WOTM Nov 2022
A draw this month, with SteveB and stewartbarclay sharing the honours. Ragmans Trumpet came in a creditable third and Modelmaker and Wren tied just behind.
As usual all the links to the Front Pages, News in Briefs and Left Alerts AKA Features are posted below the leaderboard, as are this month's tickers.
Adrian Bamforth
'Basic Skynet' to offer annihilation of mankind supported by ads
George, Zippy and Bungle protest at rainbow ban in Qatar
apepper
Braverman reluctantly removes sandwich board showing nuclear codes
Ex-wife convinces Matt Hancock he's going to eat kangaroo anus "as part of TV show
Government admits future of country depends on John Lewis Christmas Advert
Makers of The Crown fury at Royal Family's "unrealistic" lifestyle
Most of remaining government time to be spent apologising
CaptainParrot
Man substitutes personality for Madri obsession
Pushy dad already playing Haaland compilation to son in womb
Chipchase
Average wait in Post Office queue worse than M25 rush hour
'Ministry of Justice set to free up case backlogs by new 'toss of a coin - best of three' trials
Chrisf
Cowboy fired after false ‘this ain’t my first rodeo’ claims
‘Gap between borrowing and savings rates’ to be recognised as a Wonder of the World
Man struggling to prove fitness for watching World Cup from his sofa
Mobsters to adopt Boots ‘3 for 2’ extortion racket
Phone companies pre-announce record profits after Matt Hancock windfall
Clare
Christmas decorations up before Dec 1st? You are a psycho
Danny Soz
Nigeria in talks with UK for return of Rees-Mogg
Subbuteo Table Soccer To Launch Oppressive Qatari Regime World Cup Edition
Deceangli
‘A’ levels to be replaced by three-word slogans
Asylum-seekers urged to keep backstories simple
Jacob Rees-Mogg to be deleted as a parody human
Rift in space-time continuum caused by Corbyn
Deskpilot3
A few words on leaving Kherson
FlashArry
Qatari TV Broadcasters announce new schedule for the World Cup
Gerontius
Captain Pugwash friend says BBC portrayal of pirate ‘not true to life’
harrypalmer
Russia leaves giant wooden horse behind in Kherson as goodwill gesture to Ukraine
humpenscrumpjnr
Cyber Monday downgraded to Analogue Wednesday
Irrelevant
Equality in football definitely not there yet, says man with moobs
Jack the Quipper
Gavin Williamson's resignation letter in full
jeremynh
Boris bids for power again with exciting new Scofflaw Party
New lockdown announced to fight inflation
Joanne Starkie
'‘It’s all a conspiracy to get you to pay more for us’ says bird flu denying turkey
Your alternative guide to staying warm - and maybe even alive - this winter
Lockjaw
"Birthday party in Qatar Towers was rubbish" declares six-year-old
Midfield Diamond
Booing of ‘Big Six’ Premier League Clubs to be banned
International tightrope walking competition opens in Qatar
Modelmaker
Chancellor to blame H&S Executive for severe budget cuts
Cost of living crisis: Patients prescribed food as part of health trial
GB News sign up Roy Race as World Cup Anchor and senior pundit
Gosport dog now relieved that the Navy appears to heve repelled Putin's assault on the south coast
Lords may block Allwyn Entertainment taking over the National Lottery
Man desperate to turn Alexa off
Politicians to go on pay strike
Sunak to announce plan to improve integrity in government
Oshaughnessy
England lose their first training session on penalties
Government approves Cockney independence referendum
NASA dismisses claims they sent rockets to the moon years ago as wild conspiracy theories
World could run out of Americans by 2030 warns UN
Ragmans Trumpet
7 money saving tips from financial guru, Martin Clueless
Man sh*ts himself whenever anyone mentions Wordle
Man thinks his ‘lucky pants’ will help England win the World Cup
Shock in Pontypandy as Fireman Sam’s ‘hero’ reputation goes up in smoke
Your monthly horoscope, by Toxic Meg
Rich T
Braverman announces all new migrants to fight in Ukraine
rogerg
Government ministers to be fully automated by 2030
Sarah Tipper
God Save The Quing expected to be sung until after coronation
Sketchly
Britain's next Prime Minister to be decided by Christmas raffle
SteveB
Alien who asked 'take me to your leader' taken to Martin Lewis
Biggest prize ever won on a game show is Richard Osman
'Block Guardian on Twitter for constant lies,' says man who lied to you from No. 10 rose garden
Donald Trump announces he's running for whatever Elon Musk says
Exchange rate of Elon Musks plummets $42 Billion
Kangaroo anus refuses to go anywhere near Matt Hancock
Suella Braverman told to 'blink twice' at next PMQs if she is being held against her will by Tories
UK economy lands jam side down
Ukraine sick of laundering the underpants of sh*t UK politicians
Steve Blair
Gavin Williamson vows to clear name by ‘duffing up’ those who accused him of bullying
stewartbarclay
300,000 new homes for Tory voters
8 billion people and they all voted for me says Trump
I'm a Celeb goes full Lord of the Flies
Musk selling blue ticks ‘tuppence a bag’
Parcel delivery vans park where they like as ‘it’s Christmas’
Populist loses election, reacts maturely
Qatar bans rainbows in the sky
Tories urge nurses to be Sexy Nurses if they want a pay rise
'Welsh football fans bracing for 'peak patronisation'
Williamson flushes Sunak's head down toilet
Sydalg
Airbnb guests can opt out of being filmed by owners' hidden cameras
Britain "could export its ice to North Pole and save glaciers"
Throngsman
ITV launch new game show - Jump Off A Cliff
Teacher finally concludes whose time was wasted
Royal Mail strikes postponed over problems with postal ballot
Shapps plans to build wind turbines in space
Walter Eagle
Newsbiscuit generously opens borders to flood of Twitterian migrants
Wrenfoe
8 billionth child is born to the same couple in Gateshead
Annoying climate activist moderately less annoying than global extinction
Celeb returns to twitter to see if their flounce worked
Genealogist reveals all your ancestors are dead
Man offers his letterbox as a replacement for Twitter
MrBeast passes PewDiePie as name likely to confuse your Gran
Starmer & Sunak rush to complete poppy side-quest
Starmer: 'We cannot afford to clap for nurses'
UK to fix broken asylum system, once it stops breaking it
Walliams: 'I'm more of a national treasure than Savile!'
