Well, the Big O wins again, but thanks to the Wren rule SteveB takes the crown this month. As normal all the tickers will be posted in the Chat room and links to all the subs are below the leader board.
A.Mantra
Chris Grayling excited he will soon get to send James Bond on missions
Antharrison
Arsehole who drinks 16 pints and hugs in pub is still washing his groceries
apepper
Covid-19 will blink first, Johnson promises
Bravenewmalden
Man who ‘never watches the BBC’ outraged over Neil sacking
Nurse honoured for 30 years of speaking in first person plural
Chipchase
Fears grow for ‘missing in action’ Rees-Mogg
Glimmer of hope emerges for UK following report Boris Johnson tied own shoelaces
DavidH
Dyson to build more efficient Prime Minister
Queen invites Happy Mondays to rescue Prince Harry
Deceangli
Dogging sites to re-open in England
Dominic Cummings builds clone army – of himself
Fat Tony to sue mafia over ‘hurtful’ nickname
Those new planning permission rules explained
Deimos
Government clarifies that Michael Green does not need to quarantine
Dick Everyman
Odds against winning on Gala Bingo greater than catching coronavirus
Filthy Rich
Bladerunners poised to ‘retire’ infected farmworker replicants, public assured
Boris unveils ‘mask up and shut up’- then hastily veils upagain
‘Brutalist’ West Midlands builders surprise choice to rebuild Notre Dame
Chris Grayling’s week of shit: ‘nailed it, pretty much’
Cummings’ fury as air-miles Stanley checkmates his virus-spewing mini-break
Government vows to keep whipping radicalised ‘traitor’ pony
‘No tournament? No problem!’ your guide to be being a lockdown Wimbledon w*nker
Primark on brink of collapse due to sheer tonnage of lockdown bloater returns
Rishi Sunak announces ‘chip in to breathe in’ vouchers
To commute, or not to commute?
Gerontius
Food banks forced to close following government ‘eat out’ voucher scheme
Food banks forced to close following government ‘eat out’ voucher scheme
Rules surrounding eating out while riding a bicycle to be relaxed
Trump fails to check face mask before putting it on
harrypalmer
Homeowners to receive £5k if they pretend Tories have done a good job with covid-19
Madison
Trump says he won’t wear pants in spite of CDC warning
Micca
Oven ready turkey unlikely to be done by Christmas. More soon
Midfield Diamond
Cyclists demand the right to weave erratically through traffic
TV football soundtrack options to include Gary Neville on or off
Mirthless Evil C
BBC launch “David Starkey takes a knee”
Cabinet ordered to accept average 40% cuts in their names, or a new nickname
Dickensian Tory West End show ready for Christmas
Hansard contract won by IMDb
nickb
Bananas, avocados go head to head in fruit bowl ripening challenge
New fright mask combines maximum horror and virus safety.
Wearing pants in shops to be compulsory ‘in days’
oshaughnessy
Britney Spears changing ‘racist’ name to Britney Pointy Sticks
Care homes to blame for the gunpowder plot, WW2 and John lLnnon leaving Cynthia
Climate emergency declared after Greta Thunberg’s freezer breaks down
Hidden satanic messages found in Boris’ press briefings when played backwards
NFL team the Alabama KKK Nazi Motherf@*ers admit name might be problematic
Police injured while breaking up rioting book borrowers in library-ageddon
Russia admits interference in voting for Strictly, Masked Singer and Bake-Off
Schoolchildren risk being tasered if not back behind their desks in September
Track & Trace a complete failure after only finding Lord Lucan and Red October
Trump outraged over scientists claim that the Bible may contain fake news.
Trump’s niece makes startling new claim that her uncle is a drag queen
Oxbridge
Arse on that looked at
A poem for Super Saturday, with apologies to Dorothy Parker
PaulD
Hancock orders the body of Richard 3rd to be tested for covid 19
Johnson to use wheelchair to promote ‘New Deal’ definitely not because of recent press-up mishap
Skylarking
Cowes man looking forward to not going to gym again
Sir Lupus
Jeff Bezos ‘tired but happy’ after putting in hardest day’s work in history
SteveB
2009 Labour ‘future jobs fund’ scheme crayoned over with Rishi’s kickstart skeem
Conservative MP expelled from party for accidentally acting with integrity
Suburbandad
Self-regulating porn industry urges users to “wank responsibly”
Sydalg
79-year-old rock star attributes longevity to drugs, late nights, groupies
British Library lets visitors edit books ‘to keep up with Wikipedia’
Employees who murder their boss ‘more likely to be promoted’
Huge applause as Britain’s porn stars go back to work
Vinyl record fan now branching out into pre-internet porn
Theboyinthebubble
Oh this year I’m not off to sunny Spain!
