Writer of the Month February 2024
Deskpilot continues his fantastic run, however longer running competitors will recall the Wren rule, suggested by Wrenfoe in the early days of this competition when he was winning on a monthly basis, that a person cannot win two months running. On that basis stewartbarclay is nominated Writer of the Month. Congrats to everyone who had anything published in this elongated February, however.
As usual the cartoon of the month follows the hyperlinks to the successful subs and is above the full ticker list.
apepper
Man desperate for condoms "heartbroken" by 3 week pharmacist appointment
Number of Tory factions now exceeds number of MPs
'Popular Conservatives' faction to split
Sunak removes whip from Enoch Powell
Survey shows 'loads of people' are statistically challenged
benvoleo
cara
Channel 4 Announces New Reality Show: Don't Tell the Mother
Chipchase
Choir Wars: The Chorus Strikes Back
Danny Soz
'Feral' Pack of Dog Walkers Savage Pitbull Terrier
Deskpilot
Another famous soap star has died
Benefits to be paid in vegetables
Berwick-on-Tweed plagued by booze cruises
Blockbuster movie to be filmed in a single day
Chancellor’s budget briefing confirms that difficult decisions lie ahead
Health tips with Dr Michael Muesli
Lib Dems caught in custard-to-landfill scandal
Satan shocked by Post Office actions
Tom Hartley to be fast-tracked to cricketing failure
eppursimuove
All of Birmingham and Tower Hamlets awful, residents confirm
Britain’s nuclear deterrent “can only reach Isle of Wight”
Experts identify secret of Reform Party’s success
Joe Biden '100% fit to be re-elected Prime Minister of Belgium'
NHS to recruit dentists with screenings of "Marathon Man"
N. Ireland Assembly breaks up in acrimonious tea/coffee row
Republic of Ireland seeks veto over unification
Sunak wonders if he could dispose of Starmer in gulag
Hokeyloki
If you go down in the woods today...
Tories to extend voting franchise to the dead
Humpenscrump
Poet denies profiteering in run up to Valentine’s Day
jbpage
Donald Trump's legal team working closely with Reform UK
Tories concede they have run out of things to break
jeremynh
GPs urged to put 'drink poison' advice on their surgery answerphones
"Parliament is for us, not you" sneer Britain’s MPs
Post Office to reduce prison deliveries to only three times a week
Post Office unveils flawless new computer system
Jim Skinz
Archaeologists discover sub-human creature called Lee Anderthal
Jobo
Student returns home penniless and jobless
Lockjaw
Pepys' Diary: the King's health
Song for Gaza: B-B-B-Benji and his jets
The Tory Songsters: snatches from Bohemian Rhapsody
Your month's horoscope by Hermes Trismegistus
McDabble
Man calls 999 to report himself folding the washing incorrectly
Threat to U.S. national security is National Security Threat, says U.S.
Modelmaker
Senior police officer demoted after traces of villain’s testicle DNA found on his boots
Tories panic as Minister for Fairy Tales goes missing
Newsbiscuit
BBC announces new TV channel for the very old – CeeSeniors
Concerns grow about ultra processed politicians
Kier Starmer withdraws support for himself
Rejected Valentine’s Day poems
Valentine’s Day relationship test subverted by big business
stewartbarclay
Britain’s nuclear deterrent now a firm finger wagging
British Royal speaks out against senseless killing, VAR intervenes
British sports fans ready to enjoy 58 Superb Owls
Gaza sends thoughts and prayers to Rochdale
Hunt & Sunak: 'You bet it’s a recession! Woo hoo!'
Lee's 'not a racist', except yes, yes he is
Musk implants neural chip, denies it’s for evil
Sunak to open a book on King's cancer prognosis
Trump trainers designed for running away from legal problems
Woman buys house, lives in house, sells house, Tories furious
SteveB
Church window was 'stained from the inside'
Did a woman die of or with laughter?
Explosive situation in Devon diffused by putting jam on first
Most 'no-go' areas are Tory donor country estates where everyone will be shot
Nation plunged into crisis as tens of ribbons may go uncut
Results of next month's fair and democratic Russian elections announced by Putin
Toilet paper quality going down the tube
Tory MP won't let the harmless truth stand in the way of a good lie
Sully
‘Not enough wars’ say arms manufacturers
Throngsman
Essex man misses the end of Dry January
Historians outraged that GPs can retrain as Historian Associates
If you can't get a pharmacist appointment - try eBay, says PM
wardhazy
Whatever happened to Dan Dare?
