Writer of the Month January 2022
First competition of the New Year and ChrisF has romped home by a country mile. To be fair, Ian Searle in second place has scored 25 of his 27 points with headlines! Due to technical difficulties with the chat room I've put all the ticker data and the result of the Cartoonist of the month competition below the leader board and sub links.
apepper
Shops clear empty shelves to make space for new batch ofmissing goods
Book world in shock as study claims Dumbledore and Gandalfare one and the same person
Mick and Keef share thoughts on The Rolling Stones 60thanniversary commemorative stamps
Rees-Mogg announces the publication of a new weekly pamphletin support of Johnson
Toff's shock as court ruling gives green light to cruising commoners (newsbiscuit.com)
Winston Churchill to go on tour to give Britain 'our best
booster yet' says Johnson
Chrisf
10 phrases from workplace meetings that still make youshudder
5 productivity hacks you might as well admit you'll never
master
6 New Years' resolutions you'll fail to keep again
Downing Street parties now dominant strand of Johnsonincompetence
Driving laws that remain unchanged for 2022
Men confirm plans to eat absolutely loads of bread
New TV show promises to declutter your declutter programmes
PM refurbishment: Johnson now accused of 'papering over the
cracks' of shite leadership
Relief after 'big beast' metaphor saved from near-extinction
Team huddles and sandpits - which face-to-face workplacemeetings are you dreading the most?
Dan.F
Deranged Tory whip holds MP's family hostage
Keir Starmer decides best way to distinguish Labour from theTories is to recruit their defecting MP
“We must wait for outcome of the Sue Gray inquiry,” insistsaged Boris Johnson to nursing home staff
Deskpilot3
Many households now depend on free newspapers to stay warm
Dogular
Harder to vaccinate Russians against COVID than Ukrainians against NATO, says Putin
Dominic_mcg
Scooby Doo Gang to investigate Downing Street parties
Eimeardonnelly
Ukraine invasion speculation a convenient distraction from Partygate, claims Putin
FlashArry
Boris Johnson "now a role model for snarky
teenagers"
MoD to be funded by new Firework Tax
Frank Optional
Conservatives to replace Boris Johnson with cardboard cutoutof Roger Moore
Exhausted Boris Johnson plans short holiday in his office
Pile of rubbish on roundabout set to close
Sir David Attenborough has loud piercing laugh 'like cat
full of marbles'
Sue Gray breaks official world record for longest printerjam
Thousands need hospital treatment after lockdown injuries
UK Government finds huge amount of coins down the back of a
massive sofa
Gerontius
'Big Dog has shit on the carpet once too often’ says Tory donor
Pig receives genetically modified heart from former Tory MP
‘Suitcase actually contained dismembered body of a journalist’ insists Tory grandee
Humpenscrump
Boris Johnson admits attending the Catalina Wine Mixerduring lockdown
Ian Searle
Call for Prime Minister to be redefined as 'user not legally
accountable'
jeremynh
Greased pig outlines his two-pronged wheeze for wriggling free
Johnson ‘too hungover’ to attend Prince Philip’s funeral
after massive session the night before
Lockjaw
Antipodean entrepreneur in talks to buy the BBC
oshaughnessy
Appeal launched to save Boris' skin for a grateful nation
Despite new rules Audi drivers promise to carry on ignoringthe Highway Code
Djokovic attended Downing Street lockdown party claimwitnesses
Drinkers furious over shortage of lager flow tests
Man declares 2022 already worse than 2021 after jamming swabtest up left nostril
Matt Hancock’s mate from down the pub to run the BBC
Melting ice in Downing Street champagne buckets linked to risingsea levels
Storm Cummings causes massive blackouts in the sunlituplands
Terminator arrested on suspicion of dangerous driving
Paul L
Passenger's claim of decent onboard train wi-fi being looked into
ron cawleyoni
Why Do Only Fools and Prime Ministers Smirk!
Sarah Tipper
Surprise gifts now all in charity shops
Sir Lupus
#Colston4 still guilty of lookingannoying
1 in 9 US bridges unsafe forTrolls
1922 Committee meet to discussPrince Andrew
An infinity pool is just an overfull pool, right?
BBC alienates last remainingviewer
Chinese Spy Ring infiltrated byuseless MPs
Covid excited about first day atnew school
Djokovic is seen clicking his
heels together & repeatedly saying 'There's no place like home'
Glacier to split for artisticdifferences
Next Dr. Who/James Bond shortlistdown to 50 million
Russia War is a small price topay if we get to keep Boris
Starmer to relaunch theTitanic... again
The Cartoons editor Lockjaw, who has posted a huge amount of cartoons this last month, has recused himself from being chosen as cartoonist of the month (COTM), but has agreed to cast the vote for the winning cartoon.
The nominations are:
Beau-Jolly
Chrisf
Danny Soz
Politics
and you
dominic_mcg
SteveB
Downing
Street Blues
Harsh
sanctions at Number 10
Sincere
apology to a red wall
Welcome to
Sunlit Uplands.
