WOTM June 2020 Final
What a month! NB is literally bouncing with great subs, writers and ideas at the moment. We've had a raft of new writers come in and hit the ground running - welcome to all of you, while the less new writers have stepped up to the challenge too. Here's some stats before I go into who hit the top spot:
Sixteen Left Alerts! Many were collaborative and as normal I follow the editors' lead and apply points as they direct.
Over 200 tickers! That is a record as far as I can recall. That keeps the site current and fresh, fantastic work everybody.
Nearly 70 NiBs! The site 'standard' is two on a weekday, one on a Saturday and one on a Sunday. Thirty day month with four weekends should produce 52 Nibs, but there has been so much activity the editors have doubled up on days. Fantastic.
Anyway, by rights SteveB should be WOTM, but Wren's Rule strikes again and it is the Big O who takes the crown again with 46 points. Steve's 56 is probably the highest score I've seen since starting this competition and his 40 tickers are a big reason for that. oshaughnessy has proven he's a polymath in the gag world and deserves the virtual mug. VCG, who I thought was in for the crown a week ago, comes in a creditable third.
As usual - and I'm aware we will have fresh eyes on this, this month - links to all the FPs, NiBs and LAs below the leaderboard. Tickers are listed in the chat room under the leader board.
Apologies for the quality of the leaderboard - Google have 'updated' Blogger this month and it seems to handle images differently. I'll try to improve the quality for next month's competition.
Adrian Bamforth
Contract-tracing app to use girl with fleas system
JK Rowling accused of being ‘mudblood-phobic’ in ‘wizard’ tweet
antharrison
Bargain Hunt participants only lose £67,000
New pop group ‘Chris Whitty and the Croakers’ deny ‘cashing-in’
Camz
Thousands gather to record chants for use in behind closed doors games
Chipchase
Man claims lockdown and social distancing are “erosion of liberty”
Chrisf
Covid-19 is a ‘scaredy-cat’ running to its mummy for help, claims Hancock
chrisf, ron cawleyoni, SteveB, Max Stars, SimonJJames, Sir Lupus, Oxbridge, oshaughnessy, titus, Al Opecia, DavidH, Midfield Diamond.
And they’re off….Newsbiscuit’s guide to the restart of horse racing
CulchaVulcha
Monty Don denies damaging ‘new trousers’ rumour
DavidH
Churches to open despite two-metre distancing from Jesus
‘Dominic’s day out’ festivals at Nightingale hospitals will protect police
Deceangli
EDL to topple William Wilberforce statue ‘for balance’
Escalator killer says he only does it to piss off the CSI
JK Rowling writes “Harry Potter & the Shower Rape” following Radcliffe criticism
New cop double act: BJ and Cumbo
PR spin ‘relatively ineffective’ against lethal viruses, apparently
Trump fails Turing test
Vegan friends ‘not worth it’ say experts
Woman’s hairdo enters third day of negotiations
Dick Everyman
Ministers pleased as Boris Johnson’s encryption implant continues to function
Protesters perplexed by Henry Moore’s reclining figures
Suntan oil slick threatens south coast
Filthy Rich
Cummings: Boris’ prang proves I’m better at steering the country
Fans bereft after ‘classic’ 1st season finale of ‘Downing Street Daily Briefing’
Police confirm free-roaming pensioners ‘ongoing menace to society’
Pubs demand to open immediately as ‘non-essential retailers’
Your eye-spy guide to the pageant of masked misfitery on public transport
Filthy Rich, SteveB, oshaughnessy
Adrian Bamforth
Contract-tracing app to use girl with fleas system
JK Rowling accused of being ‘mudblood-phobic’ in ‘wizard’ tweet
antharrison
Bargain Hunt participants only lose £67,000
New pop group ‘Chris Whitty and the Croakers’ deny ‘cashing-in’
Camz
Thousands gather to record chants for use in behind closed doors games
Chipchase
Man claims lockdown and social distancing are “erosion of liberty”
Chrisf
Covid-19 is a ‘scaredy-cat’ running to its mummy for help, claims Hancock
chrisf, ron cawleyoni, SteveB, Max Stars, SimonJJames, Sir Lupus, Oxbridge, oshaughnessy, titus, Al Opecia, DavidH, Midfield Diamond.
