WOTM January 2021 mid month

ID has made a fantastic comeback after a couple of years in the wilderness, heading up the first half of this  month's competition.  Max and Wren, however, are looking like they might try to take IDs lead off him, given half a chance.



A.Mantra 

‘Not now Joe,’ pleads weary nation

antharrison 

Biden announces big plans for new White House curtains

Chipchase 

Pressure on NHS intensifies as tests show new ‘Boris jab’ 100% effective

Rees-Mogg announces he will compete in 2021 Tour de France

Dan.F 

Act like you’ve got the virus and drive to Durham, suggests government

Trump plans to pardon himself for all the crimes he didn’t commit

US politicians pleased to see populace taking such an interest in legislative process

DavidH 

Donald Trump’s Avengers assemble to fight Democrobots

Football club cafe loses Michelin star

Middle-age men reminisce about non-essential car journeys of yesteryear

Deceangli 

£30 food packs awarded Nobel Prize for economics

BBC to include poisoners in cookery shows for balance

Boris offered job with covid marketing board

Dido Harding spotted in Cannes with Lord Lucan and Shergar

Fact-shaming’ to be criminalised

Vaccine: first 50 million doses go to PMs family and friends

Wuhan market trader awarded knighthood ahead of Nigel Farage

Doctor Chutney 

More comedians lined up for “Live From the Tardis” spots on Doctor Who

Twitter outrage as man tweets intelligent, cogent, coherent argument

Filthy Rich 

2021 admitted to rehab under ‘impossible’ weight of expectation

Derbyshire police unable to prove ‘picnic’ contained statutory number of wasps

Embattled Trump declares war on Isla St Clair

New Bowie film totally fails to capture his passion for admin, complains family

Public figures’ new year’s resolutions leaked

Republican Senators conclusively prove blind belief Trump’s fact-based evidence

Takeaway lattes count as ‘substantial meal’, confirm panicked ministers

Gibbet

Starmer calls for ’round the clock’ press conferences

harrypalmer 

Police numbers to be doubled for inauguration with addition of 7 more cops

Ironduke

Anti-democracy campaigners storm Parliament

Economy boost as schoolteacher exam prediction bribes kick through

Kids food packs include £5 of ingredients and a £25 haute cuisine recipe book

Teachers ‘back to school’ packs to include blindfold and last cigarette

Starmer: government has called lockdown too soon already not enough early late

‘The walk’, a pictorial odyssey, new craze to sweep social media

Itsmejack 

Priti Patel asks police to enforce new year’s resolutions

Max Stars 

First new Brexit passport holder discovered to be an illegal immigrant

Govt. Appoint Danny Boyle to head up national vaccination programme

World darts champion recruited to boost vaccination drive

Midfield Diamond 

Christmas snacks and sweets to be finished before health kick starts

oshaughnessy 

Boris to star in reboot of classic comedy Fawlty Tiers

Oxbridge 

Bat shit ‘actually not that crazy’

Paul L 

Woman admits not using wishbone win to wish for a better 2021 for the world

ron cawleyoni 

A song for Priti to the tune of Pretty Woman!

Rowly 

New oxford vaccine contains purely British genome sequence

SimoneCleal 

99% of Brits struggling with January finances despite Christmas being cancelled

Jeremy Clarkson claims covid-19 caused him to lose all sense of fashion

Sir Lupus 


SteveB 

500,000 UK nurses confirm covid is all made up

Sydalg 

Fat people “slowing down Earth’s rotation”

Oedipus left traumatised after appearance on Jeremy Kyle

Throngsman 

Clap for carers hits second wave

Trevor Rudge 

Seafood happy to be rotting in Grangemouth than digested in a European stomach

‘Tiny hands’ Trump welcomed back to myspace

Vertically Challenged Giant 

“You know what? Do what you f*@king like” says Boris

Wrenfoe 

EU gone but the bloody Normans are still here

Government to outline ‘zero f$cks’ policy

Johnson and Starmer announce much anticipated engagement

Julian Assange put in a mysterious ‘tier 6’ lockdown

Mum told her cake almost as good as ‘shop bought’ not feeling the compliment

Rioters storm US capitol to find someone who can count

Woman not buying ‘Grammarly’ no matter how many times its advert pops up

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Welcome to the Unofficial Newsbiscuit Writer of the Month Competition

If you've strayed onto this blog please note it is being used to keep the monthly results of the Writer's competition run unofficially by myself on behalf of the contributors to the UK's foremost satire news site, Newsbiscuit .  Newsbiscuit was created and is supported by comic genius John O'Farrell to provide a place for aspiring and proven comic writers alike to work in.  This blog is not an official organ of Newsbiscuit and any errors or omissions are mine alone, If you want to get to Newsbiscuit itself (and who wouldn't) then click here . If you fancy having a stab at writing satire (or any form of humour) then the Writer's Room is here .  Please note you have to register with the website before you can contribute.  If you want to read the guidelines for writers, please click here . Most writers write under a pseudonym, partly to be mysterious, mainly to keep their reputations intact.  Top tip - choose a name that is short and, critically, easy for me
Read more

WOTM May 2023

Image
Sully has stormed ahead this month, followed cautiously by SteveB and modelmaker.  New writer cara has come in at a credible fifth place.  As usual, links to all the FPs, NiBs and Features (AKA Left Alerts) below the leaderboard, followed by the cartoon of the month, then the ticker list, which contains Deskpilot's awesome 20 tickers amongst many others apepper Government celebrate as travel delays not caused by Brexit Public consider letting Penny Mordaunt continue as sole Conservative MP Benvoleo YouTuber accused of intentionally crashing plane headhunted for senior Government role billiclay Government creates new fear: Nano Boats Monopoly introduces Get out of Speeding Penalty Card TransPennine Express defend fluid timetables and non-binary concepts about arrival Cara Area man unveils covert method of ogling female co-workers Boys' Exposure to Romance Movies Starts at an Alarming Young Age, Reveals Study JK Rowling axes Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw from new adaptation; claims &q
Read more

WOTM April 2023

Image
Well, Myke has only gone and done it again, and well deserved too as his Tucker Carlson sub is probably an all time high read sub on this version of NB!SteveB and Wren also gave a good go at the WOTM title. apepper Conservatives want people to stop talking about last 13 years billiclay Brexit saves Britain from Europe murder train Government Completely Changes the Meaning of the Word Exciting Mongers of the world after another thing to monger Putin looking at moving to a Bungalow Chipchase Camelot and Waitrose unveil new ‘prize partnership’ Fears grow for 80s something couple Ada and Stanley "missing" in Hollister Government named as sponsor for Ant & Dec's new show: "I'm a UK Diplomat... Get Me Out Of Here" Leicester man makes 7000 mile round-trip to collect Friday night curry Rev Green set to be freed as new evidence points to shocking miscarriage of justic e Stormzy moves to distance himself from Trump Chrisf Man inexplicably carrying round absolutely
Read more