Unofficial Newsbiscuit Writer of the Month Competition

Well, Wren tops the list again, but because of that darned Wren rule he has to pass the virtual mug over to Tonymc81, who has had a storming month with points earned in every category apart from hat tip.  Well done Tony (and Chop. Dom, Gero and everyone else on the list) A,Mantra  Man horrified his best friend is not an assassin, he just plays the violin Man in empty restaurant toilet can’t decide which urinal to use Adrian Bamforth  Cardinal Pell wins reprieve from eternal torture after confession booth plea How to survive Prorogation apepper    Boris pledges to boost crime to make use of extra prison places Concept of ‘truth’ caught in unpleasant ‘three-way’ with Boris & Trump Muddle as Jeremy Corbyn takes job as caretaker Whaley Bridge residents told to ’embrace opportunities of losing homes’ Benvoleo  Major power failure results in holiday ca...

Technically Wren is I the lead, but of course Wren's own Wren rule means he can't win two months in a row, so Tonymc81 is leading the pack this month at the halfway point, followed closely by Dom. apepper  Whaley Bridge residents told to ’embrace opportunities of losing homes’ Benvoleo  Major power failure results in holiday cancellations for MPs Chipchase  ‘Folks foolishly visiting public events prime cause of mass shootings’ says NRA DavidH  Julian Assange tried to escape prison disguised as Pamela Anderson Dominic_mcg  Paw Patrol pups to advise Government on emergency services. FlashArry  Boris confounds critics Gerontius  ‘Don’t worry, we’ll look after all the animals’ promise oligarchs and sheiks Fringe cancelled as comedians say they can’t compete with Boris policy pledges Hindari Banga  Brexit will cost EU billions Katewritesstuff  Man distraught after discovering ‘wedding breakfast’ isn’t a po...

Well, Chip has done it again, storming to the front with 38 points.  Unfortunately for Chip he falls foul of the Wren rule that says you can't win two months on the trot, so at 12 points fewer than Chip's 38 points Wren takes the virtual crown.  Congrats to anyone on this leaderboard (and to those who pitched but didn't get picked as well) but especially to Tonymc81, Deceangli and Ugi for hitting double figures. Acidcirus  Frank Lampard’s Derby County to change name to Derby County Johnson’s cabinet rated even worse than Justice League KFC employee refuses to work to force transfer to McDonald’s Kilmarnock football fans delighted with European adventure Adrian Bamforth  Hunt and Johnson debate plans to leave Tron Mrs Brown’s Boys repeats ‘could continue beyond 31 October’ if no Brexit deal agreed apepper  Gay activist defends ‘idiot reversion therapy’ Beau-Jolly  Pensioner accidentally voted in as PM Chipchase  ...

Chip and Wren are slugging it out this month, with Deceangli making a strong challenge. Acidcirus  Frank Lampard’s Derby County to change name to Derby County KFC employee refuses to work to force transfer to McDonald’s apepper  Gay activist defends ‘idiot reversion therapy’ Chipchase  Attenborough’s Glastonbury set slammed Furious Francois to call for second vote Johnson – ‘I’ll reintroduce compulsory fagging in all public schools’ Man who wiped his arse with Daily Mail claims he ‘caught’ xenophobia Trump tweets congratulations to America’s victorious Soccer Moms Chrisf  Question Time answer runs into second day as panellist awaits audience applause Daneade  TV Leadership Debate Format to be Booze-up at Boris’s Flat Deceangli  Budget airlines to trial ‘Dismemberment Class’ flights Hollywood in search of fresh ‘Evil Accent’ Johnson, Hunt to pull Excalibur from stone Trump recalls fateful day when USA defeated th...

Chippy did it again, pulling well clear of Titus.  Some great subs this month, keep it up. A.Mantra  Bear Grylls awarded OBE for services to voluntarily doing rank sh*t apeppe r  65 year old man confesses; ‘I wasn’t Kung Foo fighting’ Mud shortage hits summer festivals Benvoleo  MP’s to stop voting as the people already voted in the referendum Bravenewmalden  D-Day ‘best day ever’, veteran recalls Bunbury  Johnson promises garden bridge for every city Chipchase  Boris: ‘I once did something selfless but I’m not proud of it’ Britain’s Moron Threat changed to ‘moderate’ following Trump’s departure Documents discovered on train ‘not ours’ insists Farage Exclusive: Trump’s letter to Kim Good vet gets lamb back up on its feet  Jo Brand is the one we are scared of? Really? Johnson in last gasp attempt to acquire a shred of integrity Man shatters record after being on hold to DWP call centre for five years Row ...