And they’re off….Newsbiscuit’s guide to the restart of horse racing
CulchaVulcha
Monty Don denies damaging ‘new trousers’ rumour
DavidH
Churches to open despite two-metre distancing from Jesus
‘Dominic’s day out’ festivals at Nightingale hospitals will protect police
Deceangli
EDL to topple William Wilberforce statue ‘for balance’
Escalator killer says he only does it to piss off the CSI
JK Rowling writes “Harry Potter & the Shower Rape” following Radcliffe criticism
New cop double act: BJ and Cumbo
PR spin ‘relatively ineffective’ against lethal viruses, apparently
Trump fails Turing test
Vegan friends ‘not worth it’ say experts
Woman’s hairdo enters third day of negotiations
Dick Everyman
Ministers pleased as Boris Johnson’s encryption implant continues to function
Protesters perplexed by Henry Moore’s reclining figures
Suntan oil slick threatens south coast
Filthy Rich
Cummings: Boris’ prang proves I’m better at steering the country
Fans bereft after ‘classic’ 1st season finale of ‘Downing Street Daily Briefing’
Police confirm free-roaming pensioners ‘ongoing menace to society’
Pubs demand to open immediately as ‘non-essential retailers’
Your eye-spy guide to the pageant of masked misfitery on public transport
Filthy Rich, SteveB, oshaughnessy
Children’s book market salvaged with virally updated titles
Gerontius
Every future press release to include words backed by Govt funding
Make-up department ‘working flat out’ preparing Huw Edwards say BBC
MPs to wear face masks when submitting expenses claim – swag bag is optional
Queen joins ‘black lives matter’ protest with early morning horse ride
UK waits for CEOs to queue in high streets in effort to save economy
Hungry Joe
To celebrate pubs reopening, Wetherspoons launch ‘breakfast beer’…
Twitchers rubbish Vera Lynn’s bluebird ‘sighting’
KGA6
Trump declares war on ANTIFA and the Grenadiers
Woman cautioned over offensive Boris Johnson t-shirt
Midfield Diamond
IT sociopaths thoroughly enjoying lockdown
Newsbiscuit Editorial Team
Grenfell? What’s that?
White privilege is changing the TV scheduling and thinking you solved racism
nickb
Boris’s hopes his F number might rise are dashed
Internet ‘nearly full’ – thousands donate SD cards, thumb drives.
Thousands gather to record chants for use in behind closed doors games
Oshaughnessy
Archaeologists in Pompeii say lockdown message was confusing and unclear
Boris understands black people and asks them to pop over and smoke some weed
Cinema-goers happy to sit in front of morons stuffing their faces for 2 hours
Dominic Raab thought Juneteenth was a singer in Little Mix
Man told to return to work despite losing ability to iron his own shirt
People don’t spit out their coffee over social media posts confirms report
SAGE to replace two-metre physical distancing advice with ‘wiggle room’
Watchdog investigates del boy over price of Peckham spring hand sanitiser
Oxbridge
Social distancing in schools ‘impractical’, warn bullies
PaulD
Fears Johnson now receiving advice from a sprig of sage
Liam Neeson to become government’s new track and trace system
ron cawleyoni, oshaughnessy, Filthy Rich, SteveB
Seventies tv comedy and quiz shows arrive in 21st century covid-19 era with a bang!
Sarah Tipper
Bluebird has something in his eye over the white cliffs of dover
Zoo animals cheered by return of visiting humans
SimonJJames
Big Bread brutally stamping down on local breadmakers
Charity shops brace for deluge of all sort of random, useless shite
London’s burglars outline strict back to work measures
Nation begins slow recovery from prolonged exposure to own children
New director general to impartially accelerate and decelerate change at BBC
PM Johnson disappointed not to get a go on his riot water cannons
The Premier League is back! How have the teams been spending their lockdowns?
