotten we’re twats,’ say backpackers
Woman finishes sending Christmas cards to every name in old address book
Woman using ‘super’ as a prefix for everything is ‘super-dead’ inside
apepper
God admits he’s just dicking with Johnson
Supermarkets to introduce virtual food for no-deal Brexit
Trump announces intention to claim victory in 2024 US election
Benvoleo
Brexit deal wins that freed us from the EU: digested, so you don’t see it’s shit
Brexiteers carefully celebrating GB independence, not the end of UK independence
Doing what was ‘talking Britain down’ is a win or else ‘you’re talking Britain down’
ChrisF
Man stuck in ‘quiet one/larging it’ exchange with neighbour
Dan.F
Gourmet chef presents hungry nation with charred remains of oven ready meal
Jesus curses misfortune to be born on Christmas Day
Millwall fans shocked as football match breaks out at fascist rally
DavidH
Cher rescues Competition and Markets Authority
Government restricts brussels sprouts to tier 1
Tickets for Rita Ora live at Barnard Castle sell out in minutes
Deceangli
Cabinet terrified of getting Priti Patel in secret Santa.
Laurence Fox to retrain as an actor
Laurence Fox to retrain as an actor
Des Custard
Fights break out as lorry queue reaches tier 2
Doctor Chutney
‘At risk’ Santa admits dumping millions of kids’ letters
Children no longer believe in Father Brexit
Grave crisis as young buyers unable to get on the burial ladder
Scotch egg recognised as universal gold standard qualification
VR headset offers cramped viewing and violence for nostalgic football fans
Dominic_mcg
Brexit deal still allows children to fish in rock pools at the seaside
Government to improve daily corona briefing with sleigh bells
Parents devastated after toddler prefers Christmas presents to wrapping paper
Woman ecstatic as Facebook game tells her she’s smarter than Einstein
DrTurmoil
Parents urge Santa for official statement on ‘crisis in global supply chains’
Gerontius
Fate of drunken sailor ‘still in the balance’ say NPO
harrypalmer
Chris Rea seeks urgent clarification on Christmas travel restrictions
Christmas Day covid briefing to be presented by Matt Hancock and Michael McIntyre
Magnanimous remainer accepts full blame for disastrousno-deal brexit
Sainsbury’s unveil new 2-metre long covid-safe Christmas cracker
Ironduke
Brexiteer demands full English Breaksit
James_doc
Manston airport to feature on “Four in a Bed”
Maxine Jones
While many have rebelled, the following people have bowed to tier pressure
Max Stars
Top covid tier to be called premiership or ‘old division one’
William Shakespeare vaccine patient ‘probably an imposter’
Midfield Diamond
Referees delighted at return of fans after ‘missing abuse’
Milo Shame
Brexit deadline to clash with cabinet zoom Christmas party
Newsbiscuit Editorial Team
Johnson appoints Vicky Pollard to end confusion over Christmas gatherings
The ghost of Christmas furniture reminds you to put up shelves
‘This year my Christmas lunch will be double entendre free’ insists Nigella
oshaughnessy
Boris has a visit from the ghost of Christmas chaos
Northern lights scam exposed as a tw$t going mental with a torch in Salford
Oxbridge
Jammy bastard animals hibernating
Paul L
Christmas dinner in support bubble likened to ‘disappointing threesome’
Sarah Tipper
Everyone finally gets the New Year’s Eve they secretly wanted
SimoneCleal
Her Majesty set to fuc*ing lose it in Queen’s Speech
Man backs himself to shop without bag, instantly regrets it
Man travels thousands of miles to eat at ‘Best Kebab’, left furious
Missing girl found attempting to turn on friends new shower
Sir Lupus
Transition from Trump to Biden finally accepted by satirists
Vaccine not being made in the UK because “we’re a much better country”
SteveB
Closure of Burton leaves gaping hole in the wear-once court appearance market
No animal was harmed in the making of this film
steve_l
Snow conditions in Verbier were no good, Cummings explains
Tamoshanter
Johnson lauds “new covid variant exports”
TheNewsWalrus
Priti Patel sets up Etsy store selling knuckle dusters
Throngsman
Boris pledges to break ‘world-beating’ New Year pledges
Boy scouts to be trained to administer vaccine
Titus
If trump ‘won’ can he run again in 2024?
Public parks fill with frisky, freshly-released vaccinated octogenarians
Vertically Challenged Giant
Vaccine rollout delayed after DHL throw first batch over gate
Walter Eagle
Driver doomed forever on the slip road to hell
Shock result from Euro Champions final as both sides lose
Wrenfoe
Army to bravely assist schools – from a great distance
Beavers building Exmoor dam heralds return of the White Witch
Buy our book – and save a kitten
Man finds God through Christmas poo
Man loses soul after failing to read minutes of last meeting
Multi-millionaire footballers are all Marxists
Obama, Bush & Clinton to be injected on TV – but is the death penalty too much?
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