April 2020 WOTM final
A record number of contributors this month, coupled with a record number of tickers and Left Alerts. To be fair, although the number of Left Alert scores has been inflated by the editors choosing to give all contributors to a couple of specific subs equal billing - that's their choice and judgement - but also by a significant number of individual Left Alerts anyway.
Anyway, to business, and relative newcomer oshaughnessy has made it to the top, earning the virtual mug for a month. Oshaughnessy has been a contender since signing up for NB a few months ago and perseverance has paid off. Well done Big O, and commiserations to Chip who can]me a close second. Myke and Max Stars also acquitted themselves and just look at the number of tickers Myke has had published this month - 14.
As usual the links to all the FPs, NiBs and LAs are listed below the table, and the full list of tickers are listed in the Chat room.
A.Mantra
‘Just so you know, we’re making sh*t loads out of this’ say Hedge Fund w*nkers
Man considers riding a bike
Adrian Bamforth
BBC: Coronavirus will not affect Mrs Brown’s Boys repeats schedule
AdrianJ
Catholicism falls into administration
Fears ironing may fold
New Romantics return to capital
Alexispn
How to travel the world under lockdown
Ant Harrison
Priti Patel denies un-pronounced ‘G’ privatisation scandal
antharrison, apepper, Max Stars, Oxbridge, ron cawleyoni, Mick Turate, Sinnick, Al Opecia, Gerontius, thackaray, fletcher, sydalg, AdrianJ, oshaughnessy, brainstorm
Covid-19 TV schedule announced
apepper
BMW drivers fury at no-one to tailgate
apepper, FlashArry, Chipchase, newsbiscuiteditorialteam, Max Stars, Midfield Diamond, Adrian Bamforth, Benvoleo, Bigglesworth
Thirteen sure-fire conspiracy theories to explain Covid-19
Benvoleo
‘We owe NHS enormous debt of gratitude’ says Hancock. ‘Gratitude…just not money’
BMelnick
Dozens injured trying to give Colonel Tom virtual bumps
Bookiesfriend
Ninety percent of British towns now controlled by goats
People beginning to wonder if Priti Patel ever really existed
Queen delivers first of Sunday night Joe Wicks-style workout videos
Chipchase
Brexit Party was behind missing shipment of PPE from Turkey
Eamonn Holmes and David Icke announce UK theatre tour
One of a dying breed
PFA slams calls for footballers to take 30% wage cut during Covid-19 crisis
Piers Morgan: “Relax Britain, I’ll sort out the government’s Covid-19 shambles”
Police alert public as cruel scammers prey on vulnerable during COVID-19 emergency
Police caution man flouting guidelines by visiting his second home over Easter
Police scramble helicopter and armed response unit to deal with sunbather
Scepticism as man claims ‘perfect result’ after just one cycle in pop-up toaster
‘Who’s laughing now?’ asks man who ignored 60 years home entertainment hi-tech
Chrisf
Gillette Soccer Saturday moves onto Microsoft Teams
Man’s enjoyment of Quiz marred by persistent coughing
Trump face mask has ‘significant bullshit leakage’, scientists confirm
We’ll still inexplicably end prices with 0.9, confirm petrol retailers
CulchaVulcha
Dominic Raab doesn’t know whether to come or sh*t pants
DavidH
Dominic Raab releases range of ‘power not power’ suits
‘I’m raring to go!’ Boris declares he’s fit to fertilise again
Nation demands Hugh Grant stand in for Boris
Deceangli
‘Death by Virus’ to become a Constitutional right
Dick Everyman
President Trump appoints Mr Muscle to health advisory team
Scores of centenarians gathering at Everest base camp
FlashArry
Doorstep Displays Of Support and Solidarity On The increase
Fletcher
Premiership footballers are still great value for a laugh
Gerontius
‘Fireman was working on his golf handicap’ admits LFB
‘Pole still missing in post’ confirms athlete
Snooker to introduce ‘safe standing’ areas confirm WPBSA
JBP
1995 Ford Mondeo Ghia Shows Signs of Coronavirus
KGA6
Man late for Zoom meeting after “Hellish commute up to study
Tories confirm 20,000 new officers will join “Fun Police”
Max Stars
A Seasonal Homily
Government ‘on top of PPE Distribution Challenge’ – Hancock
Govt. to appoint National Clap Co-ordination Czar
Travel Expert Simon Calder has never left his house
Myke
Banksy’s mum furious after artist starts working from home