Sir Lupus
Bus companies warn of timetable chaos if passengers return
SteveB
Return of football tarnished by lack of ‘referee’s a wanker’ chanting
Trade deal win-win: US pharma gets NHS access, the UK gets to give it
ThomasWykes
9 in 10 victims of police brutality have underlying conditions, argue officials
2020 news – this just in: everything.
David Walliams apologises for blackface on Britains Got Talent
Outrage as Boris Johnson spends only £9 of taxpayer money on haircut
Scuba divers hold anti-mask protest
WWE decides Ric Flair old enough to be told wrestling not real
Throngsman
Government encourages semaphore to signal CV-19 tracing
‘So I slept in a swimming pool, so what?’ says Cummings
Test and Trace team ‘disappointed’ at Alok Sharma diagnosis
Three little pigs planning permission rejected
Gerontius
Every future press release to include words backed by Govt funding
Make-up department ‘working flat out’ preparing Huw Edwards say BBC
MPs to wear face masks when submitting expenses claim – swag bag is optional
Queen joins ‘black lives matter’ protest with early morning horse ride
UK waits for CEOs to queue in high streets in effort to save economy
Hungry Joe
To celebrate pubs reopening, Wetherspoons launch ‘breakfast beer’…
Twitchers rubbish Vera Lynn’s bluebird ‘sighting’
KGA6
Trump declares war on ANTIFA and the Grenadiers
Woman cautioned over offensive Boris Johnson t-shirt
Midfield Diamond
IT sociopaths thoroughly enjoying lockdown
Newsbiscuit Editorial Team
Grenfell? What’s that?
White privilege is changing the TV scheduling and thinking you solved racism
nickb
Boris’s hopes his F number might rise are dashed
Internet ‘nearly full’ – thousands donate SD cards, thumb drives.
Thousands gather to record chants for use in behind closed doors games
Oshaughnessy
Archaeologists in Pompeii say lockdown message was confusing and unclear
Boris understands black people and asks them to pop over and smoke some weed
Cinema-goers happy to sit in front of morons stuffing their faces for 2 hours
Dominic Raab thought Juneteenth was a singer in Little Mix
Man told to return to work despite losing ability to iron his own shirt
People don’t spit out their coffee over social media posts confirms report
SAGE to replace two-metre physical distancing advice with ‘wiggle room’
Watchdog investigates del boy over price of Peckham spring hand sanitiser
Oxbridge
Social distancing in schools ‘impractical’, warn bullies
PaulD
Fears Johnson now receiving advice from a sprig of sage
Liam Neeson to become government’s new track and trace system
ron cawleyoni, oshaughnessy, Filthy Rich, SteveB
Seventies tv comedy and quiz shows arrive in 21st century covid-19 era with a bang!
Sarah Tipper
Bluebird has something in his eye over the white cliffs of dover
Zoo animals cheered by return of visiting humans
SimonJJames
Big Bread brutally stamping down on local breadmakers
Charity shops brace for deluge of all sort of random, useless shite
London’s burglars outline strict back to work measures
Nation begins slow recovery from prolonged exposure to own children
New director general to impartially accelerate and decelerate change at BBC
PM Johnson disappointed not to get a go on his riot water cannons
The Premier League is back! How have the teams been spending their lockdowns?
Sir Lupus
Bus companies warn of timetable chaos if passengers return
SteveB
Return of football tarnished by lack of ‘referee’s a wanker’ chanting
Trade deal win-win: US pharma gets NHS access, the UK gets to give it
ThomasWykes
9 in 10 victims of police brutality have underlying conditions, argue officials
2020 news – this just in: everything.