And the winner is:
dominic_mcg
Ticker List
Al O'Pecia
Farage insists synagogue siege
could not have been ended if we were still in the EU
Farage World's Newest Tennis and
Covid Expert
Farmers to be paid for being Tory
Johnson backs End of the Peer
Show
Nobody told me I was Prime
Minister, claims Johnson
Truss delighted that UK terrorist exports are "on the rise"
apepper
"Witness being paid $500,000 definitely makes me look innocent" - Prince Andrew
Chrisf
Blair Ditch Project
Deskpilot3
BBC expresses its full and
continuing support for Mrs Brown's Boys
Distant relatives trapped in
spare bedroom as Christmas row about Monopoly rules rages on
Dominic Cummings delivers on
levelling up for Barnard Castle
Lighthouse lantern theft - police
still in the dark
Meghan refuses £1 coin in damages
payment, as it's got the Queen's head on it
Morrisons to label milk: Don't
use if lumpy
PM grateful to leave the country.
Even if it is to visit Ukraine
Romesh Ranganathan to get his own
TV channel
Sue Gray's report to be published
in twelve volumes
Trapped office worker lived off
keyboard crumbs for three months
Vaccination centres ask Boris if he could stay away and let them get on with it
dominic_mcg
Assange denies he is about to
publish Sue Gray's report
Johnson: I've seen no evidence of
black males in the Conservative Party
Man trapped in lift with Michael
Gove expected to make a full recovery
Novak Djokovic favourite to win
the Isle of Wight Open
Sir David Attenborough to be a
key witness in "lizards don't sweat" trial
York residents petition the Queen for a new Duke
Frank Optional
Joni Mitchell banned by Spotify for spreading misinformation about "tree museums"
Ian Searle
Boris Johnson no longer requires a polygraph test to check if his pants are on fire.
Ian Searle
Brigadoon has more chance of
showing up than Sue Grays's report.
Carrie Johnson to be charged with
'Assault and Battenberg'
Challenging weeks ahead, PM
says... And that's just him reading the Autocue.
Deliveroo extends service from
food to include psychos.
Dinosaur discovered in nature
reserve actually new Covid variant
Djokovic not worried about
canceled visa as soon he wont be able to use it on Amazon
Dry January my a&%*! It's
tipping it down outside.
Fears grow as Putin stockpiles
Colin The Caterpillar's on Ukraine border
Guppy to return favour to Boris
with MPs who won't toe the line
Hermits reject calls to reduce
self-isolation
If you thought inflation was bad,
wait until you find out your company is planning Away Days again!
International travel is easier
from today, all you have to do is become a World Tennis Champion
Henson's Creature Workshop denies
producing Michael Fabricant
Johnson self isolating after
coming into contact with someone who tells the truth
Lying is the new truth
Magic Bean prices fall to lowest
in months according to Jack the Giant Killer
Man claims he shouldn't go to
trial, as he is clearly one of those mentioned in a previous trial
Novak Djokovic free to take over
the leadership of the Tory Party
Old Kent Road apologises to
Mayfair for collecting £10 from every player at Birthday party.
Sheriff of Nottingham assured by
Robin Hood that no laws had been broken
Sue Gray's report to be published
today - Cat's Protection League on high alert
The Andrew Formally Known as
Prince
Van-Tam, thank you Ma'am
Winner of the 180 million year BC ichthyosaur Hide and Seek contest declared in Rutland.
Jim Skinz
Downing Street organises BYOP45 party for Johnson
MADJEZ
New Years Honour for man who squirts Covid through Keir Starmer's letterbox once a fortnight
Micca
PM thought being party leader meant being at head of the conga
Midfield Diamond
Novax Djokovic
Modelmaker
Johnson waiting for Tory donor to stump up the cost of a removal van before he resigns
Plans for Great Exhibition 2 downgraded to Punch and Judy show on Brighton beach
oshaughnessy
Game, set and match as court
serves highly strung tennis moron with deportation papers
Massive street work events
planned for Queen's jubilee
Resignation from golf club not
Prince Andrews' only problem with a hole-in-one
UK celebrates spread of Omicron with massive fireworks display
Paul L
Concern for old pair of trousers as tailors confirm them to be on their last legs
robowurzel
King of mumbo jumbo decries anti-vax mumbo jumbo
ron cawleyoni
Adele shows Prime Minister how to
apologise
Germany warn invasion of Ukraine
by Russia is in the pipeline
PMs Birthday Party: The Great
British Cake Off
Pope Francis calls on BBC to erase all Animal Magic tapes
Sinnick
Downing Street staff to organise
leaving party for Johnson
Storm Eastenders expected on Tuesday, at 19:30
Sir Lupus
Covid isolation cut to 30 mins and a swig of Listerine
SteveB
50 evades of Gray
'It is right that Tony Blair
joins our esteemed rank of Knighthood' says Sir Philip Green
Johnson insists he didn't know he was in government
stewartbarclay
Man who sold the world also sells
back catalogue
NHS ought to be struggling, we've
been underfunding it for years say proud Tories
Tory MPs told 'Nice constituency. Shame if anything happened to it
Sydalg
German man arrested for singing through his arse believed to be the ringlieder
Throngsman
Royal Navy migrant role 'modelled
on the Hunger Games', admits government
Ten thousand men relieved to be relieved of their duties
Underconstruction
Prince regrets remembering
sleeping with Fergie
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