September 2020 Writer of the Month competition mid month

There's a ding dong battle at the top of the leaderboard, with Wren, Big O and SteveB slugging it out, with Dece, Mirthless and the current title holder all tying for a joint fourth position.  Should be interesting.




A.Mantra 

Seven mums who meet up on Monday waiting to discover who is the least popular

apepper 

Property boom as parents rush to move house while children are at school

Chipchase 

Shapps swaps three-point turn for U-turn in revamped driving test

Deceangli 

America’s population ‘too small’ to sustain high-quality presidential candidates

Bloke who agreed with Boris in the pub to become minister

Positive discrimination introduced for right-wing comedians

‘Some Mothers Do ‘ave ‘em’ criticised for anti-Tory bias

Widespread use of ‘do not resuscitate’ notices welcomed by the Shipman Society

Filthy Rich 

A&E admissions plummet following removal of the number ‘1’ from phone keypads

Diary extracts confirm Navalny poisoning suspects simply tea-loving tourists

Matt ‘Gollum’ Hancock bans Hobbits from besmirching his precious testses

‘Think’ Tank’s bold bid to create new jobs by donating hours from existing jobs

Uproar as King Boris reneges on Magna Carta

Welcome to your chaperoned future

FlashArry 

Government to introduce new quarantine randomiser

Milo Shame 

Covid infected kids can’t smell substitute teacher’s fear

Myke 

Privatised rescue service will offer special deals to drowning customers

Social gatherings restricted to one butt cheek or one elbow

Newsbiscuit Editorial Team 

Senior government lawyers consider if super injunctions can be broken in a ‘limited and specific way’

oshaughnessy 

BBC thought police order all staff to stop thinking nasty things about Boris

Madonna sues Leicester garment workers for constantly playing ‘Material Girl’

National Portrait Gallery turns all paintings to face the wall to combat virus

Stop thinking nasty things about Boris, BBC staff told

Squudge 

Mrs Johnson’s Boys to be BBC new comedy for 2020

SteveB 

New game show coming in your face called ‘how brazenly can we get away with shit?’

workers saving £££s working from home tell Boris to stick it up his ar$e

Plate is full, say sausages, as breakfastxit tensions explode

Suburban Dad 

God tries again with ‘hurricane fuck off Donald’

TheNewsWalrus 

British public to blame for ‘just about everything’

Mark Francois launches ‘Short Lives Matter’ campaign

Premier League to become giant game of table football

Trump reworks the Ten Commandments

Throngsman 

Covid restrictions to form backbone of next year’s A level maths paper

Vertically Challenged Giant 

NATO allies agree to tut and shake heads at Russia

Plane crashing into the ground ‘would still be a good outcome’, insists Boris

The Apprentice 2020 cancelled due to shortage of massive bellends

Walter Eagle 

Man unilaterally tears up agreement with HMRC

Wrenfoe 

Boris to split up with his new girlfriend before they even start dating

Groups of thirty illegal, unless you work in a school, casino or swinger’s party

Matt Hancock to promote Track & Trace through Friends Reunited

Post-coital cuddle goes on 30 seconds too long

Tony Abbott fails FA’s ‘fit and proper test’


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