WOTM April 2022
First, apologies to those who gave up sleep waiting for the latest results - I had a long delayed wake to attend to last night so I'm a little behind the drag curve.
Next, congratulations to stewartbarclay who has been a consistent subber for some time now. The might Wren came close and chrisf hasn't been too tardy, either.
As usual the cartoonist of the month competition is below the links to the FP, NiB and features and the full list of tickers is below them.
apepper
Chancellor makes all taxes optional
'Elon Musk offers to buy "100% of Twitter for $43bn" or "200% for $86bn"
Imaginary friend distances himself from Johnson
Musk bans anyone who disagrees with his free speech policy from Twitter Outcry as government to send refugees to Huddersfield
Chipchase
'As Easter temperatures soar new report says Britain's seaside destinations are still shite
Decency and Credibility announce total split from Johnson's administration
Grayling drafted in to settle P&O dispute
Johnson to be accompanied by a circus clown during all future TV and media
Johnson will give an identical answer to every question he's asked going forward
Rees-Mogg embroiled in 'office stove fuel row' with cabinet colleagues and civil servants
'Samaritans.Org calls on TV producers to stop commissioning dark psychological serials
ChrisF
6 things to look forward to on your Facebook community group this Easter
Everything is a a bit like Jesus, confirms parish priest
''Foraged, crafted and hand-selected': 7 annoying restaurant menu descriptions
Greatest mystery of Easter revealed to be 'Man's interest in snooker'
NewsBiscuit Grand National form guide
'Respond at your convenience' - decoding subtle work emails
Shopkeeper from Mr Benn to offer corporate training service
Dogular
Hilarious new Theatresports game released globally: Transnistria Denial
'Russian warship spontaneously combusts
Danny Soz
Besieged Ukrainian Townspeople to Hold Vigil For Bruce Willis
I've been a sub-dom non-tax paying UK citizen for thirty years, says Jacob Rees-Mogg
DavidH
Nanny declined invitations for Jacob to attend parties
Deskpilot3
Boris weighs resignation options
'Government consults on new ways to boost rail travel without actually asking anybody
Government to consult on new ways to boost rail travel
Dominic_mcg
Cosmonauts become nightmare flatmates on the International Space Station
Geoffrey Boycott to replace Imran Khan as Pakistani leader
Neighbours furious with NHS worker as it turns out he's a bit of an arse
FlashArry
Russian war-crimes "investigated by the wrong ICC"
Garibaldi
Jesus Only Given Two-Star AirBnB Rating
Gerontius
‘Everybody to be honoured for doing the job they are paid to do' says Government
Queen Elizabeth II shocked to find anybody in family has a brain
Tory MP defends awarding of Savile knighthood
Tory MP told he cannot take sombrero into Commons
Ukraine visit: Johnson ‘didn't realise there was a war on’
Lockjaw
Moscow claims Kabuthian craft from the Orion Spur crashed into Moskva
'People smugglers to charter P&O ferry
matthewrose10
'Changing Rooms team banned from Mariupol
Midfield Diamond
Appointment of independent football regulator referred to VAR
Booking business travel now officially more painful than childbirth
'Leg-crossing kilt wearers may distract at Highland Games
Modelmaker
'Man intrigued by square wombat poo, designs stool extrusion attachment
Met Police running low on fixed penalty notice supplies
Recently retired woman finally understands why she commuted for 50 years
Newsbiscuit
Boris Johnson 'no longer trusted' with sharp objects
Shock as nation thought C4 was already privatized
Newsbiscuit Editorial Team
'Riots up north as cost of filling up the Bentley rises to over £5000
Not Amused
If The Sun isn't the centre of your universe then you're a moaning snowflake
Sarah Tipper
Hot Cross Buns Surprised to Find Themselves Being Cheese and Onion Flavour
Sir Lupus
'Twitter launches bid to buy Elon Musk
SteveB
Cosmic anomaly causes sudden availability of breakfast only McMuffins at teatime
Damian Green still trying to impress colleagues with massive stash of porn
Government policy now entirely inspired by what is written on Arsenal shirt
Government to conduct urgent national inquiry into 'Who stole my f*cking sandwiches?'
stewartbarclay
Everyone relieved ‘Macron’ isn’t somehow French for ‘le Sword’
'Everything changes but poo - Snowdon's stra-turd-gy for growth
Government advice - save on your fuel bills by burning elderly, unwanted relatives
Johnson only visited Kyiv to scope out local tax laws
LGBT + Boris = a predictable shitshow
News outlets to only tell truth on April Fool’s Day
No Westminster misogyny for hussies or strumpets
The Peacock of Poppycock duplicates his duplicity
Tories to fully fund Tory Conversion Therapy
Welby to smite Johnson 'with great vengeance and furious anger'
Sydalg
'Great turning points in history and how things might have gone the other way
Suburban Dad
'Musk 'absolutely not going to big-up crypto, no way. Well, maybe a little bit..'
