September 2020 Writer of the Month competition mid month

There's a ding dong battle at the top of the leaderboard, with Wren, Big O and SteveB slugging it out, with Dece, Mirthless and the current title holder all tying for a joint fourth position.  Should be interesting.




A.Mantra 

Seven mums who meet up on Monday waiting to discover who is the least popular

apepper 

Property boom as parents rush to move house while children are at school

Chipchase 

Shapps swaps three-point turn for U-turn in revamped driving test

Deceangli 

America’s population ‘too small’ to sustain high-quality presidential candidates

Bloke who agreed with Boris in the pub to become minister

Positive discrimination introduced for right-wing comedians

‘Some Mothers Do ‘ave ‘em’ criticised for anti-Tory bias

Widespread use of ‘do not resuscitate’ notices welcomed by the Shipman Society

Filthy Rich 

A&E admissions plummet following removal of the number ‘1’ from phone keypads

Diary extracts confirm Navalny poisoning suspects simply tea-loving tourists

Matt ‘Gollum’ Hancock bans Hobbits from besmirching his precious testses

‘Think’ Tank’s bold bid to create new jobs by donating hours from existing jobs

Uproar as King Boris reneges on Magna Carta

Welcome to your chaperoned future

FlashArry 

Government to introduce new quarantine randomiser

Milo Shame 

Covid infected kids can’t smell substitute teacher’s fear

Myke 

Privatised rescue service will offer special deals to drowning customers

Social gatherings restricted to one butt cheek or one elbow

Newsbiscuit Editorial Team 

Senior government lawyers consider if super injunctions can be broken in a ‘limited and specific way’

oshaughnessy 

BBC thought police order all staff to stop thinking nasty things about Boris

Madonna sues Leicester garment workers for constantly playing ‘Material Girl’

National Portrait Gallery turns all paintings to face the wall to combat virus

Stop thinking nasty things about Boris, BBC staff told

Squudge 

Mrs Johnson’s Boys to be BBC new comedy for 2020

SteveB 

New game show coming in your face called ‘how brazenly can we get away with shit?’

workers saving £££s working from home tell Boris to stick it up his ar$e

Plate is full, say sausages, as breakfastxit tensions explode

Suburban Dad 

God tries again with ‘hurricane fuck off Donald’

TheNewsWalrus 

British public to blame for ‘just about everything’

Mark Francois launches ‘Short Lives Matter’ campaign

Premier League to become giant game of table football

Trump reworks the Ten Commandments

Throngsman 

Covid restrictions to form backbone of next year’s A level maths paper

Vertically Challenged Giant 

NATO allies agree to tut and shake heads at Russia

Plane crashing into the ground ‘would still be a good outcome’, insists Boris

The Apprentice 2020 cancelled due to shortage of massive bellends

Walter Eagle 

Man unilaterally tears up agreement with HMRC

Wrenfoe 

Boris to split up with his new girlfriend before they even start dating

Groups of thirty illegal, unless you work in a school, casino or swinger’s party

Matt Hancock to promote Track & Trace through Friends Reunited

Post-coital cuddle goes on 30 seconds too long

Tony Abbott fails FA’s ‘fit and proper test’


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Welcome to the Unofficial Newsbiscuit Writer of the Month Competition

If you've strayed onto this blog please note it is being used to keep the monthly results of the Writer's competition run unofficially by myself on behalf of the contributors to the UK's foremost satire news site, Newsbiscuit .  Newsbiscuit was created and is supported by comic genius John O'Farrell to provide a place for aspiring and proven comic writers alike to work in.  This blog is not an official organ of Newsbiscuit and any errors or omissions are mine alone, If you want to get to Newsbiscuit itself (and who wouldn't) then click here . If you fancy having a stab at writing satire (or any form of humour) then the Writer's Room is here .  Please note you have to register with the website before you can contribute.  If you want to read the guidelines for writers, please click here . Most writers write under a pseudonym, partly to be mysterious, mainly to keep their reputations intact.  Top tip - choose a name that is short and, critically, easy for me
Read more

WOTM April 2023

Image
Well, Myke has only gone and done it again, and well deserved too as his Tucker Carlson sub is probably an all time high read sub on this version of NB!SteveB and Wren also gave a good go at the WOTM title. apepper Conservatives want people to stop talking about last 13 years billiclay Brexit saves Britain from Europe murder train Government Completely Changes the Meaning of the Word Exciting Mongers of the world after another thing to monger Putin looking at moving to a Bungalow Chipchase Camelot and Waitrose unveil new ‘prize partnership’ Fears grow for 80s something couple Ada and Stanley "missing" in Hollister Government named as sponsor for Ant & Dec's new show: "I'm a UK Diplomat... Get Me Out Of Here" Leicester man makes 7000 mile round-trip to collect Friday night curry Rev Green set to be freed as new evidence points to shocking miscarriage of justic e Stormzy moves to distance himself from Trump Chrisf Man inexplicably carrying round absolutely
Read more

WOTM May 2023

Image
Sully has stormed ahead this month, followed cautiously by SteveB and modelmaker.  New writer cara has come in at a credible fifth place.  As usual, links to all the FPs, NiBs and Features (AKA Left Alerts) below the leaderboard, followed by the cartoon of the month, then the ticker list, which contains Deskpilot's awesome 20 tickers amongst many others apepper Government celebrate as travel delays not caused by Brexit Public consider letting Penny Mordaunt continue as sole Conservative MP Benvoleo YouTuber accused of intentionally crashing plane headhunted for senior Government role billiclay Government creates new fear: Nano Boats Monopoly introduces Get out of Speeding Penalty Card TransPennine Express defend fluid timetables and non-binary concepts about arrival Cara Area man unveils covert method of ogling female co-workers Boys' Exposure to Romance Movies Starts at an Alarming Young Age, Reveals Study JK Rowling axes Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw from new adaptation; claims &q
Read more