Donald Trump’s top tips for beating Covid-19
Hovis-19 ‘not such a good idea’ admits food industry
‘I’ve got too much petrol’ not a reasonable excuse to drive, say traffic police
Quantum physicist uses sports journalist to make something out of nothing
Newsbiscuit Editorial Team
Dear UK, your McAfee Virus Protection expires today
Newsdesk
Supermarkets launch ‘Donate To Landfill’ scheme
nickb
Jeffrey Archer admits blame for Coronavirus
PMQ’s to be replaced by Blankety-Blank
Police encircle Ambridge as listeners try to enter last village untouched by C19
Trump encourages home school shootings
Nojworth
Johnson assures the public he will actually be working when ‘working from home’
oshaughnessy
German dad re-enacts 1966 World Cup with his kids and gets the same result
Hancock to perform motorbike jump over 50 ambulances to prove ramps really work
Jacob Rees-Mogg promises first batch of steam-powered ventilators by December
Piers Morgan still vastly more unpopular than Covid-19 says poll
Police fly drone through a couples bedroom window and orders them 2m apart
Scottish Government orders 10,000 self-testing kilts
Stuntman working from home causes over £100,000 damage to his house
Sudden rise in lockdown obesity levels could fatten the curve
Supermarket announces a special Simpleton Hour for those who miss panic-buying
Vampires told to prevent infection by washing their fangs after all meals
PaulD
Boris: We’re finally at the end of the beginning of the end of the first phase
Dominic Cummings to halt Coronavirus spread using telepathy
Fozzie Bear to Chair all future Cobra meetings
Government admits Eamonn Holmes is side effect of 5G network
Richard Branson raises £120 million walking 100 laps of his garden
Tory MPs to become ventilators to ease nation’s shortage
Trump takes aim at Doctor Who
Pippip
Only enough naked celebrity selfies for the next 10 days, experts warn
ron cawleyoni
The New Punk Rock Band The Science to perform concert for The NHS
Sarah Tipper
Nature beginning to feel 'shy' due to all the extra attention
People Forget to Complain that St George’s Day isn’t a Bank Holiday
Sir Lupus
Race to develop vaccine before key workers can negotiate pay rise
Smart Alex
Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse appeal for volunteers
SteveB
8 Ways to tell if you’re in a Pam Ewing dream
Nation warned to brace themselves for tidal wave of garbled Greek quotations
WeBuyAnyPlane.com Takes Off
Terry Bunn
Boris to import American chicken drenched in Domestos
Throngsman
Boris’ first post Covid Teleconference transcript
Chris Whitty accused of trying to ‘sex up’ coronavirus
Government Coronavirus letter shortlisted for Booker Prize
Hancock tells UK to determine a naughty corner to stand in
Women’s Institute to knit face masks for NHS
Titus
Major Tom Moore Sets Off On Walk To Windsor To Collect His Centenary Telegram
Vertically Challenged Giant
Bear Grylls absolutely loving lockdown
Boris Johnson “really committed to the lie” admit conspiracy theorists
Boris puts on best poorly voice to call work
“US death count much lower than all these countries I just made up” claims Trump
Wrenfoe
‘Are you sure the virus won’t spread in schools?’ asks Nit
Boris still working towards a Darwin Award
Care Home virus deaths recorded as alien abductions
Chancellor declares ‘The only wealthy people are footballers’
Easter ruined by spoilers
Keir Starmer yet to get a football stadium chant
Matt Hancock’s ventilator procurement an elaborate April Fool’s day prank
Race to be first writer of bitter, sweet comedy-drama called ‘Social Distancing’
Starmer upset not to be 20 points ahead, after suppressing racism dossier
Trump to start funding the Coronavirus
YaBasta
Hancock’s Half Hour to get new series
Public sympathy for stranded gap yah students at record low
Trump “regrets total number of deaths hasn’t fallen”
Anyway, to business, and relative newcomer oshaughnessy has made it to the top, earning the virtual mug for a month. Oshaughnessy has been a contender since signing up for NB a few months ago and perseverance has paid off. Well done Big O, and commiserations to Chip who can]me a close second. Myke and Max Stars also acquitted themselves and just look at the number of tickers Myke has had published this month - 14.
