WOTM October 2020 mid month

Thanks to some dodgy accounting I appear to have cheated my way to the top of the  leaderboard, but Mirthless and Myke are hot on my tail so I'd better watch out!



Adrian Bamforth 

Crisis deepens as Trump tests positive for karma

apepper 

Chaos as Trump’s hair taken to different hospital

Fans of Dr Kevorkian ready to ensure Trump never transmits covid again.

Relief sweeps world as billionaires fortunes reach record high

Chipchase 

Fears grow for fly’s health after it lands on Mike Pence’s head

Trump: ‘so I got (gasp) covid? No way (wheeze) just fake nooze (hacking cough)’

Waitrose extend “autumn leaves” range to include dog poo and chewing gum

Wind from Johnson’s arse will power every home in the UK

DavidH 

Barnard Castle and seven other places northerners will go to large it up

Deceangli

Human colony on Mars ‘still cheaper than London’

New virus rules to be based on Mornington Crescent

Dominic_mcg 

Braille porn discovered in textured kitchen rolls

Dancing On Ice may be about to sign up someone famous

Editor 

Infectious car ride damages Trump’s Uber rating

Technical error caused omission of 16000 Boris babies

Filthy Rich 

Consternation as Raab almost, possibly, hints at finding some morals

‘Stop dicking about in my tent’ pleads neighbour from beyond the grave

Tories’ attempt to turn ‘virtual’ London Marathon to their advantage

FloraJardine 

Canada aims to win the international Apology Olympic

Gerontius 

Next covid press briefing ‘to be carried out suspended from zip wire’ reveal No 10

Ian Searle 

Delay of new Bond film throws 2024 Christmas schedules into complete disarray

Milo Shame 

Man survives feral film critics attack

Mirthless Evil C 

Trump the musical; “Don’t Cry For My Strange Patina”

Myke 

PM tells northerners’ no more than six to a bed and do not share clogs’

Your simple guide to the three commonsensical tiers

Newsbiscuit Editorial Team 

Spurs thought they’d signed top knot Bale but accidentally get man bun Donaldo

nickb 

Trump ‘to continue as President after death’ confirms White House

oshaughnessy 

National Fiasco memorial built in the wrong place

Sydalg 

Living one day as lion not all it’s cracked up to be, says lion

Man pretends he has driverless car by camouflaging himself

Theboyinthebubble 

Gamers rate NHS Track and Trace a viral hit

TheNewsWalrus 

Dame Judi Dench retrains as scaffolder

Tiers of a clown (sing a long version)

Throngsman 

God stops believing in Himself

Government blame Track and Trace failure on Microsoft Clippy

Quantum theory ‘screwed’ as cat emerges wiping cyanide from its whiskers

Second Presidential Debate to take place in the schoolyard

Snowdon climber admits he ‘probably didn’t need a deep sea suit’

‘World beating Track and Trace’ now available in the App Store

Titus 

Academics accept that ‘110%’ now means ‘almost all’ of something

‘Man in the pub’ to lead new political party

Wrenfoe

Concern that Trump may have kissed Biden during debates

Correction; UK health app will be ‘egg’ beating, not ‘world beating’

Conspiracy against QAnon fuels conspiracy theory

Robot invasion thwarted by captcha


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