We’re going on a bar hunt
TheNewsWalrus
Chris Grayling confirmed as twitter hack mastermind
Smallpox announces comeback world tour
ThomasWykes
Nation’s bodybuilders to resume having personality as gyms open
Throngsman
Couple who booked a holiday of a lifetime in Leicester still waiting for refund
Man returns Galaxy S20 in record 24 hours
Vertically Challenged Giant
Trump buys most of world’s sand supply to bury head in
UK recovery to be based predominantly on bullshit
VickyRichards
Scientists report record-breaking seven people now wearing masks correctly
A.Mantra
Chris Grayling excited he will soon get to send James Bond on missions
Antharrison
Arsehole who drinks 16 pints and hugs in pub is still washing his groceries
apepper
Covid-19 will blink first, Johnson promises
Bravenewmalden
Man who ‘never watches the BBC’ outraged over Neil sacking
Nurse honoured for 30 years of speaking in first person plural
Chipchase
Fears grow for ‘missing in action’ Rees-Mogg
Glimmer of hope emerges for UK following report Boris Johnson tied own shoelaces
DavidH
Dyson to build more efficient Prime Minister
Queen invites Happy Mondays to rescue Prince Harry
Deceangli
Dogging sites to re-open in England
Dominic Cummings builds clone army – of himself
Fat Tony to sue mafia over ‘hurtful’ nickname
Those new planning permission rules explained
Deimos
Government clarifies that Michael Green does not need to quarantine
Dick Everyman
Odds against winning on Gala Bingo greater than catching coronavirus
Filthy Rich
Bladerunners poised to ‘retire’ infected farmworker replicants, public assured
Boris unveils ‘mask up and shut up’- then hastily veils upagain
‘Brutalist’ West Midlands builders surprise choice to rebuild Notre Dame
Chris Grayling’s week of shit: ‘nailed it, pretty much’
Cummings’ fury as air-miles Stanley checkmates his virus-spewing mini-break
Government vows to keep whipping radicalised ‘traitor’ pony
‘No tournament? No problem!’ your guide to be being a lockdown Wimbledon w*nker
Primark on brink of collapse due to sheer tonnage of lockdown bloater returns
Rishi Sunak announces ‘chip in to breathe in’ vouchers
To commute, or not to commute?
Gerontius
Food banks forced to close following government ‘eat out’ voucher scheme
Food banks forced to close following government ‘eat out’ voucher scheme
Rules surrounding eating out while riding a bicycle to be relaxed
Trump fails to check face mask before putting it on
harrypalmer
Homeowners to receive £5k if they pretend Tories have done a good job with covid-19
Madison
Trump says he won’t wear pants in spite of CDC warning
Micca
Oven ready turkey unlikely to be done by Christmas. More soon
Midfield Diamond
Cyclists demand the right to weave erratically through traffic
TV football soundtrack options to include Gary Neville on or off
Mirthless Evil C
BBC launch “David Starkey takes a knee”
Cabinet ordered to accept average 40% cuts in their names, or a new nickname
Dickensian Tory West End show ready for Christmas
Hansard contract won by IMDb
nickb
Bananas, avocados go head to head in fruit bowl ripening challenge
New fright mask combines maximum horror and virus safety.
Wearing pants in shops to be compulsory ‘in days’
oshaughnessy
Britney Spears changing ‘racist’ name to Britney Pointy Sticks
Care homes to blame for the gunpowder plot, WW2 and John lLnnon leaving Cynthia
Climate emergency declared after Greta Thunberg’s freezer breaks down
Hidden satanic messages found in Boris’ press briefings when played backwards
NFL team the Alabama KKK Nazi Motherf@*ers admit name might be problematic
Police injured while breaking up rioting book borrowers in library-ageddon
Russia admits interference in voting for Strictly, Masked Singer and Bake-Off
Schoolchildren risk being tasered if not back behind their desks in September
Track & Trace a complete failure after only finding Lord Lucan and Red October
Trump outraged over scientists claim that the Bible may contain fake news.
Trump’s niece makes startling new claim that her uncle is a drag queen
Oxbridge
Arse on that looked at
A poem for Super Saturday, with apologies to Dorothy Parker
PaulD
Hancock orders the body of Richard 3rd to be tested for covid 19
Johnson to use wheelchair to promote ‘New Deal’ definitely not because of recent press-up mishap
Skylarking
Cowes man looking forward to not going to gym again
Sir Lupus
Jeff Bezos ‘tired but happy’ after putting in hardest day’s work in history
SteveB
2009 Labour ‘future jobs fund’ scheme crayoned over with Rishi’s kickstart skeem
Conservative MP expelled from party for accidentally acting with integrity
Suburbandad
Self-regulating porn industry urges users to “wank responsibly”
Sydalg
79-year-old rock star attributes longevity to drugs, late nights, groupies
British Library lets visitors edit books ‘to keep up with Wikipedia’
Employees who murder their boss ‘more likely to be promoted’
Huge applause as Britain’s porn stars go back to work
Vinyl record fan now branching out into pre-internet porn
Theboyinthebubble
Oh this year I’m not off to sunny Spain!
We’re going on a bar hunt
TheNewsWalrus
Chris Grayling confirmed as twitter hack mastermind
Smallpox announces comeback world tour
ThomasWykes
Nation’s bodybuilders to resume having personality as gyms open
Throngsman
Couple who booked a holiday of a lifetime in Leicester still waiting for refund
Man returns Galaxy S20 in record 24 hours
Vertically Challenged Giant
Trump buys most of world’s sand supply to bury head in
UK recovery to be based predominantly on bullshit
VickyRichards
Scientists report record-breaking seven people now wearing masks correctly
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