As usual the links to all the FPs, NiBs and LAs are listed below the table, and the full list of tickers are listed in the Chat room.
A.Mantra
‘Just so you know, we’re making sh*t loads out of this’ say Hedge Fund w*nkers
Man considers riding a bike
Adrian Bamforth
BBC: Coronavirus will not affect Mrs Brown’s Boys repeats schedule
AdrianJ
Catholicism falls into administration
Fears ironing may fold
New Romantics return to capital
Alexispn
How to travel the world under lockdown
Ant Harrison
Priti Patel denies un-pronounced ‘G’ privatisation scandal
antharrison, apepper, Max Stars, Oxbridge, ron cawleyoni, Mick Turate, Sinnick, Al Opecia, Gerontius, thackaray, fletcher, sydalg, AdrianJ, oshaughnessy, brainstorm
Covid-19 TV schedule announced
apepper
BMW drivers fury at no-one to tailgate
apepper, FlashArry, Chipchase, newsbiscuiteditorialteam, Max Stars, Midfield Diamond, Adrian Bamforth, Benvoleo, Bigglesworth
Thirteen sure-fire conspiracy theories to explain Covid-19
Benvoleo
‘We owe NHS enormous debt of gratitude’ says Hancock. ‘Gratitude…just not money’
BMelnick
Dozens injured trying to give Colonel Tom virtual bumps
Bookiesfriend
Ninety percent of British towns now controlled by goats
People beginning to wonder if Priti Patel ever really existed
Queen delivers first of Sunday night Joe Wicks-style workout videos
Chipchase
Brexit Party was behind missing shipment of PPE from Turkey
Eamonn Holmes and David Icke announce UK theatre tour
One of a dying breed
PFA slams calls for footballers to take 30% wage cut during Covid-19 crisis
Piers Morgan: “Relax Britain, I’ll sort out the government’s Covid-19 shambles”
Police alert public as cruel scammers prey on vulnerable during COVID-19 emergency
Police caution man flouting guidelines by visiting his second home over Easter
Police scramble helicopter and armed response unit to deal with sunbather
Scepticism as man claims ‘perfect result’ after just one cycle in pop-up toaster
‘Who’s laughing now?’ asks man who ignored 60 years home entertainment hi-tech
Chrisf
Gillette Soccer Saturday moves onto Microsoft Teams
Man’s enjoyment of Quiz marred by persistent coughing
Trump face mask has ‘significant bullshit leakage’, scientists confirm
We’ll still inexplicably end prices with 0.9, confirm petrol retailers
CulchaVulcha
Dominic Raab doesn’t know whether to come or sh*t pants
DavidH
Dominic Raab releases range of ‘power not power’ suits
‘I’m raring to go!’ Boris declares he’s fit to fertilise again
Nation demands Hugh Grant stand in for Boris
Deceangli
‘Death by Virus’ to become a Constitutional right
Dick Everyman
President Trump appoints Mr Muscle to health advisory team
Scores of centenarians gathering at Everest base camp
FlashArry
Doorstep Displays Of Support and Solidarity On The increase
Fletcher
Premiership footballers are still great value for a laugh
Gerontius
‘Fireman was working on his golf handicap’ admits LFB
‘Pole still missing in post’ confirms athlete
Snooker to introduce ‘safe standing’ areas confirm WPBSA
JBP
1995 Ford Mondeo Ghia Shows Signs of Coronavirus
KGA6
Man late for Zoom meeting after “Hellish commute up to study
Tories confirm 20,000 new officers will join “Fun Police”
Max Stars
A Seasonal Homily
Government ‘on top of PPE Distribution Challenge’ – Hancock
Govt. to appoint National Clap Co-ordination Czar
Travel Expert Simon Calder has never left his house
Myke
Banksy’s mum furious after artist starts working from home
Donald Trump’s top tips for beating Covid-19
Hovis-19 ‘not such a good idea’ admits food industry
‘I’ve got too much petrol’ not a reasonable excuse to drive, say traffic police
Quantum physicist uses sports journalist to make something out of nothing
