April 2019 WOTM competition Final
After an exiting battle over the last two weeks I can reveal that Chip has made it to the top once again, with A.M. and Nick in joint second place. Special notice to Dom who scored twenty tickers this month, out of a total of 102, which must be a record. Well done all, here's hoping we'll meet up again at the end of May, whenever in the month that occurs. Links to the 91 FP, NiB and LA entries are, as usual, below.
A.Mantra
Boy unable to comprehend dad’s glee at finding his old Scalextric
Cauliflower ‘steak’ just cauliflower
Drunk couples who ‘made friends’ at wedding now acting like they never met
How to cope with not leaving the EU on 29th March
Man calling in sick can’t decide between a stomach bug and a cold
Man goes berserk when petrol pump dial lands on £20.01
Man in gastro-pub can’t work out which is the men’s toilet
Man shakes man’s fist as greeting goes horribly wrong
Man who went to ‘university of life,’ graduated from ‘institute of twats’
Only boy in ballet class isn’t buying his mum’s ‘Billy Elliot’ s**t
apepper
Dolphins dream of ‘walking with humans’
Benvoleo
Cambridge have won the Boat Race, once and for all, says Brexiter
“I didn’t agree to an extension” says man who said “yeah, whatever” to builders
Bobski
MI6 place undercover agent at top of organised crime family
Bravenewmalden
Proud new DeWalt owner still looking for something to drill
Chipchase
12-step guide on how to be a pro-Brexit spokesman
Assange finally shown the door for ‘never buying milk’
DUP floats ‘ducking-stool’ compromise
Fury as Highways England advises Easter motorists ‘Just fucking stay at home’
Gavin Williamson ‘really excited’ about his birthday party, says his mum
How to refuse an invitation to a state banquet you’d rather not attend
Sting admitted to pretentiousness rehab clinic
Study reveals many modern artworks ‘aren’t very good’
The Passion of Mark Francois
Tiger Woods owes it all to me, says Trump
Trump tweet calls out Queen’s ‘hospitality snub’
Chrisf
Man confirms that his unhealthy interest in snooker will last another week
Man in middle of row has ‘no right to either armrest’
Marvel’s next franchise will be set in ‘UK TV Detective’ Universe
Crayon
Greeting cards to be totally glitter
Man inspired by Grand National whips cats around obstacle course
DavidH
Jacob Rees-Mogg changes name to Jimmy Ringpull
Deceangli
Fleabag Season 3: She seduces the IT support guy
Lady gardens to be granted planning permission
Dick Everyman
Ann Widdecombe turns her back on career as TV’s Mrs Diversity
Dominic_mcg
Extinction Rebellion admit they’re just playing a huge game of Monopoly
Editor
Brexit Party and UKIP to fight it out in pub car park
Farmer Giles
Huawei to sponsor Newcastle United
/
Save on heating bills – use a pet as a ‘willy warmer’
Gary Stanton
Latest Extinction Rebellion protest to feature entire cast of Love Actually
Granger
Paranoid Ryanair passenger demands answers
Hindari Banga
May seeks to resolve problems with “megavote”
Ivan Edwards
“Don’t @ me”, says tweet with 0 replies, 0 retweets and 0 likes
BBC renews Not Going Out for 31 more series
Johnny Shlep
Sex robot gives birth to a Henry the Hoover
Last Hussar
Continuity Viking Army claims responsibility for Notre Dame fire
Midfield Diamond
Leeds boss faces sack for bringing the game into repute
MzWibble
Pre-Brexit World video game launched
Newsbiscuit Editorial Team
By 2022 all party leaders will be related to Boris Johnson
Change UK & Brexit Party to merge – ‘to get all the vote
God: ‘Thanks for the thoughts and prayers but I’d rather have had the cash
Future looking sweet for billionaire Dyson
Scientists finally equate Brexit with the laws of thermodynamics
Seventy-six pubs ‘shutting per month’ to avoid Nigel Farage
nickb
Details about who leaked leaks leaked
ERG guide to disrupting the European Parliament
Geller claims TV triumph with new anti-Brexit TV show ‘Uri Nation’
Police get new ‘stop and lurch’ powers
Post Brexit toilet paper could be ‘too soft’ for leavers.
