WOTM October 2020 final
If it wasn't for the dratted Wren Rule, Wren would have been this month's winner again, but the rule stands. To be fair, Dom has given all of us a run for our money this month and is a clear and justified winner of the coveted virtual mug. DavidH, Mirthless have made great travelling companions to myself in this competition, as have all the others who have had something posted this month.
Links to all the FPs, NiBs and LAs below the leader board and, as usual, the tickers are posted in the chat room.
Adrian Bamforth
Crisis deepens as Trump tests positive for karma
antharrison
School dinner ladies unexpectedly picked for Manchester United
apepper
Chaos as Trump’s hair taken to different hospital
Fans of Dr Kevorkian ready to ensure Trump never transmits covid again.
Relief sweeps world as billionaires fortunes reach record high
Chipchase
Fears grow for fly’s health after it lands on Mike Pence’s head
‘Naughty boy’ Williamson grounded indefinitely by angry parents
Trump hospitalised with ‘dangerous levels of smoke in his arse’
Trump: ‘so I got (gasp) covid? No way (wheeze) just fake nooze (hacking cough)’
Waitrose extend “autumn leaves” range to include dog poo and chewing gum
Wind from Johnson’s arse will power every home in the UK
Chrisf
Free school meals limited to Michaelmas, Lent and Trinity term dates say Tories
DavidH
Barnard Castle and seven other places northerners will go to large it up
Boris dispatches Bullingdon Club to f*ck Manchester up
Chancellor announces comprehensive support measures for Robert Jenrick
Covid positive minister fails to abuse restrictions
Nationalisation of Adele backfires
The North is in Tier 3. What other ways of not saying ‘lockdown’ can Boris use
Tier 5 would be free porn, government confirms
Deceangli
Human colony on Mars ‘still cheaper than London’
New virus rules to be based on Mornington Crescent
Nigel Farage to challenge Keir Starmer for Labour leadership
Deimos
Johnson makes face coverings mandatory for Zoom meetings
Dick Everyman
‘The Despair Shop’ returns on BBC1
Doctor Chutney
Hedgehogs prepared for yet another winter lockdown
Dominic_mcg
Braille porn discovered in textured kitchen rolls
Dancing On Ice may be about to sign up someone famous
Mother of sextuplets unsure if she can keep them all
Ozzy Osbourne tour cancelled or postponed or something like that
Rod Hull’s ghost to take over Brexit negotiations
Editor
Infectious car ride damages Trump’s Uber rating
Stonehenge to be dismantled after planning permission irregularities
Technical error caused omission of 16000 Boris babies
Filthy Rich
Ardern apologises as decent, fair campaign leads to landslide victory
Consternation as Raab almost, possibly, hints at finding some morals
Government reinstates free meals to stop deprived kids developing taste for quinoa
‘I was just saying how great crack dens and brothels are,’ insists Tory MP
Jacob Rees Mogg reminds everyone to turn their clocks back to the 17th century
Millions plead for full lockdown to avoid annual handover of homemade jam
‘Stop dicking about in my tent’ pleads neighbour from beyond the grave
Tories’ attempt to turn ‘virtual’ London Marathon to their advantage
FloraJardine
Canada aims to win the international Apology Olympic
Gerontius
Next covid press briefing ‘to be carried out suspended from zip wire’ reveal No 10
Ian Searle
Delay of new Bond film throws 2024 Christmas schedules into complete disarray
Milo Shame
Man survives feral film critics attack
Mirthless Evil C
Trump the musical; “Don’t Cry For My Strange Patina”
Myke
Banksy draws giant pussy on Peruvian hillside
PM tells northerners’ no more than six to a bed and do not share clogs’
Your simple guide to the three commonsensical tiers
Newsbiscuit Editorial Team
Keir Starmer warns of safety issues aboard The Titanic
Millions meant for covid marshals wasted on large bat-signal
Spurs thought they’d signed top knot Bale but accidentally get man bun Donaldo
nickb
New colour invented for Portillo trousers
Trump ‘to continue as President after death’ confirms White House
oshaughnessy
Australian Brexit will force indigenous cockneys from their ancient tribal lands
Comedy venue ‘The Tory Party’ given entire £1.57bn virus arts aid fund
National Fiasco memorial built in the wrong place
White House in turmoil after DNA test proves Trump is Chinese
Oxbridge
Greatest Generation apologises to Millennials for fathering Boomers
SteveB
All words containing E-U made illegal
Chaos as Brits rush out to stockpile electricity
UK passes law making all words containing E and U illegal
Sydalg
Living one day as lion not all it’s cracked up to be, says lion
Man pretends he has driverless car by camouflaging himself
Thatwasbeast
iphone 12 to come without headphones, charger or any physical properties
Theboyinthebubble
Gamers rate NHS Track and Trace a viral hit
Manchester hotspot: a recipe for disaster
Star crossed lovers fear it will end in tiers
TheNewsWalrus
Dame Judi Dench retrains as scaffolder
Tiers of a clown (sing a long version)
Throngsman
BBC tired of explaining what ‘SAGE’ stands for
God stops believing in Himself
Government blame Track and Trace failure on Microsoft Clippy
Government was only following the science ‘out of curiosity’
Quantum theory ‘screwed’ as cat emerges wiping cyanide from its whiskers
Second Presidential Debate to take place in the schoolyard
Snowdon climber admits he ‘probably didn’t need a deep sea suit’
‘World beating Track and Trace’ now available in the App Store
Titus
Academics accept that ‘110%’ now means ‘almost all’ of something
‘Man in the pub’ to lead new political party
Walter Eagle
Osborne latest name linked to BBC chairman’s role
‘Wot? Wasn’t me, I’ve not changed’ insists virus
Wrenfoe
Bushel receives staggeringly large electricity bill
Concern that Trump may have kissed Biden during debates
Correction; UK health app will be ‘egg’ beating, not ‘world beating’
Conspiracy against QAnon fuels conspiracy theory
Farage marries hijacked tanker
Jeffrey Toobin and Rudy Giuliani were just applying hand sanitizer gel
Robot invasion thwarted by captcha
Your five a day counts towards rule of six, government confirms
Zero evidence to suggest Northerners don’t’ wash their hands – but it sounds true
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