Wrenfoe
Biden: 'I remember fake moon landings just fine'
Daily Express: Meghan gives Charles cancer
Dog denies relationship with Ian Austin
Even Trident missile thinks nuclear war is stupid
Laurence Fox hunting to be banned
MumsNet still not talking about nets
Scriptwriter says Rishi Sunak is not canon
Speaker to resign from being a cowardly arse
US Election to be decided by 50 States of Grey
Cartoon of the month
If Railway lines were renamed in t'North, like down in that there Londun by Lockjaw
Headlines
apepper
Airfix modeller struggling with the transfer window
Pope tested as neighbour buys devastatingly attractive ox
Trump denies losing mind "it's definitely around here
somewhere"
Waddingtons deny Monopoly has no-go areas
Ashbery
Dior urges Macron to increase level of luxury goods aid in
Gaza
Enthusiastic monarchists begin queuing for next royal
funeral
bigbadbob
Bored fairground ride worker says life is going in circles
England cricket team return to form
Navy suffers from embarrassing projectile dysfunction
Overworked journalists ask Tories for just one scandal at a
time
Popular Conservatives even less popular than actual
Conservatives
Tory bye bye elections
Trump quiet during hush money hearing
Deskpilot3
Barber gives stroppy client a clip round the ears
Biden's opening bid at bridge? Won, no trump
Chancellor to raise taxes to fund tax cuts
Charles ill
Deads Army
Drone pilot goes above and beyond
Harry ruled out as possible organ donor
Hermit orders contactless debit card
Inconsistent draughts player has checkered career
Kier Starmer's favourite Christmas movie? Claus 4
Lindsay Hoyle not a smart speaker
Lindsay Hoyle: 30,000 dead Palestinians not worth an
emergency debate
Mobile baker can't stop his windscreen icing up
Politician denies decisions were political
Priest can't accept substantiation of trans
Pulping companies eagerly await copies of Liz Truss's new
book
Shamima Beglum
William wants to end the fighting in the Middle East - and
SW1
docholiday
Latest advice to Sub postmasters - Don't all get on the same
plane together
dominic_mcg
Musk denies having Neuralink chip on his shoulder
ian searle
Holly and Phil spotted heading for Westminster Hall with
rolled up sleeping bags
'My memory is fine' - Biden tells coat rack
Plymouth to donate World War Two bomb to Ukraine
Taylor Swift truly grateful to discover Eamonn Holmes
wouldn't date her
Trawler men admit net zero isn't working for them
Jack the Quipper
"I remember when all this were buildings" says
Gazan grandfather
Navalny felt unwell after walk to clifftop, prison officials
say
Trump a shoe-in for President
Jim Skinz
Commuting balloonist is getting above his station
Failed pop star says he's bored hitless
Sci-fi meets suburbia in epic blockbuster Terry And Dune
jobo
Audiologists earmarked for redundancies
Cockney atheist can’t Adam an Eve it
Nuclear powered watch not a wind up, says inventor
Pressure off Met as they play the Thames excuse
Lockjaw
Handbags at dawn on the soccer pitch
Lockjaw
Steve Wright in the afterlife
MADJEZ
Putin states Navalny accidentally brutally cut his own head
off while combing his hair
mcdabble
Atheist Muslim asylum seekers become Christian Atheists.
Buckinghamshire youth unimpressed by boring sinkholes
Green belt loosened
House sparrow condemned for failing to tweet in support of
Palestine
Leading Vegetarian accused of Salamiphobic tweets
Ozone Layer accused of Massive Cover-Up
Ukraine rejects French offer of troops - 'Thanks, but we
want to fight and win'
Midfield Diamond
Monkey recaptured before Hartlepool death squad find it
Modelmaker
"Sturgeon harvested my tears before Covid Inquiry
attendance" says crocodile
BT Tower hotel conversion promises to have fantastic
reception
Business Select Committe disappointed to see Alan Bates
standing in for Toby Jones
Councils told to be aware of their legal obligations in run
up to election
Eric Idle forced to remake Rutles All You Need is Cash
Halting acid and alkali attacks will be litmus test for
Sunak government
Netanyahu sets up Frontières Sans Médecins
Oshaughnessy
PALACE LATEST: The King's benign enlarged prostrate first in
line for the throne
rogerg
Keir Starmer finally declared lead free
Scribbles
Man found guilty of overusing commas is told to expect a
very long sentence
sinnick
Piers Morgan's entire career revealed to be deepfake
Sir Lupus
Sunak apologies for trans joke after Piers Morgan dares him
to
Sketchly
Chaos as engineer forgets to switch off HS2 tunnel digger
Labour leader steps out of his glass house for a moment
NHS to introduce waiting list waiting list
SteveB
'Aim for the stars' Oscars sniper told
Spiv in pub lifts spirits
Teachers astonished to learn they only do 26 hours unpaid
overtime a week
stewartbarclay
Putin to release autobiography entitled 'If I did it'
Titus
Trump promises to 'make Russia great again'
Will
PM To Police: Conservative Party descending to Mob rule
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