David Walliams apologises for blackface on Britains Got Talent
Outrage as Boris Johnson spends only £9 of taxpayer money on haircut
Scuba divers hold anti-mask protest
WWE decides Ric Flair old enough to be told wrestling not real
Throngsman
Government encourages semaphore to signal CV-19 tracing
‘So I slept in a swimming pool, so what?’ says Cummings
Test and Trace team ‘disappointed’ at Alok Sharma diagnosis
Three little pigs planning permission rejected
Titus
Universal disgust & outrage as aircraft displays sign “All Live’s Matter”
Tonymc81
Government to release homeless back into wild
Tristian Shout
Katie Hopkins hits back by banning people from her new microblogging site
Vertically Challenged Giant
Black Lives Matter disbanded after man on twitter points out all lives matter
Government to implement extensive stable door closing programme “soon”
“It’s too hot” confirm scientists
Katie Hopkins sitting at home spewing hate at her dog
LBC replace Nigel Farage with Romanian and Bulgarian immigrant double act
Lockdown eased after local plumber says he reckons pandemic has blown over
Lost Amazonian tribe discovered living in Ikea
Mark Zuckerberg refuses to criticise Trump for sh*tting on his dining table
Men head outside to cook meat with fire
Reckless illegal gathering becomes fine as clock strikes midnight on May 31st
‘Stop asking awkward questions and watch these men kick a ball’ urges government
The A-Team criticise lack of furlough support for soldiers of fortune
‘This is what Churchill would want’ says protester kicking policeman
Trump insists he was only visiting the White House for an inspection
VickyRichards
“Eurgh, do i have to care about Black Lives Matter this week too?” Says activist
Theatres to now charge £50 for tiny tubs of ice cream in bid to save industry
Wrenfoe
Boris allowed to organise opening of pubs – but not piss-ups in breweries
Far-right thugs start the football season early
Keir Starmer fires MP because he’s too scared to stop buying a newspaper
Ketchup works for everything – except sex play
Neolithic monument found at Stonehenge, was Matt Hancock’s first tracing app
Price of scrap bronze will plummet if UK removes all its racist statues
USA suffers serious shortage of unarmed people to kill
You can’t ban Katie Hopkins you have to sprinkle salt on her
Zoos reopen – lions excited about 2 metre distancing
YaBasta
Boris thought Marcus Rashford was classical roman orator
The growing waiting list for spine donors
Top brand seeks to recruit “head of boilerplate”
Tonymc81
Government to release homeless back into wild
Tristian Shout
Katie Hopkins hits back by banning people from her new microblogging site
Vertically Challenged Giant
Black Lives Matter disbanded after man on twitter points out all lives matter
Government to implement extensive stable door closing programme “soon”
“It’s too hot” confirm scientists
Katie Hopkins sitting at home spewing hate at her dog
LBC replace Nigel Farage with Romanian and Bulgarian immigrant double act
Lockdown eased after local plumber says he reckons pandemic has blown over
Lost Amazonian tribe discovered living in Ikea
Mark Zuckerberg refuses to criticise Trump for sh*tting on his dining table
Men head outside to cook meat with fire
Reckless illegal gathering becomes fine as clock strikes midnight on May 31st
‘Stop asking awkward questions and watch these men kick a ball’ urges government
The A-Team criticise lack of furlough support for soldiers of fortune
‘This is what Churchill would want’ says protester kicking policeman
Trump insists he was only visiting the White House for an inspection
VickyRichards
“Eurgh, do i have to care about Black Lives Matter this week too?” Says activist
Theatres to now charge £50 for tiny tubs of ice cream in bid to save industry
Wrenfoe
Boris allowed to organise opening of pubs – but not piss-ups in breweries
Far-right thugs start the football season early
Keir Starmer fires MP because he’s too scared to stop buying a newspaper
Ketchup works for everything – except sex play
Neolithic monument found at Stonehenge, was Matt Hancock’s first tracing app
Price of scrap bronze will plummet if UK removes all its racist statues
USA suffers serious shortage of unarmed people to kill
You can’t ban Katie Hopkins you have to sprinkle salt on her
Zoos reopen – lions excited about 2 metre distancing
YaBasta
Boris thought Marcus Rashford was classical roman orator
The growing waiting list for spine donors
Top brand seeks to recruit “head of boilerplate”
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