Sultan of Brunei suggests people get stoned after gay sex or adultery.
TV Cop show creator denies ‘using cornflour’ to thicken plot.
Oxbridge
Actually we didn’t ALL survive the Blitz, Brexiters remind
Woman who was sh*gged into the middle of next week sues for return of lost days
Your guide to the runners in the Grand National Suicide
Paul L
Jesus returns. Finds himself swiftly moved on.
London earthquake blamed on honest office worker
Peaty Haven
Brexit delay ‘due to porn negotiations’
Sugar Ray
Brexit Party candidates suspended over non-inflammatory remarks
Trumpton to sue Trump Town
The Islander
Office worker calls for end to ‘dress-down Fridays’
Woman worried she’s caught PPI
Throngsman
Brexit impasse to be solved through the medium of interpretive dance
Facebook criticised for allowing messages suggesting Brexit still alive
Human race to be’ discontinued’ after 2025
Japanese asteroid destruction testing ‘inspired by Brexit’
Titus
Device which detects ‘Life’ in brain-dead subjects is called ‘Television’
Tonymc81
British Army to recruit more ex-IS teenage girls
Conservatives ready to face the people
Intrepid Explorers Return to Forgotten Britain
Kids hungry for success, should just be kept hungry
Wrenfoe
Dodos doing just fine, Gove insists
French Police hunt arsonist with distinctive curvature of the spine
Netanyahu annexes Moon
Samuel Beckett wrote Brexit
Schoolchildren paying for teachers’ meals out of their pocket money
Theresa May negotiates Brexit extension, with free Broadband
YaBasta
April Fool’s Day gags in newspapers no longer necessary
Jon Snow cricitised for mentioning whiteness of White Walkers
MPs vote for Narnia amendment
Stop and Search introduced for MPs voting No
Taking photos in black and white “doesn’t actually make them more arty”
Theresa May negotiates Brexit extension, with free Broadband
Treatment of man who can’t understand sarcasm “going really well”
A.Mantra
Boy unable to comprehend dad’s glee at finding his old Scalextric
Cauliflower ‘steak’ just cauliflower
Drunk couples who ‘made friends’ at wedding now acting like they never met
How to cope with not leaving the EU on 29th March
Man calling in sick can’t decide between a stomach bug and a cold
Man goes berserk when petrol pump dial lands on £20.01
Man in gastro-pub can’t work out which is the men’s toilet
Man shakes man’s fist as greeting goes horribly wrong
Man who went to ‘university of life,’ graduated from ‘institute of twats’
Only boy in ballet class isn’t buying his mum’s ‘Billy Elliot’ s**t
apepper
Dolphins dream of ‘walking with humans’
Benvoleo
Cambridge have won the Boat Race, once and for all, says Brexiter
“I didn’t agree to an extension” says man who said “yeah, whatever” to builders
Bobski
MI6 place undercover agent at top of organised crime family
Bravenewmalden
Proud new DeWalt owner still looking for something to drill
Chipchase
12-step guide on how to be a pro-Brexit spokesman
Assange finally shown the door for ‘never buying milk’
DUP floats ‘ducking-stool’ compromise
Fury as Highways England advises Easter motorists ‘Just fucking stay at home’
Gavin Williamson ‘really excited’ about his birthday party, says his mum
How to refuse an invitation to a state banquet you’d rather not attend
Sting admitted to pretentiousness rehab clinic
Study reveals many modern artworks ‘aren’t very good’
The Passion of Mark Francois
Tiger Woods owes it all to me, says Trump
Trump tweet calls out Queen’s ‘hospitality snub’
Chrisf
Man confirms that his unhealthy interest in snooker will last another week
Man in middle of row has ‘no right to either armrest’
Marvel’s next franchise will be set in ‘UK TV Detective’ Universe
Crayon
Greeting cards to be totally glitter
