WOTM Aug 2021 final
Wren has done it again, pursued by SteveB and Stew Barclay. Some good solid efforts across the board - well done everyone. Links to FPs, NiBs and LAs below, tickers, as usual, in the chat room.
Adrian Bamforth
Locals celebrate after picture of c*ck and balls on church attributed to Banksy
apepper
Ear wax “endlessly fascinating” confirms Lancashire man
BangingOnAgain
£6m mound of dirt ‘absolute bargain’ confirm London’s 10k homeless
UK’s most popular holiday destination 2021 revealed: the M5 southbound
Thatcher posthumously awarded ‘inadvertent eco-warrior ’85’
Wedding guests bullied into giving cash not gifts with angry poem in invitation
‘We won’t let our kids have I-Pads’ and other hilarious plans of parents-to-be
Chipchase
Cowell bombshell as X Factor ‘binned for good’ by ITV over sick scam claims
DUP: ‘Away an catch yerselves on! We’re not irrelevantcrackpots, so we’re not!’
Shire police called as hobbit and orc violence erupts at Green Dragon pub
Chrisf
Coldplay documentary shelved after background music segments hit 12 hour mark
Man celebrates after beating ‘going the wrong way through Ikea’ world record
Post-event interviews with Olympians to include general knowledge round
Quirky gesture to camera to be compulsory for 2024 Olympians, organisers confirm
Dagular
Brazilian extinction advocate vacillates regarding own destiny
Danny Soz
‘Desperate for love’ London woman had torrid affair with robot vacuum cleaner
‘Desperate’ world health boffins seek guidance from Facebook headbanger
Local dog-walker ‘gutted’ after failure to stumble upon grisly murder scene
Queen Mother’s mummified stool sold for $9 million
Queen prefers Soviet national anthem to ours, says palace insider
Simon Cowell to be fired to the edge of space using his big trousers
Strictly bombshell: Farage to compete in first-ever male-crypto/fascist pairing
Syrian villagers send sympathy message to Brits unable to go on holiday
Deimos
Raab asks everybody to stop speculating about his resignation
Dominic_mcg
Gold medal-winning UK athlete forgets to cry during BBC interview
FlashArry
Bill and Ben sacked as PM’s speechwriters
Gerontius
‘Crime levels down for fourth consecutive month’ boasts Priti Patel
Ian Searle
Dulux to name a new paint colour in honour of Sky Brown.
Jeremynh
Desperate journalists stampede Wapping to denounce Biden
Russia wants its money back from British embassy traitor
Taxi drivers furious at being compared to the RNLI
Tories launch their latest sizzling summer of sleaze
UK travellers to be given advanced new ‘coin toss’ test for covid
Lockjaw54
Latin phrases in the modern idiom
Odysseus slams today’s travel whingers
Midfield Diamond
Degree in domestic recycling arrangements launched
Man shaves after concluding his lockdown beard is more Lineker than Clooney
Olympic committee set to invent ever more ludicrous cycling events
MzWibble
Education minister proposes adding spells to national curriculum.
Journalism in crisis as interviewed journalist fails to follow convention
West needs to rethink policy on Islamic extremism, say tanked thinkers
Newsbiscuit Editorial Team
Bin collections to switch to once a year
DDoS activists ‘think they are so funny’
Man who closed the sea defends Dominic Raab
nickb
Charlie Watts ‘drove London bus’ throughout Stones career
oshaughnessy
Nasa confirm Bezos & Branson are first men to reach the complete waste of space
Taliban forbid all forms of music apart from the Stones
Ragmans Trumpet
Man dumps woman over inspirational wall art
Robowurzel
Premier League refs to allow more physical play.
World leader Constantine III issues warning on troop withdrawal
Sinnick
Home Office to retain covid measures “just in case”
SteveB
Airline under fire for duct taping a passenger, switches to Pritt Stick policy
Boris hears eerie voice whispering, “if you build it, they will come”
Can’t-be-arsed UK government asks public to stick forks in their own eyeballs
Cat’s anus accidentally writes number one best-seller
Parents relieved: grades of privately educated cherubs can be bought after all
Rich white men in suits still the most deadly thing on the planet
Traffic lights on UK roads to have 50 shades of amber
stewartbarclay
Brexit chokes the chicken supply chain
Johnson to ring Sturgeon’s doorbell then run away
Man admits object is ‘heavy’ and not ‘just awkward’
Planet not on fire say fossil fuel fans
Progressive Daily Telegraph to showcase brunettes’ brain
Sunak reminds everyone it’s important to be rich already
Sunner
Britain leaves Eurovision song contest while Australia applies to join EU
TheNewsWalrus
Hopes fading for Kabul Wetherspoons
Throngsman
A level grades to be replaced with assessment of wealth and colour of skin
Dominic Raab planning to invade Europe from his li-lo
UK leading way to reduce fossil fuels by making more people poorer – Johnson
WatcherMark
Wrenfoe
AI can diagnose dementia just by asking for your email’s ‘memorable word’
Just for 5 minutes you can dream that Messi will join your club
Ken Loach expelled from Labour Party for calling Keith, ‘Keith’
M&S to stop selling suits, almost 20 years after it sold its last one
Prince Andrew appointed trade envoy to Love Island
Schools needing a CO2 monitor to be provided with a canary
Terry Pratchett ‘never liked fantasy’ says journalist who never read his books
We’ll give up everything to save Earth – except cars, planes, meat, etc
Were you mis-sold a PFI or WMD by Tony Blair? You may be due some compensation
Where were all these ‘experts’ on Afghanistan twenty years ago?
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