WOTM June 2020
A three horse race at the top of the leader board, with Deceangli, VCG and SimonJJames slugging it out. The Big O is still a contender and SteveB is giving it a good shot while balancing the virtual mug. Links to FPs, NiBs and Left Alerts below the leader board
Adrian Bamforth
Contract-tracing app to use girl with fleas system
antharrison
Bargain Hunt participants only lose £67,000
Chipchase
Man claims lockdown and social distancing are “erosion of liberty”
Chrisf
Covid-19 is a ‘scaredy-cat’ running to its mummy for help, claims Hancock
chrisf, ron cawleyoni, SteveB, Max Stars, SimonJJames, Sir Lupus, Oxbridge, oshaughnessy, titus, Al Opecia, DavidH, Midfield Diamond.
And they’re off….Newsbiscuit’s guide to the restart of horse racing
CulchaVulcha
Monty Don denies damaging ‘new trousers’ rumour
DavidH
Churches to open despite two-metre distancing from Jesus
Deceangli
EDL to topple William Wilberforce statue ‘for balance’
Escalator killer says he only does it to piss off the CSI
JK Rowling writes “Harry Potter & the Shower Rape” following Radcliffe criticism
New cop double act: BJ and Cumbo
PR spin ‘relatively ineffective’ against lethal viruses, apparently
Trump fails Turing test
Vegan friends ‘not worth it’ say experts
Woman’s hairdo enters third day of negotiations
Gerontius
Make-up department ‘working flat out’ preparing Huw Edwards say BBC
Queen joins ‘black lives matter’ protest with early morning horse ride
KGA6
Trump declares war on ANTIFA and the Grenadiers
Woman cautioned over offensive Boris Johnson t-shirt
Midfield Diamond
IT sociopaths thoroughly enjoying lockdown
Newsbiscuit Editorial Team
White privilege is changing the TV scheduling and thinking you solved racism
nickb
Internet ‘nearly full’ – thousands donate SD cards, thumb drives.
Oshaughnessy
Archaeologists in Pompeii say lockdown message was confusing and unclear
Boris understands black people and asks them to pop over and smoke some weed
Man told to return to work despite losing ability to iron his own shirt
Oxbridge
Social distancing in schools ‘impractical’, warn bullies
PaulD
Fears Johnson now receiving advice from a sprig of sage
SimonJJames
Big Bread brutally stamping down on local breadmakers
Charity shops brace for deluge of all sort of random, useless shite
London’s burglars outline strict back to work measures
Nation begins slow recovery from prolonged exposure to own children
New director general to impartially accelerate and decelerate change at BBC
PM Johnson disappointed not to get a go on his riot water cannons
The Premier League is back! How have the teams been spending their lockdowns?
SteveB
Return of football tarnished by lack of ‘referee’s a wanker’ chanting
Throngsman
‘So I slept in a swimming pool, so what?’ says Cummings
Test and Trace team ‘disappointed’ at Alok Sharma diagnosis
Tonymc81
Government to release homeless back into wild
Vertically Challenged Giant
Black Lives Matter disbanded after man on twitter points out all lives matter
Government to implement extensive stable door closing programme “soon”
LBC replace Nigel Farage with Romanian and Bulgarian immigrant double act
Lost Amazonian tribe discovered living in Ikea
Mark Zuckerberg refuses to criticise Trump for sh*tting on his dining table
Men head outside to cook meat with fire
Reckless illegal gathering becomes fine as clock strikes midnight on May 31st
The A-Team criticise lack of furlough support for soldiers of fortune
‘This is what Churchill would want’ says protester kicking policeman
Trump insists he was only visiting the White House for an inspection
VickyRichards
“Eurgh, do i have to care about Black Lives Matter this week too?” Says activist
Wrenfoe
Far-right thugs start the football season early
Price of scrap bronze will plummet if UK removes all its racist statues
USA suffers serious shortage of unarmed people to kill
Zoos reopen – lions excited about 2 metre distancing
YaBasta
The growing waiting list for spine donors
Top brand seeks to recruit “head of boilerplate”
Adrian Bamforth
Contract-tracing app to use girl with fleas system
antharrison
Bargain Hunt participants only lose £67,000
Chipchase
Man claims lockdown and social distancing are “erosion of liberty”
Chrisf
Covid-19 is a ‘scaredy-cat’ running to its mummy for help, claims Hancock
chrisf, ron cawleyoni, SteveB, Max Stars, SimonJJames, Sir Lupus, Oxbridge, oshaughnessy, titus, Al Opecia, DavidH, Midfield Diamond.