Man inspired by Grand National whips cats around obstacle course
DavidH
Jacob Rees-Mogg changes name to Jimmy Ringpull
Deceangli
Fleabag Season 3: She seduces the IT support guy
Lady gardens to be granted planning permission
Dick Everyman
Ann Widdecombe turns her back on career as TV’s Mrs Diversity
Dominic_mcg
Extinction Rebellion admit they’re just playing a huge game of Monopoly
Editor
Brexit Party and UKIP to fight it out in pub car park
Farmer Giles
Huawei to sponsor Newcastle United
/
Save on heating bills – use a pet as a ‘willy warmer’
Gary Stanton
Latest Extinction Rebellion protest to feature entire cast of Love Actually
Granger
Paranoid Ryanair passenger demands answers
Hindari Banga
May seeks to resolve problems with “megavote”
Iroquois Pliskin
Ivan Edwards
“Don’t @ me”, says tweet with 0 replies, 0 retweets and 0 likes
BBC renews Not Going Out for 31 more series
Johnny Shlep
Sex robot gives birth to a Henry the Hoover
Last Hussar
Continuity Viking Army claims responsibility for Notre Dame fire
Midfield Diamond
Leeds boss faces sack for bringing the game into repute
MzWibble
Pre-Brexit World video game launched
Newsbiscuit Editorial Team
By 2022 all party leaders will be related to Boris Johnson
Change UK & Brexit Party to merge – ‘to get all the vote
God: ‘Thanks for the thoughts and prayers but I’d rather have had the cash
Future looking sweet for billionaire Dyson
Scientists finally equate Brexit with the laws of thermodynamics
Seventy-six pubs ‘shutting per month’ to avoid Nigel Farage
nickb
Details about who leaked leaks leaked
ERG guide to disrupting the European Parliament
Geller claims TV triumph with new anti-Brexit TV show ‘Uri Nation’
Police get new ‘stop and lurch’ powers
Post Brexit toilet paper could be ‘too soft’ for leavers.
Sultan of Brunei suggests people get stoned after gay sex or adultery.
TV Cop show creator denies ‘using cornflour’ to thicken plot.
Oxbridge
Actually we didn’t ALL survive the Blitz, Brexiters remind
Woman who was sh*gged into the middle of next week sues for return of lost days
Your guide to the runners in the Grand National Suicide
Paul L
Jesus returns. Finds himself swiftly moved on.
London earthquake blamed on honest office worker
Peaty Haven
Brexit delay ‘due to porn negotiations’
Sugar Ray
Brexit Party candidates suspended over non-inflammatory remarks
Trumpton to sue Trump Town
The Islander
Office worker calls for end to ‘dress-down Fridays’
Woman worried she’s caught PPI
Throngsman
Brexit impasse to be solved through the medium of interpretive dance
Facebook criticised for allowing messages suggesting Brexit still alive
Human race to be’ discontinued’ after 2025
Japanese asteroid destruction testing ‘inspired by Brexit’
Titus
Device which detects ‘Life’ in brain-dead subjects is called ‘Television’
Tonymc81
British Army to recruit more ex-IS teenage girls
Conservatives ready to face the people
Intrepid Explorers Return to Forgotten Britain
Kids hungry for success, should just be kept hungry
Wrenfoe
Dodos doing just fine, Gove insists
French Police hunt arsonist with distinctive curvature of the spine
Netanyahu annexes Moon
Samuel Beckett wrote Brexit
Schoolchildren paying for teachers’ meals out of their pocket money
Theresa May negotiates Brexit extension, with free Broadband
YaBasta
April Fool’s Day gags in newspapers no longer necessary
Jon Snow cricitised for mentioning whiteness of White Walkers
MPs vote for Narnia amendment
Stop and Search introduced for MPs voting No
Taking photos in black and white “doesn’t actually make them more arty”
Theresa May negotiates Brexit extension, with free Broadband
Treatment of man who can’t understand sarcasm “going really well”
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