WOTM Feb 2020 final

Wren is the supreme champion this month, with three Front pages, seven NiBs and a brace of tickers.  DavidH comes second and unspellable and virtually unpronounceable newcomer oshaughnessy comes in a creditable third. Some great entries by newcomers this month, enriching the site.

All FPs, NiBs and Left Alerts, complete with hyperlinks are listed below.  as usual the ticker list is on the entry in the chat room.



A.Mantra 

Provocatively flirtatious woman wears a dress to work

Umbrellas to be sold inside out

Adam Young 

Coronavirus changes name in bid to appeal to younger audience.

Adrian Bamforth 

Inquiry into Childcatcher Party’s election defeat exonerates leader

Antharrison 

Surgeons rush to retrieve Brexitcast presenters from own arseholes

apepper 

Criminals welcome UK withdrawal from Euro warrant

Future census unnecessary ‘We’ll just ask the Chinese’

Man coughs, convinced he has coronavirus

Man refused entry to Belgium for ‘not speaking French’

UK Coronavirus tests ‘to include citizenship questions’

Benvoleo 

 “Blue passports bailed us out, why not you flood victims too?” beams Johnson

Fertiliser to power ocean-going ships will come from crops rotting in fields

Brainstorm 

Boris ‘leapt through hoops’ to get Cummings on board

Chipchase

Dithering Desmond desperate to get it taped

Man to sue cruise operator after catching Corona Virus from ‘commoners’

Smells more like white spirit as Francois finds Nirvana

Trump to introduce ‘Trump Justice’ in second term

Chrisf 

Dr Dolittle breached basic research protocols, claims Medical Research Council

Number 10 press corps to be replaced by North Korean newsreader

TV villains to undergo compulsory sarcastic hand-clap training

DavidH 

Audi smashes two-metre land speed record

Facial recognition camera matches member of the public to ‘him off the telly’

Feed the 52

Jeremy Corbyn ‘happy to serve as shadow Dominic Cummings’

Love-child of a senior royal? Claim your regal inheritance, now!

Des Custard 

Man-corona sufferer enters second week of quarantine

Dick Everyman

Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse kick off 2020 World Tour

 Holly Willoughby outed as leader of Colombian drugs cartel

Editor 

Culture loses Culture War

Fernandomando 

United Kingdom to retrain as psychotherapist after split from EU

Fletcher 

Socially awkward office workers return to work after New Year holidays

Jamesroberts92 

Man declares mansplaining is now a real ‘thing’ after it happens to him

JoBo 

11 year old girl suffers overnight transformation

Children banned from heading balls, Scotland to continue teaching Glasgow Kiss

Ozzy Osbourne karma responsible for coronavirus

Mick Turate 

Loss Adjusters to recommend UK rebuild in wake of storm damage

Newsbiscuit Editorial Team 

BBC Drama Shows Outsourced To Am-dram Society

Change UK one year anniverary party ‘falls apart in chaos

nicharper 

Embarrassed WHO reaches out to Gwyneth Paltrow to help combat coronavirus

Joaquin Phoenix to only star in black comedies going forward

Only the elite should be allowed to discriminate based on class, says HMC

oshaughnessy 

EU sells unwanted Union Jacks to Iran

Man caught breaking into quarantine hospital was ‘only trying to see a doctor.’

Ministers must self-isolate if they feel a gaffe coming on

Residents delighted as local graffiti vandal scrawls over unwanted Banksy

Oxbridge 

Chinese advised to leave Britain ‘because it’s crap’

Storm-inconvenienced Isle of Wight vows ‘We will rebuild’

Your guide to the rest of the storm season

Sarah Tipper 

Thornton’s Continental chocolates to get proper British names

Sir Lupus 

Young Canadian couple refused UK visa under new system.

Terry Bunn 

China offered place in government

Thatwasbeast 

‘Casual’ who joined work seven-a-side living to regret it

Contact lens missing after plunging 10cm

Throngsman 

Boris sacks himself in surprise move during reshuffle

Grant Shapps scraps petrol, diesel and hybrid cars from Wednesday

RNLI criticised for ‘taking so bloody long’

UK reeling as no sign of Storm Boris abating

Vertically Challened Giant 

Everybody who completed Dry January already shit-faced

‘This is a massive witch-hunt,’ complains massive witch

Walter Eagle 

Government announces UK carbon neutral 15 years early

Government Proposes Zipwire To Link Scotland To Northern Ireland

Wrenfoe 

Assistant Referee still self-identifies as a ‘Linesman’

Boris to build high-speed rail bridge – for ‘faster deportation’

Cat forced to wear collar is going to f$ck you up

Chancellor of Exchequer to become zero-hour contract

Coronavirus outbreak in Iran – USA has second thoughts about invading

Facemasks? Either its Coronavirus or we suddenly have a lot of dentists

Grim Reaper’s skull found on top of Tony Blair’s neck

Remainers spotted entering ark two-by-two

Shadowy fence-panelling cartel behind Storm Ciara

UK in talks with China over high-speed import of Coronavirus

YaBasta 

EU farewell to UK mistranslated as ‘So long, and thanks for all the fish’

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