And they’re off….Newsbiscuit’s guide to the restart of horse racing
CulchaVulcha
Monty Don denies damaging ‘new trousers’ rumour
DavidH
Churches to open despite two-metre distancing from Jesus
Deceangli
EDL to topple William Wilberforce statue ‘for balance’
Escalator killer says he only does it to piss off the CSI
JK Rowling writes “Harry Potter & the Shower Rape” following Radcliffe criticism
New cop double act: BJ and Cumbo
PR spin ‘relatively ineffective’ against lethal viruses, apparently
Trump fails Turing test
Vegan friends ‘not worth it’ say experts
Woman’s hairdo enters third day of negotiations
Gerontius
Make-up department ‘working flat out’ preparing Huw Edwards say BBC
Queen joins ‘black lives matter’ protest with early morning horse ride
KGA6
Trump declares war on ANTIFA and the Grenadiers
Woman cautioned over offensive Boris Johnson t-shirt
Midfield Diamond
IT sociopaths thoroughly enjoying lockdown
Newsbiscuit Editorial Team
White privilege is changing the TV scheduling and thinking you solved racism
nickb
Internet ‘nearly full’ – thousands donate SD cards, thumb drives.
Oshaughnessy
Archaeologists in Pompeii say lockdown message was confusing and unclear
Boris understands black people and asks them to pop over and smoke some weed
Man told to return to work despite losing ability to iron his own shirt
Oxbridge
Social distancing in schools ‘impractical’, warn bullies
PaulD
Fears Johnson now receiving advice from a sprig of sage
SimonJJames
Big Bread brutally stamping down on local breadmakers
Charity shops brace for deluge of all sort of random, useless shite
London’s burglars outline strict back to work measures
Nation begins slow recovery from prolonged exposure to own children
New director general to impartially accelerate and decelerate change at BBC
PM Johnson disappointed not to get a go on his riot water cannons
The Premier League is back! How have the teams been spending their lockdowns?
SteveB
Return of football tarnished by lack of ‘referee’s a wanker’ chanting
Throngsman
‘So I slept in a swimming pool, so what?’ says Cummings
Test and Trace team ‘disappointed’ at Alok Sharma diagnosis
Tonymc81
Government to release homeless back into wild
Vertically Challenged Giant
Black Lives Matter disbanded after man on twitter points out all lives matter
Government to implement extensive stable door closing programme “soon”
LBC replace Nigel Farage with Romanian and Bulgarian immigrant double act
Lost Amazonian tribe discovered living in Ikea
Mark Zuckerberg refuses to criticise Trump for sh*tting on his dining table
Men head outside to cook meat with fire
Reckless illegal gathering becomes fine as clock strikes midnight on May 31st
The A-Team criticise lack of furlough support for soldiers of fortune
‘This is what Churchill would want’ says protester kicking policeman
Trump insists he was only visiting the White House for an inspection
VickyRichards
“Eurgh, do i have to care about Black Lives Matter this week too?” Says activist
Wrenfoe
Far-right thugs start the football season early
Price of scrap bronze will plummet if UK removes all its racist statues
USA suffers serious shortage of unarmed people to kill
Zoos reopen – lions excited about 2 metre distancing
YaBasta
The growing waiting list for spine donors
Top brand seeks to recruit “head of boilerplate”
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