October Writer of the Month final week

Wren has performed fantastically this month, scoring 4 front pages and 8 NiBs.  Unfortunately Wren is currently balancing a virtual mug on his head.  So we have to award this month's virtual crown to the writer who is next on the leaderboard and, once again, it is Dominic_mcg who has scored 1 front page, 1 Nib and 17, yes 17, tickers.  Well done to the pair of you .  Also well done to YB, CC, AB and Nickb, as well as everyone else in double digits.

As usual, I'll post all the tickers in the Chat room.

Adrian Bamforth

Crimewatch finale ‘to answer all fans’ questions’

Cough sweet now ‘Prime Minister in waiting’

May refuses to say if she would vote for herself – or Jedward – again

Parents prepare to tell kids Toys ‘R’ Us doesn’t exist

Adrian Bamforth & Milo Shame

May refuses to say if she would vote for herself – or Jedward – again

apepper

Mother’s question “Do you want more sprouts?” breached human rights convention

Chipchase 

Claire Foy’s knee becomes a bone of contention

May’s open letter to EU citizens ‘Remaining in UK is possibly guaranteed’

New research suggests death is nation’s biggest killer

Police free 30 from illegal weather girl farm

Prince George is ‘sending her to rehab’ says teacher’s friend

Rees-Mogg to publish own pamphlets in praise of May

Samaritans in urgent appeal for less gritty psychological dramas

Trump to undergo pioneering ‘own ass extraction surgery’

Chrisf

Britain never bought its round either, says JunckerMan bemoans yet another low trade-in car valuation

Investment in technology ‘vital’ to counter rising crime in TV shows

Middle class man ‘dangerously low’ on conversation starters with kitchen fitters

Daneade

Corbyn hospitalised after laughing fitEmbarrassing public malfunction by British-built robot

Geordie women win right to go clubbing naked

Monarch still better than Ryanair, say passengers

DavidH

Is London’s new T-Charge hitting the right £10 note?

Dick Everyman

Trump claims he’s ‘smarter than Yogi Bear’

Trump extends travel ban to Moronvia

Washington dog pound mutts breathe sighs of relief after Trump snub

Domomic_mcg

Braille porn discovered in textured kitchen rolls

Sexual harassment allegations rock the island of Sodor

Farmer Giles

‘Nun eaten’ in Nuneaton

Gerontius

Homeless men ‘cruelly taunted Cambridge student’Monarchy goes into administration

harrypalmer

Tory MP demands to know names of everyone accusing him of McCarthyism

Jamsieoconnor Trump to ban Americans from America

Jonny Shlep  ‘Cowardly’ Nigel Farage dumped me by semaphore claims mistress Harvey Weinstein to run for President Tesco removes all babies from store after scare Matt Ward  Toddlers reject offer of extra hour in bed Midfield Diamond Brexit negotiations to focus on political football-related metaphors England cough and splutter against Slovenia in tribute to PM Oxbridge to admit more students with ‘thick’ West Country accents Milo Shame Brexit to be sponsored by Imodium Duchess of Cambridge ‘pregnant by Paddington Bear’ Hitler to appear on the One Show Naff Laff Prankster from school still annoying little prick Newsbiscuit Editorial Team ‘Melting Pot’ mass murderers face life in jail NHS Survivor NHS bed space outsourcing ‘a bloody mess’ says B&B landlady nickb ‘Buy your own sex toys’ May tells MPs Depp, Pitt or Damon to play Weinstein in Weinstein biopic produced by Weinstein Health fears grow for music stars named after games and pastimes Knoll ‘less grassy than first thought’ say new JFK documents Scottish parents urged: 'bank up' child beatings before smacking banned by law Oxbridge Ideal Home ‘is the one with Phil f**ing Spencer’s body buried in the garden’ Man suffers horrific near-death experience as deceased relatives welcome him Ronseal Bullying of patients in care homes could soon be done by Robots Crystal Palace’s Goal of the Month prize to be rolled over Simple Samples  NRA study finds ‘thoughts and prayers’ infinitely more effective than gun control Stanley Mizaru Trump refuses to meet Queen because she took a knee to lay wreath Suki4343 America shocked as automatic rifle used to kill people Thatwasbeast Train operator to raise carriage temperature to ‘solar surface’ The Peoples Poet Driverless washing machines causing chaos on M11 Throngsman Integer shortage hits classrooms North Korea regretting alliance with Ryanair Supermarket ‘self serve’ customers required to provide education evidence Ugi Exam Board to set new GCSE in cramming for exams May cries ‘Prank’, claiming Brexit a massive practical joke Weematt May accuses Johnson of Brexual harassment Wrenfoe 95% of gambling adverts interrupted by sport Britain ‘just not comfortable’ with winning Catalonia demands £350m for NHS Harvey Weinstein apologises for James Corden ‘If only I’d thought to use a wheelchair’ Weinstein tells George Bush Snr ‘One-way ticket for homeless’ – just Southern Rail’s usual service Puerto Rico says Trump ‘not a real catastrophe’ Raymond Briggs apologises for ‘Snowman’ remake ‘Rural Doctors’, technically Vets Surgeons could save time by not washing their hands Ted Heath to be next Tory leader Women banned from menstruating with blue liquid YaBasta Baron Greenback guilty of molesting Dangermouse Calls for background checks before states can buy nuclear weapons Indiana Jones 5: The Search for… what was it again? Matalan declares independence from Westfield shopping mall Men rejoice as women abandon Twitter Nobody expected the Spanish overreaction Spanish baffled as to why Catalans don’t like them Trigger warnings should have trigger warnings, say millenials