testuser
Elon Musk buys #EveFartlow for $44bn
Throngsman
Fake reviews to be illegal - but suppressed reviews by the Met is OK
Government to replace red tape with red, white and blue tape
Johnson looking for donor to pay his fine
Queen's covid response indicates the virus can jump species again
Russia complains Ukraine 'isn't playing fair'
San Francisco cops stopping self drive car disappointed they had no-one to beat up
Vladimir Putin nominated for Nobel Peace Prize
Titus
Musk Introduces Writerless Tweets
Will
Goth News: Nothing Funny About Current World Situation
Wrenfoe
Chancellor: If only I was able to change the tax laws
Hadron Collider re-calibrated to detect Boris’s integrity
'Is Rwanda in Wales?' Your migration questions answered
'Jesus angry that his chocolate egg much smaller than the box
Labour in favour of Will Smith smacking your children
'MP accused of making porn during PMQs
Riots as US runs out of bullets
Some war crimes are more 'crimey' than others
UK denies previous moon landings
UK to import executions from Saudi Arabia
Woman fearful that she maybe as dumb as politicians think she is
Cartoons
The Cartoons editor Lockjaw, who again has posted a huge amount of cartoons this last month, has recused himself from being chosen as cartoonist of the month (COTM), but has agreed to cast the vote for the winning cartoon.
The nominations are:
Danny Soz
Kiddies Korner
helenrushworth
Grooming product for Bojo
Modelmaker
A challenge to PM's
comments
An unfortunate
accident
Bad hair day
Car spotting
Conversation in
Parliament Square
Elon Musk buys
Twitter to promote his stand up comedy routine
English cricket
captain seeks advice from his mates
From Shepherd's
Bush to Ukraine
From the care home
Labour candidates
for Uxbridge and South Ruislip arrive for interview
Opportunity knocks
Putin gets advice
Sainsburys
shareholder distraught at price reduction
Scientist's dilemma
The reason why
birds of a feather flock together
Today in parliament
Waiting for the
nukes
What a dog would say
if it could talk
SteveB
DeMOCKracy
Full and sincere
apology from the entire government
Musical Riposte:
pork swords banned from fencing
Patriotically screwing Brits over and looting the nation
And the winner is...
Modelmaker, with 'An unfortunate accident
Tickers
Adrian Bamforth
Protesters express their opposition to Elon Musk's aquisition of Twitter in series of angry tweets
camz
Queen tweaks Government titles: 'Crime Minister' & 'Chancer of the Exchequer
charlies_hat
Westwood's career goes Pete Tong
Deskpilot3
Boris suggests
Ministerial code is more what you'd call 'guidelines' than actual rules
Britney Spears and
Adele to feature on Britains Got Talent
Jacob Rees-Mogg
demands that Civil Servants go back to wearing bowler hats
Priti Patel admits
that Rwanda policy will be dumped after the May council elections
Putin celebrates
capture of millions of tonnes of rubble
dominic_mcg
Bruce Willis gives
up acting but will still star in Die Hard 6
It was Fabricant in
a different wig, says Johnson
Johnson denies
fathering any children during Kyiv visit
Porngate MP named:
it’s the name of his first pet and the name of the street he lived on as a
child
Refugees to be sent
to Rwanda, or as Easyjet calls it, Dover - South
'Soft robot' made
of magnetic slime is not Michael Gove, says PM
Granger
Johnson! That's all we need, says Zelensky
Jim Skinz
All guidance was followed at the Last Supper, insists Judas
Lockjaw
Dorries chairs C4 Countdown
Durex having problems with inflation and stiff competition
MADJEZ
Children warned
against smoking as Eastenders actress tragically dies aged just 95
Parliamentary Standards
Committee investigate as one MP claimed £12,000 in tissue
Prince Harry will
stand with Ukraine... or Russia (whoever pays $5m first)
This years Aintree
Ladies Day theme is 'Hookers in Hats'
Mick Turate
Laundrettes close
early as a mark of respect
RT offers to buy
Channel 4
oshaughnessy
Kremlin psychopath: cluster bombs. No.10 sociopath: cluster f*cks
Sir Lupus
France "fires spy chief for war failings" 82 years late
SteveB
Daily Express fails
to inform readers about how Lady Di would have reacted to Will Smith's slap
Snowflake apple farmer
told to grow a pear
Woman discovers
only hotel bar on TripAdvisor which Hemingway never got pissed in
stewartbarclay
Accountants hung
over following New Tax Years Eve party
Mr Benn puts on his
final costume
National Insurance
hike barely enough to pay PM's fines
Sydalg
Absent-minded sadomasochist Tory MP loses party whip
Throngsman
Increase nursery
size so all my kids can meet up, suggests Johnson
Johnson banned from visiting donors
Increase nursery
size so all my kids can meet up, suggests Johnson
Titus
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