WOTM March 2020 mid month
Not much sign of people self isolating here this month, with 80 tickers published this month already! Congrats to oshaughnessy, who is leading the pack right now followed closely by Chip, the editors and Titus. Hang on - that can't be right?
A.Mantra
Man Self Isolates himself after accepting a lift in a Toyota Corolla
Adrian Bamforth
Fears for passengers suffering 5th week of cruise ship entertainment
One more case of Boris Virus confirmed in the UK
Chipchase
Bristol Police thwarted plan to kidnap Greta Thunberg by feeding her McDonald’s
COBRA to meet as terror grips nation over Genesis reunion
Hosepipe ban announced due to nation’s increased hand-washing
New passport is ‘definitely blue, 100% mate’ insists deluded moron
Chrisf
Simon Calder TV appearances nearing global pandemic
Dick Everyman
Cabinet members urged to ‘get up the duff’ in run up to the UK’s EU departure
Pedalo family left stranded on Skegness boating lake over virus fears
Fletcher
Workplace heroes not about to take a day off
Gerontius
Holiday Britons in virus-hit hotels still awaiting first signs of sympathy
‘Still plenty of porridge’ say supermarkets
Ian Searle
The Boris Bounce
James_doc
Italian mistresses distraught at cancellation of sports
JoBo
Stupid Boy Practices Pike Salute Ready For Army Deployment on Coronavirus
Midfield Diamond
Eric Dier condemned as a wimp for not kung-fu kicking brain-dead Spurs fan
Newsbiscuit Editorial Team
New £20 note to replace toilet paper
Public toilet hand washing protocol for men increased from ‘pretend’ to ‘quick splash’
UK volunteers to be placebo control group
Yeezys are knitted by Kanye West’s nan
Newsdesk
All households will be issued with four pieces of lavvy paper per day
NickB
BBC Desert Island hit by coronavirus
Self-isolation no protection from Priti Patel
Nickb & Oxbridge
West(minster) Side Story
Oshaughnessy
Civil Servant blames defeat on heavy tweed suit and triggers Patel re-match
Cockneys announce ‘Miley Cyrus’ as official rhyming slang for Coronavirus
Outbreak of social distancing causes half-mile queue at London cashpoint machine
Pope warns that a ban on mass gatherings could lead to mass panic during mass
Scots panic-buy flights to Italy to escape details of Salmond sex case
Paul L
Grandparents deny using coronavirus as excuse not to look after grandchildren
Sir Lupus
Ford expands bike accessories range with new emoji jackets and bazooka
steve_l
Skiing families to self-isolate until their smugness wears off
Throngsman
Apple ‘surprised’ to learn criminals might use their products
Poor and homeless ‘unafraid’ of Covid 19
Sportsmen ordered to not shake hands, spitting still OK though
Titus
Corona Virus demands freedom of movement
Six Nations Rugby to continue but with all players kept at least 2 metres apart
Wallstter
Government plans to hide UK in the fridge until Coronavirus goes away
Wrenfoe
COVID-19 headlining Reading Festival
House of Lords to be reformed by Coronavirus
A.Mantra
Man Self Isolates himself after accepting a lift in a Toyota Corolla
Adrian Bamforth
Fears for passengers suffering 5th week of cruise ship entertainment
One more case of Boris Virus confirmed in the UK
Chipchase
Bristol Police thwarted plan to kidnap Greta Thunberg by feeding her McDonald’s
COBRA to meet as terror grips nation over Genesis reunion
Hosepipe ban announced due to nation’s increased hand-washing
New passport is ‘definitely blue, 100% mate’ insists deluded moron
Chrisf
Simon Calder TV appearances nearing global pandemic
Dick Everyman
Cabinet members urged to ‘get up the duff’ in run up to the UK’s EU departure
Pedalo family left stranded on Skegness boating lake over virus fears
Fletcher
Workplace heroes not about to take a day off
Gerontius
Holiday Britons in virus-hit hotels still awaiting first signs of sympathy
‘Still plenty of porridge’ say supermarkets
Ian Searle
The Boris Bounce
James_doc
Italian mistresses distraught at cancellation of sports
JoBo
Stupid Boy Practices Pike Salute Ready For Army Deployment on Coronavirus
Midfield Diamond
Eric Dier condemned as a wimp for not kung-fu kicking brain-dead Spurs fan
Newsbiscuit Editorial Team
New £20 note to replace toilet paper
Public toilet hand washing protocol for men increased from ‘pretend’ to ‘quick splash’
UK volunteers to be placebo control group
Yeezys are knitted by Kanye West’s nan
Newsdesk
All households will be issued with four pieces of lavvy paper per day
NickB
BBC Desert Island hit by coronavirus
Self-isolation no protection from Priti Patel
Nickb & Oxbridge
West(minster) Side Story
Oshaughnessy
Civil Servant blames defeat on heavy tweed suit and triggers Patel re-match
Cockneys announce ‘Miley Cyrus’ as official rhyming slang for Coronavirus
Outbreak of social distancing causes half-mile queue at London cashpoint machine
Pope warns that a ban on mass gatherings could lead to mass panic during mass
Scots panic-buy flights to Italy to escape details of Salmond sex case
Paul L
Grandparents deny using coronavirus as excuse not to look after grandchildren
Sir Lupus
Ford expands bike accessories range with new emoji jackets and bazooka
steve_l
Skiing families to self-isolate until their smugness wears off
Throngsman
Apple ‘surprised’ to learn criminals might use their products
Poor and homeless ‘unafraid’ of Covid 19
Sportsmen ordered to not shake hands, spitting still OK though
Titus
Corona Virus demands freedom of movement
Six Nations Rugby to continue but with all players kept at least 2 metres apart
Wallstter
Government plans to hide UK in the fridge until Coronavirus goes away
Wrenfoe
COVID-19 headlining Reading Festival
House of Lords to be reformed by Coronavirus
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