WOTM Aug 2019 final

Well, Wren tops the list again, but because of that darned Wren rule he has to pass the virtual mug over to Tonymc81, who has had a storming month with points earned in every category apart from hat tip.  Well done Tony (and Chop. Dom, Gero and everyone else on the list)

A,Mantra 



Man horrified his best friend is not an assassin, he just plays the violin



Man in empty restaurant toilet can’t decide which urinal to use



Adrian Bamforth 



Cardinal Pell wins reprieve from eternal torture after confession booth plea



How to survive Prorogation



apepper  


 Boris pledges to boost crime to make use of extra prison places



Concept of ‘truth’ caught in unpleasant ‘three-way’ with Boris & Trump



Muddle as Jeremy Corbyn takes job as caretaker


Whaley Bridge residents told to ’embrace opportunities of losing homes’



Benvoleo 


Major power failure results in holiday cancellations for MPs



Chipchase 



British seaside resorts still a shit holiday destination says new study



England cricket selectors delighted with disgraced peer’s Ashes performances



Fears grow as reports Boris and Trump have been speaking on phone ahead of G7


‘Folks foolishly visiting public events prime cause of mass shootings’ says NRA



Hardman Ray Winstone’s betting channel in free fall as viewers desert in droves



ITV2 stuns core audience with new highbrow show shocker



New UKIP Leader challenges satirists head-on



Talks scheduled with Postman Pat as Trump sets sights on Greendale



Trumpton’s First responders embark on mercy dash to quench Amazon conflagration



Chrisf 



Army to use Australian batsman Steve Smith to shore up Whaley bridge dam



Man loses again in game of Russian Roulette with paper shredder



Mr Bennett from Take Hart offers to form caretaker government



DavidH 



Jeremy Corbyn’s Premier League do’s and don’ts


Julian Assange tried to escape prison disguised as Pamela Anderson



Nigel Farage blasts Royal Family for Brexit New Year Honour snub



Post-Brexit 50p to be crafted from Harry Styles’ hair



Deceangli 



Trump: ‘OK not nukes…how about knives?’



Woman fails to find full time employment photographing her drinks for Facebook



Dominic_mcg 



Opposition MPs sign up to a plan to…you know…oppose


Paw Patrol pups to advise Government on emergency services.



Woman forgets to tell strangers she is vegan



FlashArry 


Boris confounds critics



Gerontius 



Amazon forest fires could devastate Bake Off warn Channel 4


‘Don’t worry, we’ll look after all the animals’ promise oligarchs and sheiks



Fringe cancelled as comedians say they can’t compete with Boris policy pledges



‘I did not suspect Hitler’s behaviour’ insists Prince



Sir Elton to go ‘carb neutral’ in effort to save planet



Smaller family means smaller private jets, fewer limousines says Prince Harry



Hindari Banga 


Brexit will cost EU billions



James_doc 



Boris Offers to Buy Ireland



Jon Roughty 



Deliveroo boxes to deter bankers from tax fraud



Jonny Shlep 



Royal baby Archie a worthless piece of crap says Daily Mail



Katewritesstuff 


‘Can we stop playing now? It’s not fun any more.’ whinges Corbyn



Dating app user freaks out after receiving normal message


Man distraught after discovering ‘wedding breakfast’ isn’t a posh fry-up



Psychopath arrested for eating free-for-all bar snacks



Updated scheduling sees CBeebies Bedtime Story aired post-watershed



Woman pretending to like podcasts lives in fear of being asked about them



Laine Slater 



Boris Johnson found 2.5 billion while treasure hunting on “offshore bank”



Midfield Diamond 



Little boy not going to a party because girl won’t sell him Tracy Island



Newsbiscuit Editorial Team 



Boris asks Parliament to ‘suspend disbelief’


Charles Bombshell ‘I am in hock to payday lenders’



Don’t worry about the Amazon rainforest – we have a spare



Helen Mirren under fire for suspending Parliament.



Trump will nuke hurricanes if sanctions don’t work



NickB



Downing Street will supply Carrie Symonds with f@cking laptop



‘Epstein was definitely not murdered before committing suicide’ says Trump et al



Pippip 


Prime Minister to send 250 beavers to Whaley Bridge



Rhydderch Wilson 


Rich bastards now officially known as 'High Earners'



“Try having a German wife, like me.” Nigel Farage advises Prince Harry



Sir Lupus 


Meghan ruined my fantasy bromance, laments Farage



Sydalg 


Emotional scenes as porn mag prints last hard copy edition



Terry Bunn 



US opiod crisis to fund the NHS – rebranded Johnson, Johnson & Johnson



Thatwasbeast 



Holiday makers in distance heading straight for your beach spot



Throngsman 



Boris says he ‘can’t be arsed discussing Brexit’ with Macron and Merkel



Titus



‘Prorogation was her idea,’ says Boris.



Tonymc81 


Could you be a Prime target?



Mark Francois barricades himself inside WW2 Anderson Shelter.



Patient makes last stand



 ‘Place your bets’ says British Airways



Queues at Food banks ‘unacceptable’, says MP



School funding eventually stretches to buying one book



UK orphans – 2 for 1 sale



Ugi 


Boris to Reintroduce Boxing Day Hunt to cull social-care claimants



Power cuts “Practice run for pushing through No-Deal” admits No. 10



Walter Eagle 



Ruth Davidson to resigns due to unmanageable, bawling man-baby



Wrenfoe 


Ant & Dec to head Government of National Unity



Boris promises £1.8bn to NHS to cover his paternity tests



Caroline Lucas bases her dream cabinet on one ‘girly night out’



Chlamydia Island follow-up ‘not so popular’



Half as many plastic bags available for Brexit clean-up



Jeffrey Epstein ‘conveniently’ commits suicide



Jo Swinson demands ‘more comfortable’ diamond shoes



Lib Dems mistake ‘work- shadowing’ for shadow cabinet



Man has no spare capacity to worry about Kashmir



Pensionable age to be set by Joseph Heller



White supremacist killer accused of plagiarism



YouGov owe the bookies £10m