Newsbiscuit Editorial Team
Dear UK, your McAfee Virus Protection expires today
Newsdesk
Supermarkets launch ‘Donate To Landfill’ scheme
nickb
Jeffrey Archer admits blame for Coronavirus
PMQ’s to be replaced by Blankety-Blank
Police encircle Ambridge as listeners try to enter last village untouched by C19
Trump encourages home school shootings
Nojworth
Johnson assures the public he will actually be working when ‘working from home’
oshaughnessy
German dad re-enacts 1966 World Cup with his kids and gets the same result
Hancock to perform motorbike jump over 50 ambulances to prove ramps really work
Jacob Rees-Mogg promises first batch of steam-powered ventilators by December
Piers Morgan still vastly more unpopular than Covid-19 says poll
Police fly drone through a couples bedroom window and orders them 2m apart
Scottish Government orders 10,000 self-testing kilts
Stuntman working from home causes over £100,000 damage to his house
Sudden rise in lockdown obesity levels could fatten the curve
Supermarket announces a special Simpleton Hour for those who miss panic-buying
Vampires told to prevent infection by washing their fangs after all meals
PaulD
Boris: We’re finally at the end of the beginning of the end of the first phase
Dominic Cummings to halt Coronavirus spread using telepathy
Fozzie Bear to Chair all future Cobra meetings
Government admits Eamonn Holmes is side effect of 5G network
Richard Branson raises £120 million walking 100 laps of his garden
Tory MPs to become ventilators to ease nation’s shortage
Trump takes aim at Doctor Who
Pippip
Only enough naked celebrity selfies for the next 10 days, experts warn
ron cawleyoni
The New Punk Rock Band The Science to perform concert for The NHS
Sarah Tipper
Nature beginning to feel 'shy' due to all the extra attention
People Forget to Complain that St George’s Day isn’t a Bank Holiday
Sir Lupus
Race to develop vaccine before key workers can negotiate pay rise
Smart Alex
Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse appeal for volunteers
SteveB
8 Ways to tell if you’re in a Pam Ewing dream
Nation warned to brace themselves for tidal wave of garbled Greek quotations
WeBuyAnyPlane.com Takes Off
Terry Bunn
Boris to import American chicken drenched in Domestos
Throngsman
Boris’ first post Covid Teleconference transcript
Chris Whitty accused of trying to ‘sex up’ coronavirus
Government Coronavirus letter shortlisted for Booker Prize
Hancock tells UK to determine a naughty corner to stand in
Women’s Institute to knit face masks for NHS
Titus
Major Tom Moore Sets Off On Walk To Windsor To Collect His Centenary Telegram
Vertically Challenged Giant
Bear Grylls absolutely loving lockdown
Boris Johnson “really committed to the lie” admit conspiracy theorists
Boris puts on best poorly voice to call work
“US death count much lower than all these countries I just made up” claims Trump
Wrenfoe
‘Are you sure the virus won’t spread in schools?’ asks Nit
Boris still working towards a Darwin Award
Care Home virus deaths recorded as alien abductions
Chancellor declares ‘The only wealthy people are footballers’
Easter ruined by spoilers
Keir Starmer yet to get a football stadium chant
Matt Hancock’s ventilator procurement an elaborate April Fool’s day prank
Race to be first writer of bitter, sweet comedy-drama called ‘Social Distancing’
Starmer upset not to be 20 points ahead, after suppressing racism dossier
Trump to start funding the Coronavirus
YaBasta
Hancock’s Half Hour to get new series
Public sympathy for stranded gap yah students at record low
Trump “regrets total number of deaths hasn’t fallen”
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