August 2020 WOTM final
TheNewsWalrus has romped home this month, beating Mirthless by a significant margin. The Big O has pulled up joint third with SteveB. A really good competition this month, well done all. All the links to the subs, as usual, are below and the tickers (145 of them) can be found in the chat room.
apepper
Chrisf
Colton
Deceangli
Jizz-filled tissue appointed to House of Lords
PMQs to become annual event so Boris can spend more time in his fridge
Schools urged to open up in August for pretty girls with A Level results
Tea or coffee? Government guidance to be provided
Trump: when I pronounced it ‘Thighland’ I meant my new theme park
‘Trump’ season finale set to be explosive
White House searching for orange mountain range for Trump face carving
Deimos
Boris Johnson commits to using dictionary to look up “world beating”
Filthy Rich
Covid hit Australia reverses transportation to mother country
Government finally addresses failings by sacking those not responsible for them
Man furious to discover he’s paying for ‘eat out to help out’
Man ignores garden for 3 days, discovers primitive tribe living in shrubbery
Man suspicious woman returning from extended lockdown is ‘not real wife’
Match the w4nker to the new personalised numberplates
Praise for ‘subtle, proportionate’ met response to non-existent black crimewave
Suspicions grow over Irish pubs agreeing to remain closed a little too readily
Trump writhes onto convention stage as K-Pop’s ‘most bigly viraliest’ superstar
Whitty: missing out on finger-painting worse for children than deadly virus
Gerontius
KKK to suspend burning of crosses during coronavirus pandemic
Premier League directors meet to decide number of penalties awarded to Man Utd
Filthy Rich
Covid hit Australia reverses transportation to mother country
Government finally addresses failings by sacking those not responsible for them
Man furious to discover he’s paying for ‘eat out to help out’
Man ignores garden for 3 days, discovers primitive tribe living in shrubbery
Man suspicious woman returning from extended lockdown is ‘not real wife’
Match the w4nker to the new personalised numberplates
Praise for ‘subtle, proportionate’ met response to non-existent black crimewave
Suspicions grow over Irish pubs agreeing to remain closed a little too readily
Trump writhes onto convention stage as K-Pop’s ‘most bigly viraliest’ superstar
Whitty: missing out on finger-painting worse for children than deadly virus
Gerontius
KKK to suspend burning of crosses during coronavirus pandemic
Premier League directors meet to decide number of penalties awarded to Man Utd
Ian Searle
ItsMeJack
James_doc
John Roughty
kuelie
mrkerryt
Newsbiscuit Editorial Team
Lebanon government seen as ‘not corrupt enough’ to supply UK PPE
Nation ‘nervous’ as Graying appointed to oversee plans for driverless cars
We need to stop Russia interfering with our interference, says MI6
Nickb
Gavin Williamson to undergo widespread reassessment
Massage, funeral, ice cream parlours to merge to clarify new virus rules
Not Amused
Nation ‘nervous’ as Graying appointed to oversee plans for driverless cars
We need to stop Russia interfering with our interference, says MI6
Nickb
Gavin Williamson to undergo widespread reassessment
Massage, funeral, ice cream parlours to merge to clarify new virus rules
Not Amused
Ofqual to take over covid-19 testing
oshaughnessy
Downing St recruits Wiley and Katie Hopkins to host new press briefing show
Government to relocate ‘the spot’ after repeated fiascoes keep putting Boris on it
Prince Philip looking forward to annual scouse shoot on the glorious 12th
Rare pair of Gandhi’s glasses smashed after going under the hammer
Scientists solve family lockdown squabbles using Einstein’s theory of relatives
Twitter finally bans Hitler after 80 years of racist tweet
PaulD
Putin given peerage
Rootin Tootin
oshaughnessy
Downing St recruits Wiley and Katie Hopkins to host new press briefing show
Government to relocate ‘the spot’ after repeated fiascoes keep putting Boris on it
Prince Philip looking forward to annual scouse shoot on the glorious 12th
Rare pair of Gandhi’s glasses smashed after going under the hammer
Scientists solve family lockdown squabbles using Einstein’s theory of relatives
Twitter finally bans Hitler after 80 years of racist tweet
PaulD
Putin given peerage
Rootin Tootin
Sarah Tipper
Blackberrying and looking in skips, this summer’s top crazes
Boris Johnson expected to make new pencil case decision this week
Small talkers ready for spate of conversations about the nights drawing in
SimoneCleal
Boris Johnson expected to make new pencil case decision this week
Small talkers ready for spate of conversations about the nights drawing in
SimoneCleal
Berlin makes gimp masks compulsory
‘We’ve missed you’ says mainstream chain that just wants your money
Sinnick
‘We’ve missed you’ says mainstream chain that just wants your money
Sinnick
Signs you are in a disaster movie
Summer holiday cabinet coach trip plunges over cliff
Sydalg
Charles hopeful as Queen closes LinkedIn account
Suspicious man spotted not performing sex act at dogging site
theboyinthebubble
Summer holiday cabinet coach trip plunges over cliff
Sydalg
Charles hopeful as Queen closes LinkedIn account
Suspicious man spotted not performing sex act at dogging site
theboyinthebubble
New X-Men character revealed: the Mutant Algo Rhythm
TheNewsWalrus
Andrew Neil to represent the UK at Eurovision 2021
Brexit Party to patrol English Channel in armoured pedalos
Hipster hits out at face masks after choking on own beard
Last non corrupt member of Trump administration finally arrested
Lockdown boxsets
Man who never watches the Proms to boycott the Proms
Nicola Sturgeon ‘sorry’ for displaying competence
Noam Chomsky to host new series of Total Wipeout
NRA completes first successful poetry recital
Patel deploys navy to address swimming pool crisis
TV football to be enhanced with home delivery racism
Throngsman
TheNewsWalrus
Andrew Neil to represent the UK at Eurovision 2021
Brexit Party to patrol English Channel in armoured pedalos
Hipster hits out at face masks after choking on own beard
Last non corrupt member of Trump administration finally arrested
Lockdown boxsets
Man who never watches the Proms to boycott the Proms
Nicola Sturgeon ‘sorry’ for displaying competence
Noam Chomsky to host new series of Total Wipeout
NRA completes first successful poetry recital
Patel deploys navy to address swimming pool crisis
TV football to be enhanced with home delivery racism
Throngsman
Shock and amazement as Britain enters recession
Vertically Challenged Giant
10 excuses more convincing than blaming a “mutant algorithm”
Bank robbers struggling to be taken seriously with all customers wearing masks
“Nothing to do with me, I was on holiday” says Boris
Schools to serve pints
Wrenfoe
Argos catalogue to replaced with ‘Boris’ catalogue of errors’
Elon Musk hacks pig’s brain to find out if they really are happy in sh$t
No one left to poison in Russia
Scottish 70% less likely to want covid-19 than the English
Spread of Stacey Dooley surpasses covid-19
Tragedy as man on Spanish holiday ‘certain to fall from hotel balcony’ next week
Vertically Challenged Giant
10 excuses more convincing than blaming a “mutant algorithm”
Bank robbers struggling to be taken seriously with all customers wearing masks
“Nothing to do with me, I was on holiday” says Boris
Schools to serve pints
Wrenfoe
Argos catalogue to replaced with ‘Boris’ catalogue of errors’
Elon Musk hacks pig’s brain to find out if they really are happy in sh$t
No one left to poison in Russia
Scottish 70% less likely to want covid-19 than the English
Spread of Stacey Dooley surpasses covid-19
Tragedy as man on Spanish holiday ‘certain to fall from hotel balcony’ next week
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