Tickers - AKA Headlines
Adrian Bamforth
Removal of mini
Bounty Bar from Celebrations provokes mutiny
apepper
Deal on metric
system inches closer
Government admits
future of country depends on John Lewis Christmas Advert
Chrisf
Egg chucked at King
Charles was first in line to be thrown
Deskpilot3
139 complaints to
Ofcom that Coronation Street is still on
Aldi's latest store
is a near perfect copy of an M&S
Daily Mail demands
control of PMs diary
Elon Musk says
Twitter is firing on all cylinders
Faeces left at MPs
office - inside jobbie?
Holly and Phil
receive Glastonbury tickets numbered 1 and 2
Kamala Harris
lookalike is a veep fake
King Charles
stand-ins to include Edward, Anne and Rory Bremner
Latest census
reports massive reduction in the number of Jedi
New BBC show for
young animal activists - Blue PETA
Turnip wins turnip
prize
US senate election
race is neck and redneck
World cup: Qatar
gets extra time. Fifty years should do it
Docholiday
Smallpox now to be
called vertically challenged pox
Swan Vesta worried
business will go up in smoke if employees strike
Twenty stone man
can't afford to stay overweight
dominic_mcg
Unidentified item
in bagging area still has experts baffled
Woman you've never
heard of pulls out of TV programme you don't watch
ian searle
Joe Jackson finally
discovers she wasn't really going out with him
Jack the Quipper
England team
anxious playing in front of crowd sober enough to realise how crap they are
Waste methane to be
used to power wind farms
jim Skinz
As net migration
soars, Suella Braverman says: “We’re gonna need a bigger net”
Cop27 says thanks
for the anonymity but he prefers to be known as Dave the policeman
David Beckham vows
to “take the fee” at the start of every World Cup match
Man who lived in
Paris airport for 18 years now boarding at heaven’s gate
Joanne Starkie
You’re not a
celebrity but you are getting out of here’ chief whip tells Hancock
King Chucky Egged
Lockjaw
14-year-old boy
worried he may be subject to emissions tax
Elon Musk
considering Walmart dismissal process
MADJEZ
Football fans thank
Qatar rulers for saving them from drinking Budweiser
Qatar: England fan
whose armbands were confiscated, tragically drowns in hotel pool
Mick Turate
Fans warned that
watching too much football on TV can cause qataracts
Rishi Sunak
announces U-turn over I'm A Celebrity attendance
Midfield Diamond
Teetotal football
Trump vows to ‘Make
Americans Gullible Again’
Modelmaker
Bob Marley's One
Love becomes latest football crowd chant
Covid campaigners
battle with climate activists over best way to tell Matt Hancock he's a c**t
Latest JCB
described as ground breaking
Walmart manager
demonstrates that returned gun wasn't faulty after all
Oshaughnessy
Police charge man
who broke into UK battery firm
Poundland forced to
change name to OnePoundThreePenceland
Tube workers refuse to walk out and take
the escalators instead
Ragmans Trumpet
Cluedo cards solve
Lord Lucan mystery: Col. Mustard in the kitchen with a lead pipe
Cryptocurrency firm
FTX is FKD
Ireland’s ‘Best
Skin Doctor’ award goes to Dr Dermot O’Logical
Larry the cat says
Gavin Williamson put him in a bin
Man who shoved
stolen sausages up his a*se grilled by police
Man who stole
fireworks by shoving them up his a*se has been let off by police
Man who took herbs
from police canteen and binned them is charged with wasting police thyme
World Dog Sh*tting
Championship: Great Dane says a big win is in the bag
ron cawleyoni
King of Beers
unhappy with King of Qatar
Qatar World Cup -
Sticks In Your Throat
Uruguay 0 v 0 South
Korea, Men of The Match..Kim
Sketchly
Tired of comments
on his short trousers, Rishi Sunak invests in a pair of wellingtons
SteveB
Lewd, Rude,
Blarney, McCrude, Mouthberk, Dribble and Grubby
Oxford Dictionary
word of the year voted as clusteromnifuckshambles
Sydalg
Charles should only
be pelted with swans' eggs, says royal protocol expert
Man fitted with new
genitals still getting the hang of them
Throngsman
8 billionth child
born - Boris denies responsibility
Titus
Barber with a blunt
razor throws a strop
Chinese police beat
up British TV cameraman 'for his own protection'
Enquiry into Möbius
strip criticised for being one-sided
Ill-tempered rice
farmer finds himself in a paddy
Low-cost,
super-safe, not-too-loud bonfire party dismissed as a firewoke display
Nazir Afzal denies
that his report on the London fire brigade was incendiary
Walter Eagle
"No
beer." says Qatar. "Don't worry, we're still selling Budweiser."
Will
Met Police Chief -
"Some Coppers are bastards"
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