WOTM Oct 2019 final

Well, Chip rompe home in the end with a very creditable 51 points.  To be fair, Tonymc81 did very well as well.  Congrats to all who  made it on to the board and also to all who tried and wasn't successful.



Adran Bamforth 

Brexit deal to include promotion for man who shouts ‘stop Brexit’


Guide to becoming a Saint

Jeremy Corbyn ‘shocked’ to discover Banksy painting features apes

North Korea threatens Japan with long-range emperors

Zebra loose on German road stumps joke-writers

Al Opecia 

Tories to hold referendum on Maastricht treaty

Antharrison 

County Lines drug bust finds a paltry £571 drugs per person arrest

apepper 

Boris changes name to ‘Diana Ditch’

Boris proposes EU border in Welsh Sea

Bravenewmalden 

IT ‘issues’ emerges as timesheet’s favourite alternative to ‘downtime’

Chipchase 

Adjournment in Nazgul v Dementors plagiarism case

An evening with Piers Morgan enters fifth day

At-a-glance guide to Tory pre-election golden giveaways

Boris to announce legal aid for top people accused of sexual offences

Boris to give generous tax incentives to the rich

Brexit ravaged England tells Irish – ‘Troubles? Troubles? I’ll tell you about Troubles’

College Green broadcasters told ‘sound-proof TV studio still a futuristic dream’

David Cameron to join cast of Eastenders

DUP ‘Our support for new Brexit proposals has not been bought so it hasn’t’

Francois in sensational House of Commons hostage stand-off

Government defends move to annual waste collection

Identity of that person Angela Merkel reminds you of finally revealed

Johnson claims Brexit talks floundering over ‘nonexistence of Ireland’

Man stuns friends by watching gig with eyes not phone

Police move in coordinated operation to crush sick battle re-enactment groups

Rees-Mogg to tackle unemployment among seven-year-olds

The Secret Diary of Alexander de Peffel Boris Johnson aged 13¾

Chrisf 

Getting Brexit done to be condensed into one-hour Apprentice episode

John Bercow rules out meaningful comma in his sentences

Man ‘pimping’ his pasta just adds chilli flake

Rugby semi-final added to list of acceptable events for 9am drinking

Tunnel for Brexit negotiations revealed to be Large Hadron Collider

DavidH

Primark warned Chris Grayling not to buy ferries online

Deceangli 

Priti Patel to meet Piers Morgan in ‘Face You’d Most Love to Slap’ final

Dominic_mcg 

Corbyn promises to lower the voting age to 18 months

Fletcher 

Conservatives promise eternal life and no more dog shit

Gerontius 

Actress was warned about joining cast of leading UK soap opera

Prince Charles criticised for carrying large knife during Queen’s speech

Grumblechops 

Pub regulars unimpressed at sub two-hour marathon ‘gimmick’

Stormont Assembly reconvenes for 51 minutes of the DUP shouting “NO!”

John Roughty 

Government of National Unity to be led by Ant or Dec

Newsbiscuit Editorial Team 

Brexit proposal involves putting the UK in a Time Capsule


Cardinal Newman accidentally burnt as witch

Only relatives of Boris Johnson will be eligible to vote

SNP formally back decriminalising haggis

Newdesk 

Plastic banknotes ideal for stuffing mattresses

Oxbridge 

Boris Johnson dead in a ditch

Rhydderch Wilson 

Johnson and Farage to Wrestle in Caviar for Title of “Man of the People”

Sack of potatoes to run for Prime Minister

Sarah Tipper 

Caravan Names Mainly Nonsense Confirms British Caravan Naming Committee

Sir Lupus 

KickBucketer launches as crowdfunding site for contract killings

New Grand Designs series to be punters building debtors prison for Kevin McCloud

Your guide to this year’s Christmas literature for children

Sydalg 

Breathalyser has new setting – ‘Come on, just one more!’

Wikipedia “could spell the end of clueless arguments in pubs”

Thatwasbeast 

B*st@#d wants meeting at lunchtime

Throngsman 

Excitement as excrement found in toilet ‘might have been from the Beatles’

Lewisham man tired of stockpiling for Brexit

Titus 

Man misses end-of-the-world after failing to put it in his diary

Parliament split over type of ‘ditch’

Tonymc81 

A cabinet out to impress

A Dog’s best friend is his sandwich maker

Boris already regretting October 31st tattoo

Boris condemns Bulgarian racists as ‘amateurs’

Deserts are ideal for running insists Coe

Family finally reunited – after 24 hours

‘I started at the bottom’ says Boris

New super group announced

Park keepers warn ‘Do not feed the poor’

Spice Girls in a pickle

UKIP call for racist football chanting to be extended to ballet

Walter Eagle 

IMDB acknowledges unexpected George RR Martin sequel: “Game of Blames”

Johnson promises 10% extra funding for new 11 Commandments

Wrenfoe 

Boris promises ‘climate withdrawal’ – Clexit

Boris sends second letter with severed thumb

Ellen photographed watching lacrosse with Bin Laden

Environmentalist secretly wants the world to end so they can say ‘I told you so’

Mein Kampf sues Daily Mail for copyright infringement

Scientists discover root cause of interruptions – you are very boring

The Dark Side is slimmer

YaBasta 

Baghdadi wrestled to death by Giant Haystacks

Judge sentences lorry driver in Essex tragedy to ‘a good slap’

Literally any dealings with financial services now subject to compensation

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