WOTM Aug 2019 final
Well, Wren tops the list again, but because of that darned Wren rule he has to pass the virtual mug over to Tonymc81, who has had a storming month with points earned in every category apart from hat tip. Well done Tony (and Chop. Dom, Gero and everyone else on the list)
A,Mantra
Man horrified his best friend is not an assassin, he just plays the violin
Man in empty restaurant toilet can’t decide which urinal to use
Adrian Bamforth
Cardinal Pell wins reprieve from eternal torture after confession booth plea
How to survive Prorogation
apepper
Boris pledges to boost crime to make use of extra prison places
Concept of ‘truth’ caught in unpleasant ‘three-way’ with Boris & Trump
Muddle as Jeremy Corbyn takes job as caretaker
Whaley Bridge residents told to ’embrace opportunities of losing homes’
Benvoleo
Major power failure results in holiday cancellations for MPs
Chipchase
British seaside resorts still a shit holiday destination says new study
England cricket selectors delighted with disgraced peer’s Ashes performances
Fears grow as reports Boris and Trump have been speaking on phone ahead of G7
‘Folks foolishly visiting public events prime cause of mass shootings’ says NRA
Hardman Ray Winstone’s betting channel in free fall as viewers desert in droves
ITV2 stuns core audience with new highbrow show shocker
New UKIP Leader challenges satirists head-on
Talks scheduled with Postman Pat as Trump sets sights on Greendale
Trumpton’s First responders embark on mercy dash to quench Amazon conflagration
Chrisf
Army to use Australian batsman Steve Smith to shore up Whaley bridge dam
Man loses again in game of Russian Roulette with paper shredder
Mr Bennett from Take Hart offers to form caretaker government
DavidH
Jeremy Corbyn’s Premier League do’s and don’ts
Julian Assange tried to escape prison disguised as Pamela Anderson
Nigel Farage blasts Royal Family for Brexit New Year Honour snub
Post-Brexit 50p to be crafted from Harry Styles’ hair
Deceangli
Trump: ‘OK not nukes…how about knives?’
Woman fails to find full time employment photographing her drinks for Facebook
Dominic_mcg
Opposition MPs sign up to a plan to…you know…oppose
Paw Patrol pups to advise Government on emergency services.
Woman forgets to tell strangers she is vegan
FlashArry
Boris confounds critics
Gerontius
Amazon forest fires could devastate Bake Off warn Channel 4
‘Don’t worry, we’ll look after all the animals’ promise oligarchs and sheiks
Fringe cancelled as comedians say they can’t compete with Boris policy pledges
‘I did not suspect Hitler’s behaviour’ insists Prince
Sir Elton to go ‘carb neutral’ in effort to save planet
Smaller family means smaller private jets, fewer limousines says Prince Harry
Hindari Banga
Brexit will cost EU billions
James_doc
Boris Offers to Buy Ireland
Jon Roughty
Deliveroo boxes to deter bankers from tax fraud
Jonny Shlep
Royal baby Archie a worthless piece of crap says Daily Mail
Katewritesstuff
‘Can we stop playing now? It’s not fun any more.’ whinges Corbyn
Dating app user freaks out after receiving normal message
Man distraught after discovering ‘wedding breakfast’ isn’t a posh fry-up
Psychopath arrested for eating free-for-all bar snacks
Updated scheduling sees CBeebies Bedtime Story aired post-watershed
Woman pretending to like podcasts lives in fear of being asked about them
Laine Slater
Boris Johnson found 2.5 billion while treasure hunting on “offshore bank”
Midfield Diamond
Little boy not going to a party because girl won’t sell him Tracy Island
Newsbiscuit Editorial Team
Boris asks Parliament to ‘suspend disbelief’
Charles Bombshell ‘I am in hock to payday lenders’
Don’t worry about the Amazon rainforest – we have a spare
Helen Mirren under fire for suspending Parliament.
Trump will nuke hurricanes if sanctions don’t work
NickB
Downing Street will supply Carrie Symonds with f@cking laptop
‘Epstein was definitely not murdered before committing suicide’ says Trump et al
Pippip
Prime Minister to send 250 beavers to Whaley Bridge
Rhydderch Wilson
Rich bastards now officially known as 'High Earners'
“Try having a German wife, like me.” Nigel Farage advises Prince Harry
Sir Lupus
Meghan ruined my fantasy bromance, laments Farage
Sydalg
Emotional scenes as porn mag prints last hard copy edition
Terry Bunn
US opiod crisis to fund the NHS – rebranded Johnson, Johnson & Johnson
Thatwasbeast
Holiday makers in distance heading straight for your beach spot
Throngsman
Boris says he ‘can’t be arsed discussing Brexit’ with Macron and Merkel
Titus
‘Prorogation was her idea,’ says Boris.
Tonymc81
Could you be a Prime target?
Mark Francois barricades himself inside WW2 Anderson Shelter.
Patient makes last stand
‘Place your bets’ says British Airways
Queues at Food banks ‘unacceptable’, says MP
School funding eventually stretches to buying one book
UK orphans – 2 for 1 sale
Ugi
Boris to Reintroduce Boxing Day Hunt to cull social-care claimants
Power cuts “Practice run for pushing through No-Deal” admits No. 10
Walter Eagle
Ruth Davidson to resigns due to unmanageable, bawling man-baby
Wrenfoe
Ant & Dec to head Government of National Unity
Boris promises £1.8bn to NHS to cover his paternity tests
Caroline Lucas bases her dream cabinet on one ‘girly night out’
Chlamydia Island follow-up ‘not so popular’
Half as many plastic bags available for Brexit clean-up
Jeffrey Epstein ‘conveniently’ commits suicide
Jo Swinson demands ‘more comfortable’ diamond shoes
Lib Dems mistake ‘work- shadowing’ for shadow cabinet
Man has no spare capacity to worry about Kashmir
Pensionable age to be set by Joseph Heller
White supremacist killer accused of plagiarism
YouGov owe the bookies £10m
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